Only in darkness can you truly see the world burn.

My blog has eluded me these past few days, much to my annoyance. First, an excuse: it was taking forever for the page to load. Second, a legitamate reason: I was gone for a few days and completely unable to get to a computer. Of course, I suppose I could have broken into someone's house and used their computer.

Either way, hello first update in the past few days.

Now as to where I was gone to....

Hello Middle of Nowhere. Please fasten your seatbelts and prepare to marvel at just how far into the boonies you really are.

And it's now that I've finally come to the horrific terms that I may, in fact, end up living there. Indeed, 600 acres is cool...provided that there is a Mcdonalds, Best Buy, and Hot Topic (or anywhere that sells dark clothing, not necessarily "gothic") within reasonable driving distance.

Reasonable driving distance for them is around 80 miles. Oh joy.

The Beast is annoying me. He keeps walking in here telling me to get off the computer because it's bedtime.

BEDTIME?!?!?!?!

What the fuck, am I three again? Since when do I abide by any sort of sleeping schedule? Never. However the presence of his glowering form is beginning to annoy me. Every time he walks by he has to stop in here.

Leave. Me. ALONE.

And on yet another note to peaches, meh, near vague amusement. But at least you updated.

BLOGS...EVERYWHERE....

MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHA.

I didn't skip out...I just...didn't go.

Heh. Just to clear the record, I did in fact, not go to school on Friday. MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAA....

I'd sit back in my chair sinisterly and cackle manically, but I'm afraid I don' t have the effort to do that.

Oh well.

I'm leaving to look at some new properties we might be buying. Of course, my Mom in her inate strangeness has concluded that we absolutely MUST leave at 2 a.m. or the world will crash and burn. Okay, perhaps that was just a bit of an overstatement, but my shock at her timing leads me to do so.

And it wasn't until a few minutes ago that I realized that I will be without the internet for a whole two days.

TWO DAYS.

Such hell reminds me of the days when my Internetless Blog Chronicles were created. Certainly days I don't wish to relive. Meehehheheheheheh...

On that note, I am going to go and attempt to bask in the glory of whatever feeble internet time I have left. And oh, peaches, yes...lovely that you finally updated....however it takes much more than that to make one such as myself "happy" as you say. *snicker* However, amusement was warranted.

I'm going now.

I actually went to school today. The real kicker in all of this is that I could have stayed home.

Yes, stayed home.

And yet I didn't.

I've boggled my own mind as to what I was thinking this morning. Many legitamate reasons come to mind in retrospect, but my morning thoughts elude me.

Yes, I had a test today that was easy and would have been made entirely essay had I not been there, and yes, I am doing archery in gym class...which rocks.

But I could have stayed home.

To avoid inadvertant self insult, I shall say that it MUST have been the antibiotics that I took last night. Indeed, those vile little pills are practically the Spawn of Satan. (Oh wait, wasn't that me? *snicker*) Either way, I won't be making that mistake..or erm....thing...again.

Just to be spiteful, I'll probably stay home tomorrow. Just for the hell of it.

Fuck. The Beast is lurking nearby telling me that I must get off the computer. I don't want to, but for the sake of an abscence tomorrow, I shall. But rest assured *Darth Vader impression because Swartzennegar sucks (I'm sure that's misspelled)*.....

I'LL BE BACK.

You're only free so long as you have permission.

Okay, I feel like shit.

My list of complaints are as follows: 1.) I have a headache. 2.) I have a sinus infection 3.) My ever elusive energy is even more elusive than usual. 4.) I have school tomorrow and 5.) someone interrupted me while I was writing, and now I've forgotten it all.

That's about it. Perhaps that was a bit childish, but I don't care. My head screams at me to go too sleep and yet the Internet called to me. So, I'll just blog about how shitty I feel. Moreso because I can than because of anything else.

Heh. The Beast just interrupted me. He handed me some sort of antibiotic. So umm..here goes....

FUCKING HELL THAT WAS VILE...

