Fire extinguishers are useless in Hell, but they are amusing.

Whether it bring you excitement, or an overwhelming sense of unease.....

The new year is nearly upon us.

And while I'm sure the forthcoming 365 days are sure to be filled with the universe's mockeries fo my life, hopefully things will smooth over a little bit in my dark little world. My resolutions are simple and few: to keep on trudging (forward, if possible), go to Japan, and get a full time job.

Okay, so perhaps going to Japan doesn't really qualify as simple.

Screw technicalities.

On a less thought-filled note, I would like to take a moment to proclaim the glory, that is Yahoo Launchast. Free music goodness with a mere click of the mouse. This might seem a bit sudden, since I don't think I've ever actually mentioned it here before, but as I've been blaring it for the past ten hours striaght, I thought "I must blog about this."

Cause' just assloads of people are going to read about it here, since we all know what a vast readership I have.

Ah well.

Heheheh.

Lauchcast still kicks ass.

To the grindstone with you....

Christmas came, Christmas went. All that's left to do now is hide in my dungeon until the last of the holiday cheer fades away.

So I'm a Scrooge. Gotta problem with it? (If you do, there really isn't anything to be done about it.)

To continue ruining the spirit of the season, I've decided to once and for all get my complaints down all in one nice, neat, blog post list. Think of it as a great way for me to stop repeating myself.

THINGS I HATE ABOUT MY LIFE

1.) Complaining about my life.
2.) My job(s).
3.) Having to wear color at work.
4.) Having to be nice.
5.) Not having ambition.
5.) Dealing with people.
6.) Being the Parental sounding board.
7. ) Inadequacy.
8.) My extended family.
9.) Slow Internet connection.
10.) The Brat's stupid mistakes bleeding over into my life.
11.) Having to work.
12.) Having missed out on being a teenager in any respect.
13. Hating missing out on being a teenager in any respect.
14.) That damned sense of obligation.
15.) Family favoritism, in my "favor" or not.
16.) Constantly being trapped in one place.
17.) Obligation.
18.) Unrealistic expectations.
19.) Not having any money.
20.) Never being left alone.

There you have it. Twenty blantant, immature complaints, that from henceforth, won't ever (probably) grace my blog again. It's like hitting a whole damned flock of birds with a stone. Heheheh.

Now just for the sake of some balance I'll include a small, short list of a few things I can concede are going for me:

THINGS THAT DON'T COMPLETELY SUCK ABOUT MY LIFE

1.) I'm not living in a third world country.
2.) I'm not living in New Orleans.
3.) I have a computer with Internet access.
4.) I won't be shot for wearing black and being-Hell forbid the label-gothic.
5.) I was able to find employment in the first place.

Heh.

That was either one step up the ladder towards Nirvana, one one step farther into the flaming abyss.

Eh.

Row row row your boat slowly out of steam, the boss is calling the truck is stalling, isn't life a scream?

Another session of "let's bitch and moan".

Yay.

Last night I was picking some stuff up at Best Buy, only to have one of my co-workers come up to me and say:

"You know your shift started ten minutes ago right?"

I won't go into my response. It was loud, and it was particularly colorful. (Heh.)

The only upside is, I refused to run all the way home to grab my work stuff, so I did an entire shift in black and chains. Heheheh.

I also managed to break my cell phone.

Needless to say, I've had better evenings. I so just wish I could recoil back into my little dungeon and spend the rest of my pathetic life as a hermit. Hehh.....

I'm done now.

Ask for a break and the whole dam comes crashing down

..........This is turning out to be the foulest of days.

And it's barely even nine thirty.

In all of my wishing in the wee hours, that work would suddenly dissapear into oblivion, I daresay this wasn't what I had in mind. And just what is it that I didn't envision?

Waking up an hour late, only to find that the furance guys have their truck stuck in the driveway, with no other way to get out.

Argh.

I hate my life.

But at least I have my Internet.

Heheheheh.

Life is like a triathlon.....fbeng run by chain smokers.

It's almost one in the morning, and I've been at work the better part of the last ten hours. So, after a lengthy drive hope, and scarcely being able to keep my eyes open, what do I do?

Go online.

Heh.

It's my own way of dealing with the horror of having to bullshit cheerfulness for such a long period of time. In all honestly, I couldn't even portay a facial expression at this point even if I wanted to. My face wasn't built to smile; merely to be in a constant apathetic gaze.

I had debated calling in today. It would have been so terribly easy. Alas, though, I can't let myself get too in the habit of doing such a thing. It leads to an even more downward spiral in the life and times of my ambition. Heh. I must be very careful with my ambition. You see, the thing with me is, when I say I'm tempted to quit my job and live the rest of my life as a poor pathetic hermit......I might actually do it.

A mere moment, and I could quit both my jobs and live on the "good"will of the Bastardly Parental Units.

But as it stands, I've managed to keep my ambition from falling completely over the deep end. Damned adult responsibilty and all that epic bullshit.

.................I'm really tired.

I should go to sleep. I really, really should. I have to get up in mere hours to go back into work. Yet it calls to me, my beloved cyberspace. Like a massive black hole pulling me into oblivion......

Overdramatic?

Yes.

But I'm too fucking out of it to care.

So I guess I'll just sit here, exhaustively basking in the glory that is my Internet, until I inevitably fall asleep at the keyboard, only to be awakened by the proverbial banging of the slaver's drum, beckoning me back to my doom..

.......Yeah.

Knocking on the mental doors, hoping no one answers

Just got home from work.

I have, just for the record, been at work since myh last post.

Just so you know.

Something I've really been wondering lately though, exactly who is this "you" that I speak of?Honestly, does anyone ACTUALLY read this? In my year and a half of blogging, I'm nearly convinced that only a well resounding three people (including myself) have taken anything even close to a passing glance at it.

Don't take that to mean that I'm bitching and whining because nobody is paying attention to me.

It's just one of those observations I occassionally have to make.

I blog more for myself than anything. Gives me something to read and remind me of just how far over the edge I've gone. Some people keep diaries, some people skip the formalities and just post it up for the whole cyber world to see.

The ironic thing about it is: more people would probably read it if it was in a diary. Heh. Heh. Heh.

......Okay, enough "observing" about the nonexistent readers of my blog. Moving on.

I would rather like to see the new Chronicles of Narnia movie soon. It looks like that might become a movie series that could rival Lord of the Rings....only moreso, just because there are more books in the series. I vaguely recall the plot; I read the series sometime in second or third grade (always had to pick the big ones....), though it's been so long I might actually be suprised. Either way, if I can somehow dig up a few spare dollars out of my wallet, I'm definetly going to try and see it tomorrow.

Why?

Because that's the nice thing about me. When the real world manages to annoy me to the point of seriously considering quitting my job and spending the rest of my days as a pathetic hermit that leeches off the dwindling funds of her parents, I can space out, haul my ass to a world made by someone far more creative than myself, and get back to that apathetic place so that when the movie is over and I'm once again slaving away at the grindstone.......

I really don't care either way.

Score one for the movies.

Being deaf, dumb and blind is for those who are TRULY blissfully ignorant.

It's the cursed anniversary of my birth.

And I hate my job.

Fuckers.

One step farther from the edge of existence....

I have a computer.

More importantly, I have DSL.

Heh.

Hehhehehehehehehehehehehehheheheheheh.

Life, dispite all it's horrific annoyances, now goes on.

In matters of less importance, a funny thing happened today whilst up in the creepy rafters of my new house, looking for one of the furnaces to insulate:

Boy (my older brother) *fake drawling southern accent*: I's do believe it be this way.....

*proceeds to climb through some tight boards*

*I follow*

Me: *mimicking in monotone* Well, I's do believe I don't bend this way......

............................


Dammit. You know it's funny.

Heh.

Help is only one pill away....

I just slept for 12 hours straight and.....

...........I'm never doing that again.

I suppose I was merely exhausted from another ten hour shift of bullshitted semi-friendlness. Still, the horror that I've failed so utterly as an insomniac is staggering.

Eh. Oh well. Shit happens. The world doesn't really need to hear about my sleeping habits does it?

No. It really doesn't.

I've made a new discovery recently: the incredible addictive properties of Red Bull. Hell below, that is one glorious drink. (Not to be put on a pedastal higher than my even more glorious Coke of course). At but a glance on the back, it's easy to see it's a well brewed mixture of lightly carbonated death, but one finds it hard to care when one is handed three of them for free by an even more addicted co worker after a six hour shift just doubled because the mother fucking truck is late again..................

Heh. Rambling. Whoops.

These things happen when one is losing the last frayed threads of their sanity to the real world. Heheheheh.

Damned real world.

Damn it.

The only comfort in life, is the futility of death

Halloween.

Ohhhh.....I'm terrified.

Heh.

The day where all the little trolls should be up and about ripping off free, possibly poisoned candy from every house in sight but aren't, because they did that yesterday.

Kinda defeats the purpose doesn't it?

I've had a slight epiphany this particular year: Halloween bores me.

Not of course, with the creepy, the horrific, the gorey, and the morbid. But nothing about Halloween is particularly anything of the above really. Perhaps slightly morbid, but nothing noteworthy. I mean, yes, I'll give due credit to well excecuted (heh) haunted houses and the like, but honestly............

Does a five year old dressed up as a blue M&M holding a plastic pumpkin going "Trick or Treat" really scare you?

Ugh.

That makes me sick, not scared.

Stupid kids.

I suppose I've become a veritable Halloween Scrooge. The only slight humor I can take from this is when someone says "nice costume" to me as I walk down the street not realizing that it's not a costume.

Just me.

Cold and creepy, all year round.

Bah humbug.

Ice cream can kill if you're creative enough

Eh. I lied. I do have mudane things about life to go on about.