That was disgusting. That tasted worse than chalk (Heh...not that I would know...*nervous glance*). Excuse me while I go and attempt to repress the uge to throw up.

Homecoming week starts on Monday. Oh the joy. Such a sickening amount of cheerful adolescence flooding the halls of Scholarly Hell with the ignorant joy that a new school year is starting. This to me, is more of a reminder that yes, the doors are locking; no more sleeping in all week for many, many more moons to come. Whatever dilluted freedom summer had brought forth, has just deserted us.

Traitor.

Yawning does no good...except from letting you inadvertantly inhale flies.

I said I was going to post later. Behold the post. I admit, it's actually "tomorrow" technically, but I care nothing for technicalities at this hour.

School starts in hmm....six hours. I should probably be attempting to get some sleep. But alas, I just don't feel like it. Sort of. In reality I've yawned like ten times in the last five minutes but I REFUSE to sleep until at least 1 a.m. Why? Because quite frankly......

I can.

I am determined to bask in the glory that is not having parents around. Some sign of rebellion-however feeble-must be used. My tactic doesn't involve much, yet it gets the job done. Minimal effort that also serves the dual purpose of keeping me from sleeping.

How convienent is that?

Oh. That reminds me (though I don't know why) I added a counter to the blog. I'm curious to see how many people even open up the blog window. Mehehehehheheheh...I'll know I'm truly pathetic if it doesn't change at all in two weeks. Even though I'll probably laugh in a moment of self mockery.

Heh. I told myself I was going to watch the Blair Witch Project tonight...since I never got to it yesterday...well, Sunday. But I didn't. It will have to wait till tomorrow. I may be awake my mental capacity for understanding anything is fading quickly. Even as I write, the words from before become a blurred meaningless blob on the screen. But that's okay...it's kinda like staring at the clouds and attempting to see shapes in them.

Kick ass! I see a can of Coke.........must....have...now.....

Toothpaste is not, I repeat NOT oil for your car. Someone else's on the other hand..

Another intro with food being the subject.

For some strange, probably inwardly obiece reason, I am eating stuffing. You know, that stuff people generally eat on Thanksgiving?

Yeah, that stuff.

Today was abundantly boring. I am however, basking in the glory of The Bastardly Parental Units being gone for the next couple days. No one but me and the Brat.

Oh how the Sadist in me laughs.

I may perhaps post again later, but as I am eating I shall be lazy and merely post more of those scathing emails sent to and from the person of a previous blog post. Yes V, this is for you...(sort of).

From Amy:

"HelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

My response:

"Idiot-
Heh. Greetings person that seems to have a bit of an issue with the word "Hello". For one, I don't know who you are (granted I have a good idea). Secondly, was there really a need to send me an email that merely stated Hello about let me see, 20 times? Yes, that is exactly how many hellos that were included in that rather dumb message. Feel free to count since you seem to have the time to write such pathetic emails. Indeed, unless you have something of vague importance to write me, or at least something that can be categorized as a legitamate sentance, don't bother me. "

Oh, and with that one, I should mention that at the time I didn't know who the person emailing me was. *parinoid glance* I'm being stalked it seems......BURN THEM ALL...BURN...

Heh. One more set. Just for good (or evil) measure:

From Amy:


"Wow, you don't waste any time do you? I was merely sending you a warm greeting. Would it have been better to act like a creepy, praverted stauker; who's lookin for a good time? You know what I'll bet you would enjoy that! you would mess with their head, and try to make them fear you. Anyway you really should join History Club. Why, because for one you would be doing something usful with your time. Two, I'm going to stop right there, because I know what your going to say. Your going to say that their are plenty of things that you could waste your time with, and by joining History Club; that would mean that you want to be social. That will be the day! Yet you remain in the shadows, theres not a single light shining in your room. Well maybe the telivision\computer screens, but other then that; your life is a dark empty hole. Would you agree? I hope your working on getting your senior pictures soon, I can hardly wait to see if you get it done in a graveyard. What if they did'nt have a graveyard? what props would you have your picture taken with? By the way I don't think steve will be bothering you anymore. But do tell what you would have done if he broke your C.D player. Would he crawl helpless on the ground, blood gushing everywhere? or would he not be moving at all? I would not care which. I think that will do better than 20 hellos, for you to spend your time answering. See ya later.Amy "