We had a storm by my house last night. Now admittedly, I'm sure that down in New Orleans they'd laugh if I even called it so much as overcast, either way.....lots of rain, thunder, and lightning. In the middle of the night too.

All that good creepy stuff to make a dark person positively blissful.

I had one of those nightmarish moments that I live for. (I'm wierd like this, you see.). I was sleeping at the time, when a giant smash of thunder woke me up and my roon-being the creepy little upstairs dungeon that it is- looked like an absolute horror movie when the lightning that followed lit it up. I swear, I even saw something that looked like a person in a cloak (mind you, it was a vacumn, but never mind).

I opened my eyes and muttered something like "Ohhh. Creepy dead looking people. Cool." before falling back into my nocturnal coma.

Awesome.

Incredibly stupid.

But awesome.

Ice cream can kill if you're creative enough

Another long, frightfully predictable and boring day.

It's like nirvana for the dullest of souls.

I'm caught in a bit of a rut as of late. I've gotten ridiculously few hours at Best Buy this week, no car, no money (I may have erm....bought an entire TV series on DVD at once...), and no more of the aforementioned DVDs left to watch.

So what do I do?

Journey to the Library at blog of course.

I've nothing noteworthy to blog about. No life events that neither I, nor the rest of the world give a proverbial rat's ass about, nor do I have some long, wordy, and potentially immature rant to sprew.

But I'm being rebellious to my lack of ambition and doing it anyway.

Personally, I think it's my lack of Internet that's doing this to me. To the untrained eye, I am merely a dull person wasting their life pining for some information on a screen. To those of intelligence, they can see past the blank stares that are on my face regardless (heh). and see that actual mental activity happens when I'm online.

At the moment, I'm just running on a few dead wires that are sure to short circut soon in my brain.

So.......I can completely and totally justify my lack of ambition and even further lack of anything at all interesting to say because I am Internetless.

Heh.

Rationalization by an addict.

Oh yeah.

Darkness: your own personal invisiblity cloak

Now I know I've really lost it when I throw in Harry Potter references into my post titles. Heheheh. Which is interesting, considering it's been quite a few moons since I last read the books. I haven't really read much of anything lately.

I've been watching Xena.

This has been one of those weeks where I've fully taken advantage of my glorious Best Buy discount and bought a ridiculous amount of box sets. Two Xena ones were amongst my victims. To those who know me, this perfectly explains my noticible increase of insanity because I have this bad tendancy to watch entire box sets straight through. Meaning..........

45+ of almost nonstop Xena episodes. Heh. Heheheheh.

Plus 22 of Hercules. Which has Xena in it.

Eh. If I can't have my beloved Internet to drive me deeper into insanity, than I must rely on the good ol' days of television to do it for me.

While my brain takes a few hours to catch up with the shock that I just blogged about watching TV, I think I'll play Bejeweled 2........a whole pit of endless insanity in and of itself.

Insanity works just as well as ambition these days.

At the library once again, consumed with whether or not to brood angstily, or complain immaturely.

Decisions, decisions.

Perhaps I'll go another route: an impromptu observation.

They built a new Wal-Mart Supercenter in my town recently. It opened this week. We actually had a regular one before, but the suits up at corporate decided that it wasn't good enough. So we got the biggest one in the state. I went to check it out the other day, and have come to the already-realized conclusion that:

America is one giant herd of pigs.

It is the most sick thing I have ever seen (aside from all of my favorite TV shows getting cancelled, and the introduction of Vanilla and C2 Coke). The most asinine waste of space known to man......or pig. Isles of the most unnecessary use of space. An example?

Nearly ten feet between each related shelf.

An electronics section being a veritable maze of random displays.

Actually, I've a really good reference. There is a Home Depot right next to it that was built first. It is also one of the largest in the state........and this Wal-Mart is almost a third larger.

Heheheh. I might be more approving, perhaps even appreciative if the walls and floor weren't a puke pink color. Way to go, team of overpaid, obviously under qualified interior designers.

I suppose one has to see it, to truly grasp the horror that it is. Either way, I'll just end my little "obersvation" (Read: Wal-Mart rant) with a little observation of my own:

Wal-Mart sucks. Discounted Best Buy stuff rocks.

Fire has the strange ability to make darkness even darker.

I must take a moment to give the She-Beast credit. Oh yes. Cudos and salutations are in order.

Why?

She had a friend from work make the COOLEST portrait of me. Well of me, Darkphoenix (the other name I usually go by.....I'd better have mentioned it by this point...) anyway. It's kind of me if I were a comic book character.

Heheheh. I have blades.

Heheheheh.

I like blades.

It also has a little section in it where I'm ripping something's head off. Can you possibly imagine my sadistic humor?

The only thing that's kind of wierd about it, is that I'm wearing color in it. But as The Brat so accurately put it, it shows that I can be dark without having to wear black. (Heh. Not that I'm apt to put that to the constant test though). And besides.....

I'm ripping something's head off.

Fucking awesome.

Praise be to the guy who spent an entire year working on it.

Beloved Coke and unhealthy eatables all around.

........I like blades........

Wouldn't you know.....the Earth ISN'T flat.....

It seems I have some musical talent after all. I've actually managed to clumsily churn out a few chords on my guitar that actually sounds like an actual song.

There's me for you: defying the impossible. Once or twice anyway.

I have to be somewhat amused by this. I've had that blasted thing for nearly ten years now and I'm just getting around to using it. I mean sure, I've attempted to bring out the inner Hendrix in me before, but to no avail. Mostly, I've just let it sit suavely on it's stand making sure to polish it regularly so that all of the people that will never come near my room don't see it.

Heheh. Such deception.

You know what they say.......it's all a conspiracy.

Speaking of conspiracies....the She-Beast keeps looking at me funny. My instincts tells me she's up to something. Hopefully, if in fact I'm not being completely over paranoid and she actually IS up to something, it'll be something good. Something that will make my black clad self bask in the glory that is the brief fullfillment of my inner greed.

Of course, I'm not holding my breath. Blue really isn't my color. Heheh.

Fangs are a lot harder to have than they seem.

Heheh.

You can all open your eyes now. My obligatory once-in-a-blue-moon, immature teenage bitch and angst post is over. I'm still all peeved and whatnot, but I daresay it's time to move on to other things.

Like money.

As in, I have some.

It's the strangest thing. I've worked for almost two weeks straight, without a dime to my ever elusive name, and without a day off. Now all of the sudden I open up my wallet and there's actually something worthwhile to look at.

Woah...

There's a new experience. Heh.

I don't really have anything good to spend it on. Don't have enough for a trenchcoat, or any clothes for that matter (of the black variety, of course). Mostly, I'm sure I'll waste my labor on a shoddy ass video game that I got from Wal-Mart. I suppose one might wonder why I'm not utilizing my discount yet at my Beloved Best Buy.

I don't get it yet. Damn them and having to be employed for a full month before qualifying for it.

Speaking of Best Buy. Heh. In all my times at shopping there, it took me finally being employed there to realize just how creepy it is to actually be in the building. They watch you....and....they know.....they always...know......I find it rather cynically amusing that I managed to actually get hired with my personality. They want painfully friendly, outgoing, and driven people to be their blue clad minions. I'm pretty much the exact opposite, and yet there I am, ugly blue polo and all.

It's fate. I told you.

I think anyway.

Reality is about as worthwhile as cleaning gum off your shoe

Funny how life has this funny way of creatively kicking me in the ass, whenever it gets the chance. I've come to a conclusion about the Bastardly Parental Units:

They have no brains, are blind, and need to be possesed by Linda Blair.

Unfairness has always been one of those things that has plauged me. My brother, the born a drunk redneck, and The Brat, a lets smoke pot, soon to be alcoholic, running away fuckhead have always gotten away with whatever dubious deed it was they were doing. Example?

Redneck Boy comes home drunk for the umpteeth time at 17 after nearly swerving his truck into a tree. What happens?

"Boy, be up early tomorrow. We have stuff for you to do."

Redneck Boy swears at the Bastardly Parental Units and takes off till the wee hours of the morning. What happens?

An all out pretendfest that nothing ever happened.

The Bastardly Parental Units catch the Brat smoking. What happens?

"Empty the ashtray and don't do it anymore."

They call the cops on her two weeks later for running away with some friends who have been giving her drugs. What happens?

"Be nice to your sister Dark (Me, obviously not my real name.). She feels left out."

I get a detention few years ago for forgetting a homework assignment. What happens?

I nearly get strangled to death by the Beast, and am stuck in a room with no TV, books, radio, or anything else of vague interest for over a month.

I mention that I'm eighteen and shouldn't have to beg for every little thing, or give a detailed description of where I'm going every time I leave my room. What happens?

Serious threats about being banned from using the car, which would, in effect, make me lost both of my jobs, and once again resign me to my lifelong prison sentance at home.

I'm not the kind of person to instinctively get themselves into trouble. I'm a dark, cynical person, yes, but not someone who is particularly inclined to really get into serious trouble. The reason? I don't care. I don't have the ambition to bother with sneaking out, nor the desire to make an ass out of myself while high. It's only when I get positively nailed to the proverbial upside down cross for inching towards the normal things people do, like leaving the house while everyone else commits felonies and practically gets a pat on the goddamned back, that I half debate shooting caution to the wind and seeing where Hell takes me.

Fuck this. I want a baseball bat to smash things with. Who knows...maybe if I ask nicely......heh.

Suicide is for those that don't realize we're all already dead....

I got the job at Best Buy.

McDonalds, goodbye. I am now a minion of my Glorious Best Buy. I believe I mentioned something about a manical laugh once I found out for sure.

Ahem.

MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....

I'd go on a slew of "fuck you's" and "I knew it all along's" but that would be lame so....moving on.