And again my response:

"To whomever idiot it concerns-
Indeed, my life is like an empty hole, mocking me as I sink farther into the abyss of nothingness just waiting for me to completely waste away.....Heh. As to your aforementioned "History Club", there is no power on this Earth (save for the command of Buffy) that could even make me consider joining. Socializing in school is not a choice, but an unwelcome command issued by those bastards that I dispise called the "Administration". Anything after 2:45 p.m. Monday through Friday however, is completely off limits. I shall not, under any circumstances, be spending any extra time in the school I deem as Hell. As to this Steve you've mentioned. I will take this moment to say that if he had, in fact, broken my CD player-considering my already bad mood at the time-would have most likely resulted in me pummeling his face in. All seriousness is stressed here. Heh. Then again, I'm always serious anyway....but that doesn't count. You may perhaps be asking yourself (and most likely are given your mental inadequacies *manical laughter*) WHY doesn't it count? I'll tell you: because everything in, and concerning Death in Flames is entirely under her control. So if I say something, be it taken like Commandments. MUAHAHAHAHHHAAHA...And as to my senior pictures....you imply that there would be some sort of sharing involved. I see no reason to display my image like a pig on sale at a deli. Be assured that in all likelyhood, the only picture of me seen will appear in the yearbook. Yes, that's right, the yearbook. Be afraid...my image will haunt you for years to come. It is now that I shall depart as I have wasted this two minutes spent compiling this rather lengthy reply to such a mediocre, grammatically incorrect email. I bid you a horrible day.
-Me"

Final quick explaination. No, my real name is obviously not Death in Flames (or at least it should be obvious) but I don't feel like posting my name...granted if you're reading this you probably already know it. *shrug*

And the thing with the CD player...let's just say the person is lucky I was sitting down at the time. *manical laughter*

Here concludes my session of scathing emails. Let ye all be amused, and hopefully enlightened as to my fiery wrath.

I'm going to get more stuffing now.

Painting one's house with blood would certainly look cool...so long as you had no sense of smell.

I am overwhelmingly hungry. I could eat a horse right now if I knew someone who could cook it. The fridge is dismally empty. McDonald's calls to me. Food in general calls to me.

Such torture for a Saturday night.

People at the stand have been more frequent in their annoyance. Questions about the weather have been at an all time high. My mental reply is always this: IF YOU'RE SO GODDAMN INTERESTED IN TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER, MARRY A METEOROLOGIST AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Honestly, I wouldn't really say this. Money is the great motivator that prevents me from doing so. *grumble* But I'll still mentally envision the reactions involved were I to actually say this to someone.

Saw The Punisher for the first time yesterday. Good movie. Violence...everywhere. The first movie in which I actually didn't mind John Travolta. A truly shocking revelation were you to know me personally...which....is unlikely in the next-to-impossible sense. Either way, good plot and so on and so forth. Didn't really care for the Drowning Pool music video "Step Up". Gee, cause we all wanna see a bunch of topless chicks fawning over some fat dude with some very dumb looking tatoos. Not.

Oh the self respect people have for themselves these days. Heh.

Rented another movie for tonight: "The Blair Witch Project". I think I've put off watching it for enough years now. Time to see what all that more than likely false hype was about. But hopefully it won't completely suck. It would save me the trouble of mustering up the effort to throw things across the room in a obigatory public display of violence.

Attention: Cattle prods are not candycanes to feed the homeless

Sending scathing emails is fun.