This week I think I earned "cat owner of the year" award. If I didn't, someone fucked up, because I bloody well should have. The story? Ah, sit tight nonexistent trollish children....it's almost a long one.....

I walked into the kitchen sometime around Monday, and I kept hearing this meowing underneath the floor. I checked the basement, and there was nothing of the feline variety to be found (other animals on the rodent side of the spectrum however, were plentiful). All around the house I searched. Still nothing. I decided that perchance it was just a barn cat outside intent on making my life ever more the living hell that inevitably aspires to be. Days later though, it was still there. Finally, I discovered the source of it all.....

Underneath the crawlspace.

For those of you in those nearly enviable modern homes they have these days, crawlspaces are disgusting, vile areas underneath a house where one can crawl in. For what particular purpose, I'm not exactly sure. But our house is over 160 years old, and we have one. But anyway......

Imagine my horror, for a brief moment, to discover this. To look inside that spider infested, rodent bearing, Lucifer knows what else hole in the ground and realize......

I'm going to have to go in there.

It was one of the few places on this planet where I've vhemently aspired not to go. Alas, the moment had come, and while I knew I was going to have to go in there to see where this bastardly animal was, little did I know the worst was yet to come......

The first "step" (well, crawl really) was okay. Morbid curiosity even managed to kick in for a brief moment. Here I was in the crawlspace of a comparatively ancient house where no one had probably gone in in probably fifty or so years. Another foot or so in, however, and the disgusted horror set it. With the beams to the floor of my house smashing into my back (one of those moments where I can truly appreciate not being claustrophobic), I looked to my left and saw less than three inches from my face.......

A giant thing of spider eggs.

Keep in mind, this wasn't one of those clusters that one finds in there house when one has neglected to clean their room for many a moon. This was straight out of that "Arachnaphobia" movie. And while being highly arachnaphobic, I managed to keep relative apathy (by relative, I mean there was much swearing involved) and press on into the impending darkness. Still I heard the meowing, though couldn't find the source of it until I saw a cluster of rocks where the sound suspiciously resonated. Five more feet in and every "Ring" joke I ever made bit the dust.

Do you know what I found?

In what looks strikingly similar to that well pit in "The Ring" only without water and slightly less deep, I found the cat that had so elusively dodged my radar. There, twelve feet down in this uncovered, unknown, and entirely creepy pit it sat, meowing for dear life. Honestly, I would have been content to let it rot, but my own indoor cat was having a fit, and the Parental Units bid me be the One of Feline Rescue. There was no easy way to save this cat, mind you. I certainly couldn't have, (nor would have. Rotting animal bodies, on the bottom of my boots, no thank you.) crawl into the pit to get it. Floor beams were in the way. The beams also hindered the use of any nets, and the idiocy of the cat left most other means that were thought of useless.

In the end we ended up getting a hole cut through the kitchen floor, and lassoing the damn thing around the neck to get it out. I spent a total of about seven hours in that infested little hell.

All for a goddamned cat.

That's right everyone. That fucking award is MINE.

Oh. And I work at Best Buy. Marvel everyone, I'm better than you. MUA. HA. HA.

Rebel my pigs, rebel.

Best Buy actually called me back.

Can you believe it?

If you're feeble mind is in fact, able to believe that, what happened next is surely of the mind boggling variety.....

I scored a second interview.

Yes, you can take this to mean that I went in for a first interview. I can't tell you how much my face and brain hurt after having to bullshit cheerfulness for fourty minutes of my existence. Either way, it was worth it. The next interview is apparantly a group interview thing, to gather all of us potential Best Buy minions together to see which among us is worthy to bear the Best Buy logo.

So very....very close......

I'd laugh evilly, but I'm going to save that for after (and if) I take my place and my Beloved Best Buy.

Oh fuck it.

MUAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHAHHAHAA.......

When hate is your friend, you find you don't need any others.

I'd like to say that I've gotten my Internet back, and that in my somewhat short absence I've dilligently begun a fourth IBC.

Alas, neither is true.

I'm at the library again, with lots of little kids running around doing their absolute best to be as annoying as possible. It horrifies me to think that I was once one of them. Well, okay, I'm using "one of them" kinda lightly. I was never normal by any standards. Ah well. I'm forever wierd.

I just can't believe how many there are.

Heh.

A group of twenty or so just walked in. It makes me think that the parents of this town are inheriting rabbit breeding characteristics. Damn all of them, for being the cause of my annoyance.

Anyway.

I applied to my Beloved Best Buy the other day. Somehow I get the impression that I'm going to find it difficult to get a job there. I think their looking for someone with an eerie sense of cheerfulness and sociability-of which I have neither. But hey, I can bullshit pretty well. That doesn't mean I'm going to be a fountain of happiness and joy, but I can pretend that speaking to someone isn't grating on my very being.

Heh. I don't know if it's just me, but this blog post that was supposed to be all suave and cool sounding is turning out to be a veritable disaster. Fucking kids.

I blame them.

All of them.

CAUTION: Paper dragons may eat your cookies

Obviously, I haven't blogged in awhile. The reason is both annoying and deeply entertaining.

Would you like to know what I did?

Would you really?

.................I blew up my DSL modem.

Now, I didn't exactly do it on purpose, but nevertheless, I'm once again left without my glorious Internet at home until I can get a new one. Perhaps you're wondering (if in fact anyone actually reads this...heh) how precisely I managed to make the insturment of my addiction go boom.

Heh. Lets just say that storms, spilt Coke, lightening, and the power being on are not a good mix.

Anyway, between work, and that little thing called sleep that I'm forced to do on brief occassion, my ability to make the trek to the library has been more difficult than usual. Not that I'm not trying of course. With only a few hours before I must make with the burger flipping, I rolled out of my darkened cave to walk two miles just to get some damned Internet time.

Find someone who's more addicted than I am. Go on. I dare you.

Heh.

Fuck I'm tired.

I'm getting the distinct impression that this particular blog post is horrendously incoherent. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I don't really have the energy to wade through all of the big words I inevitably end up using to make sure everything is up to grammatical snuff.

You know what they say, why do today, what you can put off till tomorrow........

WARNING: Excessive sleep can result in migranes

Heh. This is interesting.

For no apparent reason, I woke up with morning with my eye swollen shut.

I didn't do anything to make it look like I got into one punch boxing match. The Bastardly Parental Units deem it an allergic reaction. Most likely from my looks-nothing-like-the-Crow-but-I'll-use-the-comparison-anyway eyeliner. Heh. While deep down I know they're most likely right for once, I still swear they're just using it as an excuse to get me to stop wearing it. Sorry to disappoint.

Alternative lifestyle. You get the idea.

It's not that I'm going to have a whole identity crisis if I'm not wearing it. Personal appearance is only a small facet of being a dark person. (Not that it wouldn't be traumatic if I had to wear color. Ugh. I shudder to think..) But I like it. Swollen eye or not, I'm still wearing it if I can muster up the ambition to actually bother with it.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to do that?

Anyway....

Apparantly we're going to the mall today. The Brat needs to get a dress to go to a wedding of someone in The Family. I don't really consider them mine. Extended family has never really been a big thing in my social environment over the years. Either way, I'm tagging along just so I can browse through some trenchcoats, and perhaps see if I can't scrounge up a couple of Super Nintendo games at the Gamestop.

Of course, I'm saying this like I have money. Heheh. I don't really, actually. All I have left is a well, not measly, $100 that I got as a graduation present. Somehow I get the idea that I'm not supposed to spend it. But given the rarity of my mall access, I'll just ignore that little voice in my head. If indeed it is supposed to be unspendable, payday is on Thursday, and nobody needs to know.

Deviousness kicks ass, just for the record.

Second guessing is the root of blog destruction

I hate it when I go all spontenously second guessing.

Argh.

I was browsing through some xanga blogs. Honestly, I almost wish I would have put this one over there. Almost. Not to give the impression that I've any intention of moving my blog. That would not only be outrageously impractical, but would make the last year's worth of blogging an indescribable waste of time. Besides, the one I have here is just too cool to give up.

So here we are.

Long live blogger.com.

Note: Yawning may result in mass fly inhalation

I'm only half awake, but yet for some reason, I was compelled to blog.

Ah, the obbessive tendancies of my Internet addiction.

I have to go to work today. Every ounce of my being wants to change jobs. Which is kinda funny since every day I've had off, I've done a stellar job of not going out to apply for anything. I think my ambition needs to get a swift kick in the ass.

Along those lines, I was amusing myself earlier by filling out one of those personality tests when I came across the question (well, more like empty blank) that read: "Occupation".

What exactly am I supposed to say? Burger flipper? Cook? McDonalds minion? Lifetime slacker? Gee....they all sound so terribly prestigious don't they? Heh.

That may actually have been just the kick in my ambition's ass that it needed....

Sleep is for the weak

Another day.

Heh. Still in a foul mood.

It's not quite as bad as the other day. I'm slowly reverting back to total apathy, which is nice, because it makes resraint so much easier. Eh, but anyway....enough about me and my moods....

Just for kicks, I rented the Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets game yesterday. (The video store only has 8 games...believe me when I say I'd rather play Mortal Kombat) Whoever worked on that game needs start hitting there head on the nearest desk. Almost every time you go into a new room, or lose a life, it reloads the whole world. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to lose a life and then have to spend forty seconds just waiting for the thing to load. I've never seen such a ridiulous thing in all my years of gaming.

Not that I'm a hardcore gamer, by any means.

I always wanted to be, but I never had the cash to spend on games. A good example of this is my N64. I've had it since the year it came out and I only have five games for the system. Sure, I've rented a few, but yeah....the nearest video store needs to get a reality check....eight games don't really cut it selection-wise.

The only system I've ever considered myself a gamer on is Super Nintendo. That is a system where I've definetly gotten my parent's moneys worth. I think I've played around 150 games for the thing, and own more games than my other six systems combined. Heh. Not to suggest that I was ever particularly good at any of these games. The final levels of Donkey Kong Country still elude me, even to this day......

Eh. Victory will be mine.

Some day.

For now, I'll just revel in my not-so-recent victory of Final Fantasy X and X-2.

Scowl as if your blog depended on it...

Bleeding flames and damning hell.

Fuck, I am in such a bad mood.

It's one of those kind of general loathings so paralyzing, that you can scarcely blink, let alone stand up or swear outloud. One so deep that you can practically feel it in the core of your being, and you desire nothing more than to keep loathing forever.

It's a fine line I walk.

Half of me wishes to do nothing more than sit here loathing. The other half teeters towards raising hell on the next person to impede on my solitude. The Beast, for example. Every interruption, every question of what I'm doing is like the slow squeezing on the trigger of a gun. Heh. Not that I plan on shooting anyone.

Let's be clear on that.

But hitting? That is forseeable. Almost expected. Something I'd rather like to avoid, but it seems as though my surroundings are bent on annoying me as much as possible. Kinda like a blast back to the old days. Back in elementary school when I was a major menace when it came to anger management issues. Back before glorious apathy overcame me. And I wasn't your normal, screaming let's-cry-and-bang-our-fists-on-the-nearest-wall-like-a-pathetic-moron kinda angry kid. No...I had this look. This absolute look of burning hatred coupled with utter silence. Sure, I might have ripped something apart, or smashed something, but there wasn't a word. A little eerie, in retrospect. Scared my teachers half to death.

One could almost feel bad for those special ed. teachers.

Almost.

Sympathy is hard to come by when you realize how messed up that whole system is. I don't think schools can even fathom the fact that perhaps they do people more harm than good. I've seen some of my old special ed. classmates.....you might say they're a bit on the extreme side of the permanent dork and social retard spectrum. It's not that they were ever retarded, but like me, apparently needed some type of "emotional education".

That's nice. Fuck a kid up in the head just because she won't smile, or have a normal childish temper tantrum.

But I think that's straying a little far from my original point, if I can remember what it was.

Kinda funny to think how I've ended up then. Ironic almost. Now days it is almost impossible to send me into rage anymore (severe annoyance, yes, but not rage). By no doing or conseqence of my previous education or whatnot, I've turned into an apathetic, antisocial, volunatry outcast. Oh sure, I'll plaster on that almost amused face for my family, and I'll force my voice out of that instinctual monotone for basic politeness when needed, but take them away and I'm as cold as stone.

And I like it.

I always hear about people being told to "break out of their shell" or to "heal" and become what society deems as normal. People don't seem to take into consideration that not everyone enjoys normalcy. Emotion is as appealing as diving into a pit of boiling acid.

Another interruption. Brat....the thin ice you tread on cracks. So very close to shattering....

I can't even muster up the ability to pretend to be nice. Hell, I can hardly speak. Really is like old times then. If someone calls me fire eyes (what they used to call me when I was truly pissed) I shall officially deem old me returned...even if it is just for a day.

Oookay...this is getting entirely too long winded. But do I really care? Not especially. It's probably better than brooding in my swealtering hot room.

And again, she interrupts. She has her back turned, so she obviously can't see my glare. I almost stood up. Bad sign. I don't particularly want to do that. But dammit...leave. me. alone.

Is that really so hard?

Solitude is a glorious thing. It's almost like meditation, even if when by yourself you're blaring music or watching TV. A certain kind of balance is maintained. A mental psyche kept stable. Some people need it more than others. Like me. I need it almost as much as I need air (or caffine... a pretty close comparison either way). The Brat doesn't understand this obviously. She's always pestering me to go to parties, or hang out with her friends older sisters blah blah and more pointless blah. It's as if she can't see the bold line between being to shy too hang out, and just finding the company of other people to be an intrusion on one's personal space. And it's not that I can be near other people...it's only when they notice me or try and interact that the disgust fully forms.

Heh.

I guess some of us really are born into the shadows.....

Lets skip the anger and move straight into rage.

One of my cats is gone.

From the looks of it, some fuckhead took my cat. Who the hell just up and takes someone else's cat?!? Now admittedly, it is a particularly unique cat, but nevertheless.....good grief. Heh. One might try to tell me that perhaps my cat ran away or suddenly became up close and personal with the underside of a truck. Doubtful, especially since the Beast admits he saw someone messing with it earlier.

I'm not the fondest of cats, but if there's one thing you DON'T do is...

Take. Something. That. Is. Mine.

I'm one of extreme possessiveness. In elementary school I couldn't even throw away a broken pencil because of the mere thought that someone might take it from the garbage. (Which begs the obvious question of why I would even care if I had it in the garbage to begin with...) Things haven't really changed over the 18 years of my existance. I may not brood over the fate of a pencil, but hell forbid anyone touch anything I'm still using. I even hit someone once for messing with my CD player. The Brat, being the Amighty Kleptomatic that she is will barely glance at something of mine without express permission.

I believe I've made my point.

So of course, my day has been spent not worrying over the fate of my cat, but fuming in intense hatred of the person who had the audacity to even glance at my feline "possession". Damn them. They've ruined a perfectly good day of apathy.

See everyone? This is why you should never own pets if you're over possessive. Let that be a lesson to you.

Suffocation from the masses is a terrifically slow way to kill your personality

My cat is stalking me.

Yes. Stalking me.

Every waking moment of it's existence seems to be geared towards finding me. I daresay if I didn't have such a thick door leading up to my lair, it'd have the thing broken down in a desperate attempt to cling.

Heh. I don't do clinginess.

But to give you an idea to the extent of which I am being stalked, consider this: I was walking outside in the pitch black, when all of the sudden I feel something brush up against my leg. Now, luckily for my cat, I didn't kick it out of reflex. But in order for it to be outside in the first place it has to go through the whole hassle of getting out the "window". (I put it like that because it's not exactly a window anymore. More like half a falling down window frame being held up by plastic.)

Ah well. I really didn't need to share that, but I don't have the ambition to post anything more interesting. Not that I particularly care if my blog is interesting. I highly doubt anyone reads it anyway.

But on the off chance someone is: You've read my blog. Now I own your soul. MUAHAHAHAHA...

When the future starts looking as dismal as the past, you know you're getting old.

I have graduation practice Thursday.

It's not something I particularly look foward to. After all, the whole thing is like a celebration of the beginning of the end. My life as an ambitionless slacker can truly begin: a third shift recluse with no patience with reality or the stupidity of most people. Heh. Some people look forward to college, houses, and families.....

I look forward to an open Internet browser and a cold Coke.

Bland and dull. Do I like it? Ish. But that's what happens when you almost never leave the house for 18 years. You're bound to have a few issues here and there. Actually, I'm still a freak even when it comes to my own family. After all, my older brother is a hardcore partier with a tolerance of steel for alcohol, and my little sister who is a social butterfly and wannabe druggie extrodanaire. Then of course, you have me who is hopelessly antisocial and whose big event is a trip to Best Buy.

Just because I'm in a foul enough mood to say it:

Damn it all to fucking hell.

Heh.

When society comes calling, slam the door in their face.

Today was my last day of school. EVER.

After a nanosecond of nostalgia, I walked out those ugly painted doors for the final time. Now that my stuff is out of the building, it can burn. Were I the type of person to expend the energy on rude hand gestures, I would have flicked everyone off as I left.

But I'm sure I'll get over that.

Ugh.....not looking forward to work tomorrow. I have to be there at SIX in the morning. (READ: I have to get up at five a.m.) All just to make some damned breakfast sandwhiches that remind me of just how early it is.

Someday I'll work third shift....someday....

Exhaustion means nothing if you're a voluntary insomniac

I got my paycheck today.

On the way out the door to pick it up, The Beast grumpily asked me why I must always walk around as if I were going to a funeral.

I'm actually pretty sure it was a rhetorical question though.

Eh.

Tomorrow is the last day of school ever. As my exceedingly elusive yearbook signature says:

"And now the downward spiral of our lives REALLY begins. Erm....yay?"

Everything is pointless, but gee, I'm sure that was a suprise.

A small list of the things I am:

I'm tired.

I'm bored.

I'm dark.

I'm faintly pissed.

I'm annoyed.

I'm repetitive.

I'm ambitionless

I'm unenthusiastic.

I'm strange.

I'm antisocial.

I'm a fucking freak of nature.

There is one thing I'm NOT:

Amused.

Exhaustion means nothing if you're a voluntary insomniac

I am about to partake of Raviolli (I'm quite positive I've spelled that wrong) that The Brat has made. Funny though, I can't seem to remember whether or not I told her to or not. Must still not be all there from my mild concussion.

And WHY did I have a mild concussion?

Because I ever so suavely fell down a flight of stairs (again).

As if to make sure the horrors of Mondays were suitably impressed upon me, when heading downstairs to leave I slipped backward and tumbled into my closed door. Standing up, I opened my door, unleashing a flurry of loud, outraged curses. Needless to say, The Beast wasn't too pleased with me...though I think that was more for being ungraceful enough to fall down the stairs in the first place.

I did get sort of a deja vu feeling out of it. After all, I have done it about three times at this point.

Anyway, I went to school (evidence enough that I wasn't all there) bumbling like the now-idiot that I was. Even The Brat told me to go home. Still, I didn't. Dangeriously, I participated in gym class.

Heh. We were doing archery.

But hey, I can't resist the urge to use weaponry.