This has been the most fun I've had in weeks. One of the annoying people from school decided to email me. This is one of those emails:

"Bitch,You have serious issues. Is that really anyway to talk to an old friend? I think not. For a start, you are not always a serious maniac with an evil purpose. You have laughed alot before, (on rare occasions), at the stupidest things. Would you like an example? I regret to inform you that nobody really fears you. We just think your weird! (no offence). I do wonder about your childhood! Were you neglected as a child? is there some unknown explanation that your mystery could be solved? If there is I won't try to find it. I'm taking Psychology now, and I'm learning more about peoples behaviors, and how there mind works. You would be an excellent subject! though unfortunently, I sure you like to be misunderstood. I'ts too bad that we don't have any more classes together. If your asking yourself why, I can assure you that I find the answer most ammusing. But I have not yet grasped why you choose to remain unsocial. Would you join some kind of gothic club? or is that still being social, even though it's closer to your area? Bidding you a lightless day! Amy "

Please note that all mispellings and typos in that are not of my fault, but of hers as I copied and pasted that from my email account. Now this is a prime example of the distorted perception that others get from me. That I'm just this person who prides themselves on being a fake loner trying to look cool in the Hell known as high school.

It was in realizing this I had one of the biggest laughing attacks I think I've ever had. Yes, even my apathy has it's weaknesses. Behold one of the few. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....Fake....Oh they have no idea...But either way, I'd thought I'd share my reply (yes this is one of those sort of blog posts):

"Ever Curious Idiot-
You're right. I'm not always a serious maniac with an evil purpose. When I'm not being that, I'm generally being a cynical, sarcastic person lurking in the background. You'll notice that generally all of my jokes/laughing moments are made in such a case. Heh. And as to whether or not anybody fears me, I don't really care. It's not the opinion of others that counts. And as such, your opinion that I am "wierd" does not offend me. Rather it is the expected outcome of a lifetime of actions leading to that nearly forced perspective. My childhood has nothing to do with it. I am who I am. Blah blah blah, and all that self confidence crap the world feeds you. And why is it you "cannot grasp" why I like to remain unsocial? Has it ever occured to you in any miniscule form that I in fact, dislike being around people? Not everyone is a social butterfly. It's not a "gothic" thing. I am not, and have always maintained, that I am not actually a goth. I am a dark person. A goth is more of a cliche persona that suppliments itself more on looks rather then on true personality. And a little note about the psychology thing: don't try to analyze me according to the class. Right now I don't think you've even moved past the parts of the brain. Remember Amy, I took regular, and AP psych...I know what I'm talking about too. . *laughs manically from her computer*.

-Me"

Okay, I've come to the brink of nearly gossiping. With that in mind, I end this blog post while I snicker darkly at the unfounded perceptions people have about me.

Oh, and I have senior pictures tomorrow. Dammit all to hell. Just thought I'd add that.

When in doubt, keep your mouth shut until enlightenment says otherwise.

Another overdue blog post that will most likely prove inadequate in comparison to my other posts. I should probably care, and be all personally offended and such.

Strangely I'm not.

Actually, I'm far too tired to be caring and personally offended. Spent most of today working my ass off. The fact that I'm awake should speak volumes as to my level of internet addiction. Meh. Not that I need to establish that again. If you've been pathetic enough to read my entire blog (especially if you haven't just been reading it as it's been updated) and haven't caught onto that, you need to die, and donate your brain to science so they can figure out how to fix whatever mental issues you most certainly have. Speaking of which...

I had a very strange dream last night.

I robbed a Wal-Mart that was made up entirely of the toy section.

Perhaps this was my inner psyche telling me that I'm too serious and that I must have a little fun now and then. Perhaps not. Perhaps it was my mind being all kleptomatic and urging me to steal things. Perhaps not. All I know is my entire dream was spent searching for the perfect toy lightsaber. Such was not to be however and I ended up getting caught in the end.

For some reason, that's when I woke up.

I have school tomorrow. My joy is entirely nonexistant. I'm debating whether or not to even go. Well, not so much as debating, as huffing. I can't get out tomorrow because I get out on Thursday to get a senior picture taken for the yearbook. I've been told that I'll be able to get my black and chains, and that I won't get any grief for glaring hatefully at the camera willing everyone who looks at the school yearbook to die.