There's more to it, but since I'm lacking the energy to expand on it, I'll give you the quick cliffnotes version of the entire day: woke up, fell, forgot my name in study hall and couldn't sign onto the computer for ten minutes, bled all over a desk in Senior English as I failed to notice a gash on my arm, stared off into space during my Spanish class as I could scarcely speak English, managed my second best score in archery ever (42 out of 54), breezed through what was supposed to be a seven minute presentation on Italy in thirty seconds for Global Marketing, spent the last two hours of school in a dangerously comatose state only to go home and stare at my bedroom ceiling.

My existence is positively riveting huh?

Heh.

There is only one side of the Force....the Dark side.

I saw Revenge of the Sith last night.

OH. MY. FUCKING. ALL-HAIL-YODA GOD.

Heheheheeh. It rocked, and certainly lived up to my exceedingly high expectations. When they say that it's by far darkest movie to date, they weren't kidding. (Much to my sadistic glee). Standing in line for it-shockingly it wasn't sold out-there were some rather interesting sights to see. Among those:

*Numerous lightsabers of varying degrees of quality
*A Darth Vader mask that says those patented lines "Luke, I am your father" and such.
*Star wars cell phone ringtones
*Star Wars jackets
*Two crazed Star Wars fanatics dragging their baby in the theater (only noteworthy because it was about 11 p.m....deperate, they must have been)
*Liberal amounts of impersonations of Yoda, Darth Vader, Count Dooku, Darth Sideous, Obi-Wan and Chewbacca among others.
*One of the biggest congregations of nerds I think I've ever seen in my entire life

And though it wasn't in line, probably the most memorable moment was the brief standing ovation when the "Along time ago in a galaxy far, far away...." followed by "STAR WARS" came up. Ah, finally a little enthusiasm for sci-fi.

George Lucas, you are a genious. May the Force be with you. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

Don't shoot the messenger.....just rip out their tongue.

I nearly forgot to blog today. Quite shameful of me.

The Beast has put a padlock on the door to the computer room. He taunts me with the key. For now, I have access to it, unlike The Brat. However, there is the ever present chance that it could be ripped from me at any moment.

Heh. Just another day in the life of my psychotic parents.

At times I'm tempted to question why I pay such exhorbitant amounts for the Internet, when I live with the threat of being locked out. Truly, one must see my deep Internet addiction. Not that I really need to go on about that anymore. It's one of the most obvious aspects of my life and personality.

Well, aside from the whole dark and antisocial thing.

Ugh. This is terrible. I can't think of anything to post. I'm out of thoughts, ideas, poems, witty and sarcastic saying. Hell, even my trademark long morbid rants are falling short today. Maybe it's all the grease I've been around lately, but bloody hell am I becoming braindead.....

Whoever said absence makes the heart grow fonder obviously hasn't met me.

So I may have skipped school again.

I really shouldn't have. Any senior absences in May without a doctor's excuse is considered a truancy for some reason. Heheh. There's my addiction for you. In my defense though, I lasted nearly two weeks before my will crumbled into oblivion....

Also, I have this terrifically gruesome gash across my eye. (Okay, maybe not [I]gruesome[/I], but it looks bad). An overcompetitive moron in gym class whacked me with a ball rather hard. Got me right under the eyebrow. I found it quite funny at the time, which rather startled my gym teacher. There I was, blood running down my face, all amused.

Heh. There's me for you.

I'm in the mood to post something awe inspiringly cynical and morbid. What exactly to post seems to elude me. I suppose I could pointlessly prattle on about the number of deaths occurring at every second in time, or how many people are being tortured or starving to death in the dark facets of humanity. Perhaps even about how the world is on a glorious path of self destruction that will inevitably lead to the human race being wiped from the face of the Earth, never to return.

But you know, that would just be a waste of energy.

Do not fear. You have minions to do that for you.

I actually went to school today. A Monday. A waste of a perfectly good day that would have been better spent surfing the net. But no, I went.

Earth, continue shattering. I'm sure the shards will kill someone eventually.

That's all I have to say about that little "ordeal" for today. Perhaps my mindless shell will find it's brain tomorrow.....

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I can't hate you.....

I'm going to see Sin City this evening....for the second time.

The She Beast and I saw it about a week or so ago. She loved it. I liked the violence, but the plot rather bored me. But, needless to say, the obligations of that blasted Mother's Day are forcing me to venture out once more to the theater to see it again. And yes, before anyone goes about how it isn't Mother's Day yet, call it an early "celebration" (I use the term loosely).

In other uh..news, I've started to fully take advantage of my employment at McDonald's. You see, we McDonald drones get 50% off on food. Now, normally that's limited to something the size of a value meal. Today however, I ordered a whopping () $26 worth of food. Being the suave antisocial freak that I am, I have a terrific story about how I hadn't eaten in a week and a half and my paycheck had just come in.

Heheh. No, I'm just kidding, The manager was just feeling generous. Behold my discount.

Either way, I saved $13. So to all those who feel like mocking those who flip your burgers and take your strange, unreasaonable orders.......

HA. FUCKING. HA.

Procrastination. It's what you do when the future takes a brief hiatus.

Behold.

INTERNETLESS BLOG CHRONICLES III

Just for the sake of mentioning it, some things were originally in bold, or italics. Unfortunately, my computer/Internet is being an ass and I can't post it like that here at the moment. Oh well.


March 30th, 2005
Wednesday 2 p.m.ish
Just one more day in Hell

I tried to repress the urge to start another IBC, I really did. But six days without the Internet have left me even more of a raving lunatic than usual.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, my Intnernet is down again.

The Parental Units neglected to pay the bill again. Actually, if what I'm hearing is correct, it seems they haven't paid it at all. I can't say that I blame the company for shutting down Internet service that hasn't been paid for in four months. Heheh. I can't blame them, but I'll be damned (though aren't I already?) if I can't be pissed. Everytime the Internet goes down I'm further reminded of my ever deepening addiction to the online world. Last time it took me the better part of a month before every ounce of my being was consumed with the desire to go online. This time, it took me the better part of oh, five hours.

I've been told to get a life. My answer: I have one. It's online.

So to wax poetic, it's like the very threads of my existance have been ripped from me, and now I'm left with a tattered bit of scrap to cling to. Well, I suppose "cling" isn't really the right word. To stare at in blatant hatred and indignance seems more appropriate.

There is, perhaps, a beckon of hope for my beloved Internet however. I've managed to get hired in these past few days...at McDonald's. Heheheheh. It wasn't my first choice, I assure you. But when one is desperate for money and the Internet, one must deal with the horrendous fact that they are now doomed to a life ugly colored uniforms and hats all the while they come to a point of the realization of their potential: flipping burgers.

Maslow would be proud. So very, very proud.

Heh.

5:30 p.m.

It happens to be spring break. At least, that's what I'm told. This supposed "break" has been hardly the vacation those bastards on TV seem to make it. Cause I gotta say, I'm not on some ridiculously expensive resort beach in the bahamas, nor am I having a great time getting drunk with idiotic friends (though these previous two really aren't particularly appealing to me anyway), and I'm certainly not having what would be my personal idea of a spring break: a week and a half of uninterrupted Internet time.

Not being sick would also be a plus.

It's rather ironic actually. The day just before spring break started, I got rather sick. Funny how things go wrong in my dark little world, isn't it?


April 1st, 2005
Friday 9:25 p.m.
Never main, always kill

The library is a glorious thing. It truly is.

Today was a day to relish in the brief satisfaction of my ever deepening Internet addiction at the library. Two hours of blissful lurking online. I even managed to blog briefly. Of course, this will be my main blog until my own Internet is brought forth once more. It does however, prolong the arduous withdrawl process. Not that it would ever really end, but it's like putting salt on the wound.

The inner massochist in me postiviely squeals in delight.

On the more damning side of things, I managed to get a job, as I mentioned somewhat briefly in my regular blog post today. While I relish the opportunity to actually bring in a bit of money and be able to pay to get the Internet back, I am most certainly not looking forward to being surrounded people in addition to those at school. It's moments like these when I truly realize how far gone I am in terms of sociability. As The Brat told me (much to my vague amusement) that I give off the distinct impression of "While I'm being civil, I am absolutely seething in hatred of being here and having to talk to you in the first place." Heheheheh. Nice that I haven't lost my edge. That isn't, of course, to imply that I am shy. I am perfectly capable of social interaction. I do manage to find it quite funny when people assume that just because you rarely talk, it means that if you do, you'll be so scared you'll talk hardly above an inconfident whisper. No, I much prefer to talk at normal volume. After all, if I'm going to unnerve someone with my blatant coldness and overly eloquent speech, they need to be able to hear me.

It's only difficult to speak up when I actually have to force myself to portay any semblance of....cheerfulness.

While I can do it, it's the most repulsive thing in the world. It's like trying to break your very being apart with a sledgehammer. I must tell you, it's also quite an odd thing to see if you know me normally. I had to do this for my job interview the other day and there are people from school who work there. So aside from seeing me in jeans and a regular t-shirt (black, but no rude saying or anything. Just "Badlands South Dakota"), they were witness to me plastering on a fake grin and putting animation in my usually monotone voice. Ugh. Now admittedly, I suppose, I don't always speak in a monotone. Just when I'm not talking to family members as it usually results in endless beratements and questions of whether or not I should be allowed online because of it. It makes utterly no sense, but one must go with the proverbial flow of things in this ever downward spiral.

Boredom is beginning to consume me. As my computer is pretty much shot to shit at the moment (the only thing that actually works properly is Wordpad and my DivX player), I'm confined to the things I had before we had the computer. A couple of years ago, I would have been able to keep myself duly occupied for at least a month or so with TV and books, but I am hardly interested anymore. It seems my old hardcore TV addiction has become disgracefully rusty. I've even to finish watching the last couple eps on my Dark Angel Season Two and Buffy Season Six DVDS. I saw the epsiodes when they aired of course, but to watch them on DVD is a matter of principle. Well, for those of us who are horrendously consumed with OCD, which I happen to be.

A funny thing OCD. Who needs voices in their head when some invisible force in your mind pulls the strings for you? Don't feel like flipping the lightswitch four times and then glancing out the window twice before repeating the whole process over again? Too bad. Do it anyway. Don't feel like getting up to wash your hands for the eleventh time in the last five minutes? Fine. But every second you delay, your hands will feel more and more like they're being stuck with thousands of pins and needles. And oh, if someone has the audacity to lean on a pillow in your room, or lean on your bed and you don't feel like scrambling downstairs to shove them in the washing machine? Yeah. Just try and sleep with the word "folicles" repeating over and over and over again in your head.

I could go on, but I think I've prattled on long enough about my insanity for one evening.

April 2nd, 2005
Saturday 9:08 p.m.
Walk into sterile environments and then sneeze, it's fun.

I made brownies today, and like most things in this world, it didn't go well.

First of all, baking and cooking in general, aren't really my forte. However, the need for something of the sugared variety called to me, and low and behold there was a box of the Betty Crocker junk sitting on the counter. Heh. Diabetes happens to run in my family. Such cravings are forshadowings to the further demise of my health.

Eh.

Second, the ingredients were kind of half assed. Presently, there aren't the usual things lying about in the kitchen. So I just threw a bit of kinda iffy tap water in there along with some oil I found (though I don't think it was the vegetable oil the box said), and the eggs....well........were a bit past the experation date but as they looked pretty normal, in they went. All this turned into a nutty congomeration (the nuts were in there already...ugh...damned nuts) unto which even rats would be wary of biting into. When they came out of the oven they were all well and fine. It was just when they cooled.....

That they turned into something harder than cement.

Hehehehh. But that's quite enough about baking, I daresay. I fill my blog with enough meaningless things to go so horrifically overboard in the Terrors of the Kitchen stories.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to this concert thing in town. I must confess I was practically gaping when I learned that something was actually going to happen in my town. I swear it must be a first. I'm not really all gung ho about going, but briberies by The Brat and promises of relatively good music followed by additional briberies and groveling from The Brat hath convinced me to venture forth from my darkened sanctuary unto which my very existence is centered.

Okay, even I admit that was a little too dramatic. But anyway....

I'm told that I shouldn't wear the Crow makeup thing. (It really looks nothing like the Crow's makeup, but it's something along the lines of excessive black eyeliner artfully placed) The Brat seems to think I'll be made fun of. Upon hearing this, I had to smirk. It's precisely that reason why I find even those who seem relatively dark in personality to be utterly fake. (I'd use the word "poser" but I'm becoming sick of it). So what if people feel the need to rag on you for your choice in style? Even if it is rather eccentric, if it is what you are confortable in, why change your appearance to please others?

Job interviews don't count. Dunno why...they just don't.

I'm not sure if I was trying to make a point in that little impromptu speech. If I was, in my exhaustion, I lost where I was going with it. Eh. Must be those damned brownies. I swear, I really must start blogging about more interesting things before I really do bore myself to death....


April 25th, 2005
Monday 11:23 p.m.
Padded cells look best when covered in blood

I've skipped yet another day of school today.

Actually, I've got a nice little record going: four weeks straight of missing Mondays. I really shouldn't be doing this, with graduation looming around ever so tauntingly. While I don't lack in credits, there are a couple that I need to get out of scholarly hell. Eh. In time, I suppose.

Besides, what's the point if I don't have the Internet?

It's a standoff of sorts. The Internet bill has been paid, and now I must wait for them to turn it back on. I've been told it's going to take about a week for my glorious Internet connection to be back up. That was last Tuesday I think. So now I sit here, ever mindful of my obbession, waiting.....watching. It's only a matter of time. Hopefully anyway. Perhaps I'll have The Beast give them a call to find out what the holdup is. Yes...Internet...It. Will. Be. Mine.

But anyway.

In preperation of the new Star Wars movie coming out soon, I've decided to rewatch the first two Episodes of the new trilogy. Now of course, I'm on a complete Star Wars binge (Admittedly, because I'm terribly overcompensating for my lack of Internet). This morning I watched Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. A great movie, even if they weren't going to make more. Episode II, however, isn't really on my "Holy Shit, That's a Fucking Awesome Movie" list. No, I found Hayden Christensen to be a little to whiney for my personal tastes. Though I do think he'll do much better in the new one. MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA..

Darth Vader kicks ass.

The long road to hell just keeps on getting shorter.

I have my Internet back.

Life, once more, has resumed online. I regret to admit that I haven't posted (as one can easly tell), even though my excuse borders on valid. Heh. No time to post when one is completely absorbed in catching up with fanfic. Since I haven't the energy to do it now, I'll save posting my IBC III here for tomorrow. Though I must confess it is shamefully short. Eh. The world will live.

And that in itself is an indescribable disappointment.

My computer is also infected with a rather bad virus. It seems my computer is a proverbial ticking timebomb just waiting to crash on me. Luckilly, I managed to get into one of my emails (gmail, I am in your debt)and send myself the majority of my important files. Actually, I'm quite suprise it didn't give out sooner....virus, spyware, and general security programs were never really installed on my computer, save for the bit that I put in recently.

But that's terribly uninteresting isn't it?

Graduation looms just around the corner. The ever downward spiral just tilted even farther from my favor. It's moments like these when I realize how bad of an idea it was to get a job at McDonald's right around now. It gives me the distinct impression of "Well, this is it. Behold, your menial pathetic life." Not that I really care...as long as I have ample time to surf the net. But still, it's like a realization of destiny. Life as a burger flipper. Eh.

At least I die knowing I was the darkest burger flipper ever to grace a fast food kitchen.

It's not an addiction, it's an obbession.

Again, I've only time for a short post. However, I couldn't resist as I must share the glorious news.....

I AM GETTING MY INTERNET BACK.

Indeed, I paid the bill today, (Yeah, goodbye paycheck.) and I should theoretically have my glorious Internet connection up and running once more by tomorrow. Hehehehheheheheh. And then...oh...and then......I shall surf the Internet as it has never been surfed before......

In case you haven't noticed, in the absence of the one thing that has kept me relatively sane, I've truely gone off the deep end. Heh.

Fuck you and your goddamned hamburgers....

Another day, another desperate blog post. Truly, I'm sure, these little mini ramblings must be quite lacking in excitement. Frankly, I don't care. To blog, is to be. To be, is to exist in the cyber universe. And to exist in the cyber universe is to actually live, at least in some semblance of the world.

But never mind that.

Briefly, I'll state that the Internet may be mine once more sooner than anticipated. I get my first paycheck on Thursday, and it only takes a relatively small amount of intelligence to gather where I'm going to spend it.

For the intellectually inept, I'm paying the Internet bill.

I'll leave this post at that, and go on to frantically try and keep up with all the email, fanfic, and posts that seem to endlessly pour in.

Give me Internet, or give me death!

The days wear on and on and on....and yet, alas, no Internet. The depths of my insanity are unfathomable at this point.

That's all.

If they don't ask, don't tell. If they ask, lie like Hell.

For the millionth time, I've lost my Internet. This time however, it's clear it's going to be quite awhile before I get it back. One, because no one can pay for it (or for anything else at the moment) and two, because my computer is on a downward spiral that is probably going to inevitably force me to have to trash it.

In any case, I've begun a new IBC to occupy myself in the meantime. I shall still blog here though, as much as I can from the library. My Internet addiction has had me here twice a day for hours at a time. I daresay the librarians are fast becoming sick of me. Hehehheheheheheh.

While I'm sure I could spend the better part of what time I have left here complaining about the injustices of my world, and how utterly peeved I am, I have email to check, fanfic to read, and dark brooding to do.

Until next time.......

Sulking in the land of unemployment.

Alright, so it probably isn't the best idea to blog when I'm half awake.

Eh.

Another Monday. Thankfully, it wasn't too death defyingly mundane (not that it was exactly riviting either...eheheh). At least though, I can look forward to spring break, which happens to start on Friday. As I've quite stupidly decided to try and blog when I'm half asleep, I'll give you the lazy type of blog post. BEHOLD....

5 WAYS TO BE DULL LIKE ME:

1.) Spend countless hours online, even if it means staring at your email inbox.
2.) Find amusement in throwing a ball at a wall....for hours.
3.) Poke a piece of paper with a pen, ignoring the fact that the pen doesn't even work.
4.) Practice writing backwards...just for the hell of it.
5.) Instead of going out and hanging out with "friends" like most normal people, space out in your room instead, making sure that your windows are amply blocked out and the lights off so that you can truly wallow in darkness.

So that was rather mediocre. Heheheheheheh. At least I blogged. I'll just go on telling myself that one day I'll go back to posting relatively interesting things.

Who knows, I might just believe it.

When the abyss stares back at you, gouge it's eyes out.

Another long overdue blog post.

I suppose I should say something relatively entertaining. Who here really wants to here me complain and get all overly angsty?

Eh. Tomorrow perhaps.

One doesn't even need to be metaphorical to consider this week a marathon. Even having taken a day off (Monday, I believe it was), this week still managed to drag. Of course, I blame that more on the winter weather more than anything. Spring starts soon and we've just had another blizzard. I'm sure the universe is just going out of it's way to apease my inner massochist. Heh. But anyway....

I've finally gotten to pick up my comics from the comic book store. It's been about four months since the last time I stopped it. Frankly, I'm rather suprised the guy kept saving them for me. Completely worth the $63 they cost. I really shouldn't have let the She-Beast buy them for me as we have other things that quite seriously needs to be spent on.

Oh well.