Such sadistic motivations I have.

Heh. Have an art project due this week. I'm supposed to make a drawing of three objects I've selected. Being the lazy slacker that I am, all I had on me the day I started was my skull ring, and a clear jewel CD case with one of my mixes in it. It's a pathetic drawing indeed. I was stretching it by using the image on the CD as an extra object.

And for some reason, my drawing has eyes it it. Lots of eyes. Staring out at you...watching.....like a stalker in the night just waiting to strike from the shadows and bring forth your inevitable demise.....

Okay, I put far too much thought into that for an art class drawing. Leaving now.

Watching it All Crash and Burn

This week has just quite frankly, sucked. Not one of those "Ohmigawd liiike, I didn't get to liiiike, go to the football game, so like, my life is like, you know, like, ruined" sort of deals. For one, I don't do preppy.

Yes, let's get that straight first.

No, this week has really just crashed and burned. I'd get into all the hows and why's this week sucks, but I'll narrow down to one since there seem to be so many.

The Id got the best of me....of all the times to lose my temper and snap, I just HAD to say it in front of my Dad.

Heh. Whoops.

Indeed, two little words slipped out that caused a rampage that was epic, and nearly the cause of a murder trial, lemmie tell you. Heh. I said "I quit." Two little pointless words that shouldn't have warrented me nearly getting my neck snapped. Apathy was tested to the extreme. Nice to know I passed the test. Well..almost...I mean, I did say it in the first place because I lost my temper.

But that really doesn't count does it?

No. It doesn't.

Frankly, I wanted to quit all the chores that I originally took on part time for pay. Call me a lazy, ungrateful son of a bitch (I know someone else did) but I don't feel like working anymore. In either case, the Wrath of the Parents was shockingly severe..and almost entirely unwarranted.

There's a reason I haven't updated in awhile. *grumble*

But hey, now I can truly boast about how truly apathetic I can be. See? Even after all this I find something remotely positive..well...technically neutral about all of this.

Heh. I'm sure in ten years someone will laugh about this.

Damned if it will be me though.

The future is bleak, even for those of us who live in the past.

I have to leave for school in nearly eight hours.

Such hell I haven't known since June.

For the past few hours I have been attempting to think of all the things that could prevent my having to go to school. An electrical outage that burns the school down perhaps..or..or maybe we'll have a hurricane hit....Heh. Never mind that there hasn't EVER been a hurricane where I live.

It's funny, this is my senior year and it's the year I think is going to suck the most. For one, my classes suck. (Admittedly, part of that is my fault...) Secondly, my sister now joins me in the same school. That means that I might actually have to deal with her rather...shall we say social group of friends. Of course, my only response to whatever they might have to say to me will be "Fuck off." I have no desire to deal with people. None. Whatsoever.

Not to mention my Mom had come to the conclusion that I absolutely must sit next to my sister at lunch.

Um. No.

I'm well aware of the fact that I'm being entirely overly parinoid about the whole situation. Whiny even. I don't care though. I have every right to "whine". Last year was fucked up because of my Mom having a nervous breakdown and dragging me halfways across the country just to keep her from blowing her own goddamn head off, and then I'm stuck hauling my sister's ass to and from summer school, and then the "Vegetable Stand" started up which drained any tiny amount of free time I might have had.

So yeah, excuse me for having one blog post entirely devoted to me bitching about my situation.

.......well not that I went and said that I spaced and can't remember where I was going with that. Meh.

Oh, and an update on McDonald's food. I dared to venture to the Place of The Glorious Fries again today. Much to my overwhelming suprise, they were some of the best fries I have ever had at ANY McDonald's. I did pass on the shake however, since I didn't want to chance a disaster and perhaps terminal illness that the Shake Mishaps From Hell probably cause. Either way, that's one fry closer to Fast Food Redemption.