Also, for once I'm oing to take a moment to flat out complain. Oh yes. An unbridled complaint that has been festering for the past week:

If I hear one more person suggest "get a job" when I say I don't have the money for something, I'm going to bash their heads in with a crowbar. (A baseball bat would be far too cliche for my personal tastes....heheheh)

One does not just pull a job out of their ass and bask in the glory of an income. One has to get hired. It's not a sure thing that just because one applies to ten different places that the job offers are going to flood in. More likely than not you're going to be sitting in the proverbial desert of unemployment. Like me. I've applied everywhere in town and yet nothing. So excuse me if I'm a little bitter when I hear the "get a job" line.

But that's all I have to say on that matter. Blantant complaining annoys me....especially when I'm the one doing it.

On a final note for the evening...............

Buffy lives.

I'll post something tomorrow. Perhaps even something faintly interesting and sarcastically humorious. Everyone just feel free to die of overwhelming anticipation.

It's because of optimists that the world is shocked when they see suffering.

My Internet was supposedly down for a couple days. Supposedly meaning, it didn't work for two days, we figured the bill wasn't paid, and when I went on the computer a few days later to watch something, an IM popped up.

The Internet addict in me mourns all the lost time that could have been spent online.

Basically, I didn't leave my room for four days. I found it rather amusing that during the middle of the afternoon on a sunny day (that was horrendously cold), I sat in my room with the windows blocked out, lit only by a blacklight. Heh. Actually, that brings me back to the days before I had a computer. But I'm not even going to go there.....

Onto other pointless things.

Another glitch seems to be hindering our move once again. The She-Beast, with all her enthusiasm for the place we just bought, has just announced that she wants us all to move to Montana. Sure, keep the place we bought for investment purposes, but build our life anew in the land of opportunity and wide open spaces.

In other words, in the goddamned middle of nowhere.

I may be a self described teenage hermit, but being in a state that isn't even worth it's own football team is not a thought I am fond of. Actually, I probably won't go if she does. Being 18 does have a few (very) advantages I suppose. It fucks up my entire plan after High School, but it's better than the alternative I suppose. Ugh. Life insists on incessantly throwing these flaming curveballs my way............

I wonder how long it'll be before I strike out....heh....

I'm only dead cause' I'm alive.

The future.

One of those hideous concepts that at this time of year, it is becoming increasingly difficult to avoid having to think about and consider. After all, if all goes according to plan, I graduate in just barely three months. I should probably feel anxious and excited.

Pity I know what a bitch the real world is going to be.

Where the hell did all that blissful ignorance of mine go? I could really use it about now. Instead, I'm consumed with utter denial as to the fact that my comparatively carefree world (in terms of financial obligations, taxes, and all that other annoying stuff) is about to end. All those smiling counselors and teachers that beam at you and spew such crap like "You have the best part of your life ahead of you" or "Your future's just beginning" are beginning to make me rather sick.

Thank you, but as any (or most) older people will tell you, the best part of my life is already over. High School sucks when you're in it, but come the 40's, you realize just how much better it is than being stuck having to be at work all day. And sure, my future is just beginning.....to end.

I suppose that is a bit overly pessimistic. Yes, I'm sure there are plenty of people who fully look forward to their years after high school, along with their prospective careers. But I myself am just going to do the dutifully dark thing and taint it all with my negativity.

But I think that was sufficient enough. Right now, I'm going to go and grab some Advil. A long field trip to one of the local technical colleges has given me a migrane.

On a side note, a word of warning: Don't ever buy half a pizza, a chicken sandwich, chicken tenders, and two Cokes and not expect to feel sick afterwards. Heheh.

Try to kill me and I'll drag you down to Hell as I fall, bleeding.

Heh.

I've become half curious as to why I bother with this blog. I mean, I haven't exactly said anything of real note, nor anything particularly personal. Even in a relatively anonymous online "diary" as it were, (aside from those few reading me who know me on my messengers...yeah...hi.) I've managed to leave out an astonishing amount of personal thoughts and opinions.

When I said the other day that my sense of reality was a bit skewed, I don't think I was kidding.

It's 8:40 in the morning. Normally, I'd walk downstairs, grab a Coke, and blog about something odd or interesting I saw the other day, dispite the fact that I really in fact, don't give a flying fuck about that odd or interesting thing. There are quite a large amount of things I haven't mentioned, things which are more than blog worthy. I'm not sure if it's my tendancy to distance myself from heh, myself or the obscene laziness that seems to have overtaken me these past two months.

Today I find myself rather sick of it all. I don't know if it's because I woke up a bit earlier than I should have (7 a.m. on a weekend is practically unheard of) or if I'm just in one of those overly thoughtful moods that I haven't seen since the first few weeks of my blog. Indeed, I reread my blog this morning and noticed how increasingly impersonal it's become. Not that I can really call a blog personal, but of course, I'm sure anyone reading can catch my drift. At this point though, I doubt that the situation can be remedied. I've lost the ability to even go past casual conversation with my parents. Not that I've ever really gone deeper than that with my Dad (the Beast as I should really keep referring him as). He's quite possibly the only person more dilluded than I am. But then again, his reality check is coming swiftly in the form of a mid life crisis. I shouldn't really laugh, but I find it amusing somehow. The man who calls me a lazy asshole with no sense of the real world is going to look in the mirror and see the reflection of someone who hasn't held a lucrative job in years, never graduated high school, doesn't know his kids anymore, and spends his recent days sleeping in front of a TV with no sense of purpose left in his life.

Pleasant eh?

I always like my life, admittedly, a little bit on the bleak side. I am dark by nature-probably moreso than is healthy. I'm not one to crave a Brady Bunch happy family living in the suburbs with lots of money and repsectable jobs. I crave honesty. Not necessarily spill-your-heart-out-to-anyone-interested but if anything, a recognition of who you really are. I myself may be distant, but at least I can be the first to admit that I'm far too antisocial for my own good, with a lack of ambition that is going to put me right where I belong: a deadend job flipping burgers or bagging groceries. It really does run in the family doesn't it?

Anyway, there's my little speech for the day. Back to the battlefield, I suppose.

Spikes: Useful torture devices as well as stylish jewlery.

As mentioned in yeseterday's post, I said I'd blog about something somewhat meanwhile...here it is. Heh. I think. My sense of reality tends to be a bit skewed these days....

The other day, I saw one of the most amusing signs I think I shall ever see in the rest of my entire existance.

The She-Beast and I were on our way to the DMV. (A hideously long wait just for a couple of damned stickers....) when we drove past a cemetary. On the fence near the gate was a large blue sign. It read:

"FUNERAL PLOTS!!!! ON SALE NOW!!!!!"

Frankly, it looked like one of those overly cheerful Wal-Mart ads or something. I half expected some rather pale version of the Wal-Mart smiley to be pasted onto the front of it. But I suppose the horrors of modern day advertising was bound to catch up to the mortuary business sooner or later.

In other strange events this week (more precisely, today):

In English class, I sit next to someone who could be categorized (where I lowly enough to use labels...heh...heheheh...) as an obnoxious-though-rather-convincing-from-a-distance goth. The teacher had stepped out for a moment, and the rest of the class was silently occupying themselves with a reading assignment. A fiendish idea came to mind, and when I presented it to him (without actually expecting him to really do it) he stood up from his desk, took a step forward and all of the sudden leaped into the air and scream (emphasis on screamed...):

"MIDGETS!!!!!!!!!"

The whole class burst into a fit of shocked conversation, after a moment of stunned, open-mouthed silence. Even I had to laugh at that.

Yeah, I'll admit it, even I crave a bit of odd humor every now and then. But why waste the energy being funny myself, when I can just as easily make a subtle suggestion for someone else to do it. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

But I digress.

Okay, actually I really don't. I don't exactly have a specific subject to "digress" from, but in any case, I'll move onto something else.

I applied at McDonald's a couple of days ago. Haven't heard anything yet, but I hope to find employment soon-even if it is flipping burgers. Money and new DVDs call to me and yet still I remain with an empty wallet. I daresay the moths will move in again soon....

Ah, finally a sufficiently long and not entirely (though perhaps quite a bit) boring. My task for today is complete. If you take that to mean that I centered my whole day on one blog post, in some aspect, you're probably right.

But hey, I never denied being an Internet and blogging addict did I? Heheheheheheheheheheh.

Stare into nothingness and you will see....well, nothing.

I don't really have anything to say today. This post was more of a quick assurance to the world, as well as myself that I have in fact, not forgotten my blog. There are things of interest worth mentioning, but will be mentioned tomorrow.

Most definetly tomorrow.

Begone my laziness in blogging will be, and from the firey ashes of my shadowy corner in Hell I will post...tomorrow.

And if you think I'm being overdramatic in that last statement, yeah, I really was. It doesn't matter though, it'll all be forgotten soon enough.

With that, I'm off to my dark cave to brood and perhaps, horrifically enough, fall asleep.

If you must burn something, burn everything.

You know, I opened up the blogger window with the intent of posting something rather long, and at least somewhat intelligent, but upon opening the window, I've become entirely braindead.

Nice timing brain.

A shocking thing has occured: I've just developed a loathing of music. Not just for my over listened to CDs, but of all of it. Music has never been one of my talents, and all of the sudden today it's been just "To hell with it all." Nearly blasphemous given the near religous fervor my Dad has for it.

I do hope this isn't permanent. After all, depressing music adds so much to one's dark corner.

But moving on from this rather unusual and somewhat bleak topic....

I saw Constantine last night. A pretty good movie in general, though it didn't quite live up to the hype it's commercials lead one to believe. Still, one such as myself can appreciate such harsh portrayals of Hell. (Now would be the time I burst into a fit of manical laughter before resuming apathy...MUAHAHAHAHA...)

It was kind of funny...I almost never go out and the decision to go was astoundingly random. It went pretty much:

*sitting in car on the way to the grocery store:

Me and She Beast: ...................................................

She Beast: Let's go see Constantine tonight.

Me: .........*blinks at the thought of venturing from the house* Cool.

I suppose there really isn't a need for a recap of that, but hey, why not?

So that's pretty much all that's worthy of even remote note. I could recap today, but that would be ridiculously boring for me, and I'm sure for whoever may read this. Meh.

Reality bleeds into darkness and the screams just melt away....

Went upstate to visit my extended family for four days (unwillingly I should add).

Complete, and utter Hell.

I suppose saying that I hate my extended family would be a bit of an understatement. Heh. The sheer magnatude of awkwardness and loathing both ways is a true test of one's ability to keep an apathetic face. Of course, I admit, I did make it worse-I refuse to change my personal style for anyone.

Which means that I will not renounce chains for girly clothes and colors. (Excuse me while I repress the urge to twitch in horror at the mere though). It is only a lack of will that people change themselves to please others-even when the viewpoint of the others is clearly wrong.

My extended family happens to be some of the most racist, bigoted, and prejudiced people that exist. Upon arrivial I recieved a lecture on how on morally wrong it is for a girl to wear dark clothes and heaven forbid, pants.

The sadist in me practically squeals with delight at the reaction I would have gotten had I mentioned I'm aithiest (yes, I spelt that wrong.....meh..). MUAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAA.

Anyway, I've nearly had to recover from the whole ordeal. My usual dark mood is at nearly psychotic levels.

She-Beast, hail me. Only for your pleading benefit was my company present.

That's not really the whole story, but frankly, this blog doesn't need to be defiled with the extended version. (Besides, I don't have nearly the ambition required for such a task).

Heh. Whatever energy I had left just ditched me. Dammit. I'll just be off brooding in the shadows about the injustices of everything. But don't worry (or worry, I don't care either way....heh) I'll post something a little less on the complain-about-the-downside-of-darkness-and-having-living-family side next time.

Give me a label and I'll burn your house down with it.

Today I've seen so many overgeneralized goth references, it's obscene.

I was browsing through some forums and saw a lot of posts of supposed "goths" talking about how they aren't different from anyone else (aside from how they dress), and are practically heartbroken that people hate them.

Posers, all of them.

Rather harsh, I admit, but the last few days it seems I've heard nothing about the "goth" culture. The school newspaper today included a letter by another supposed goth "protesting" the article I mentioned awhile ago. A seemingly noble idea, had she not echoed the article. "I've talked to a few goths, and they're the same as everyone else, personality-wise."

Erm...sure.

It's one of my pet peeves, I must admit. As one who has been labeled as one, (I much prefer dark person..."goth" is nearly offensive to me now), it's annoying to have people assume that I am trying to get attention with my appearance. I should mention, that I am not, merely excercising my personal tastes.

But that really wasn't the point, was it?

The point: It's the posers that ruin it all for everyone. One secure in their choice of lifestyle learns to accept that which comes with it, be it misconceptions, taunts, and overgeneralizations. I am not ranting because I want people to stop misunderstanding me, and grouping me in with other people, rather because I want those who dare to call themselves "goth" to stop complaining.

Welcome to the real world. Great, isn't it? Heh.

It's fun to throw broken glass at unsuspecting idiots....

Valentine's Day is tomorrow.

It's one of those holidays that makes me recoil into my dark shadow and glare scornfully out at people idiotic enough to quite literally, buy into the so called "holiday". It was of course, just a marketing ploy to get American consumers to spend their money.

Suckers.

I had to laugh the other day though. A few of the more...extensive..morons thought the day was "Valentimes" day. They're in high school and they haven't yet figured out what it was really called?

Heh. Aside from the Day of Happy Hell, but that name isn't quite as popular as I'd like it to be.

So there you have it, a Valentine's day rant that may perhaps be short, but most definetly to the scorning point. Marvel.

When lining those ducks up in a row....make sure you have the shotgun ready.

Coke is my friend. All hail the glory that is my Coke. Why?

Because it happens to be the greatest soda ever created.

Heh. Of course, that should be common knowledge to everyone, but for those Pepsi lovers out there (excuse me while I scoff drammatically), I felt a bit of enlightenment was needed.

The She-Beast hath invaded my lair to hibernate while The Beast snores loudly in his cave. It's a good thing she picked today, and not tomorrow, because I planned on sterilizing everything.

Yes, I'm one of those people.

Actually, I don't mind a little clutter, just as long as it isn't dirty. Or be anyone else's clutter. Meheheheheheheheheheh. But to get to the point of mentioning that, now I can't watch TV. Well, I suppose if I was feeling overly "rebellious" I could just tell her to get out or just watch it there anyway. Somehow I don't that would go over particularly well though. And as The Bastardly Parental Units weild the Power of Thine Internet.....

Obey the Dark One shall.

Hmmm....I don't know if it's just me, but this blog post seems really....not metaphorical..just loaded with my strange names for things (like Bastardly Parental Units). Meh. It's a glimpse into my horrific little dark world. I'm sure anyone reading this can decipher most of it.

And if not: find yourself a new brain.

That's it for this strange little blog post. My week has been entirely boring and mediocre, and completely not worth wasting the energy of blogging about.

Just be prepared tomorrow for my little rant on my loathing of Valentines Day......blech.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, than what about those who are blind?

If there's one thing I hate, it's a moron.

Funny how they seem to be everywhere.

Was moving things out of the chainsaw shop (I swear, the guy from Texas Chainsaw Massacre would have shit his pants if he saw it) to a different building since we're going to torch it next week, along with one of the other buildings. The guy who was going to burn the buildings stopped by. Now, we're burning down the other building first, (not the chainsaw shop) and at the time, I didnt' know that.

Apparently, neither did he.

He barged right in, looking at the place. I asked if he wanted me to get my Dad as he is the one handling that particular project. That was a no. I asked if he was sure this was the building he was supposed to do first. That was a vague yes. (More like a quite mumble of a ermhmm). I then asked for his name. Entirely ignored. He left, and will now come back in a few days with the idea for what he is doing completely wrong.

Nice job, moron. Should have listened to me.

But at least I'll get to watch something burn. It's been far too long since the pyromaniac in me got to sit through a good flame. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

If only it was me who was getting to play Legal Arsonist......

If you want a glimpse of Hell these days, you needn't even look out the window.

I swear, something is determined to kill me this week.

Yesterday at school, I had one of the worst migranes of my entire existance. The kind where I stumble though the hallways trying in vain to remember what my name is. It also happened to be the one day where we had a firedrill.

Guess who got stuck in a mass cluster of students right next to the fire alarm. Heh. So helpful.

Of course then I had gym class. We played baseball and while running to third base, some idiot tripped me. Slammed my head into the ground twice (Heh...I rolled. Admittedly it would have been funny were it someone else), though I suavely managed to smoothly stand up. To give you an idea of how hard I landed, I have an imprint of my gym pants torn into my leg. Heheheh. And when I came home The Bastardly Parental Units informed me that they were pretty sure I had a concussion.

Oh, and there's more.

Some ice I had in my soda that evening had something wrong with it. Literally chemically reacted with my soda...only I didn't realize it until a couple gulps into it. Single handedly the NASTIEST soda experience of my entire existance.

And still, there's more....(I feel like I'm on the Price is Right advertising prizes...heheh)

Today, I nearly got my leg ripped apart when The Brat dropped a metal table we were carrying. I didn't think the edges would have been that sharp, but it ripped through the bottom of my pant leg like nothing. Nice.

Also managed to get accidently smacked in the face when The Brat was attempting to throw a metal disc thing (dunno what it was actually...) into a pile we had set up. Knocked me flat on my ass.

There is no one who has sworn like I have sworm.

As you should see, I'm cursed this week. Just thought I'd mention that.

Pathetically, that's actually the only noteworthy thing that's happened as of late. I scarcely even remember anything else that happened. Oh, I one thing....

Star Trek: Enterprise got cancelled.

It's the end to a truly great saga in science ficton. Even managed to rank equally with Voyager And I shudder to think of when the experation label on Andromeda will surface. (That's probably my favorite show at the moment).

So there you have it, my rather violent week in one overly condensed blog post. I may remember more about it later...heh...blame the concussion...If I do, rest assured I'll waste your time and mine, posting it.

ATTENTION: Soda cans may NOT be used for lightning rods....unless it's for Pepsi. *cringe*

And once again I've slacked in my blogging. The addiction remains, but my brain has taken leave of me lately. This is what happens when you try to pay remote attention in college bound classes.

Especially when you aren't in fact, going to college.

A writing assessment took place at our school today. The topic: Name three qualities you like a friend to possess. It made for a rather unnecessary amount of conversation throughout the hallways and classrooms in nearly mandatory reproach. I must say though, the creative ways people mocked the whole thing suprised even me. Here are a few examples I managed to hear about:

1.) Someone wrote an essay sarcastically referring to another teacher. Like, "I would like my friend to teach the History of Aisa and Russia, and have Morda as a first name:. Not especially hilarious, but amusing enough.
2.) They would like they're friend to be able to excerise personal hygine while making it a point to dress like Napolean. (Ookay then..)
3.) Violent...violent qualities that would make any sadist squeal with hideous amusement.
4.) This is my favorite one...someone wrote their essay with normal qualities, and adequate length only.....She wrote it in Spanish. (I nearly laughed my ass off hearing that)

I myself wrote about being entirely anti-social and how it would have to be a cold day in a certain place that burns that I would actually look for a friend. Heheeheh.

On a completely different note, I've rearranged the entire set up of my computer. The Cats From Hell nearly ripped the cords apart, so I put the modem up on the desk (the She-Beast quite stupidly put it on the floor). As such, the main speaker had to go on the left side instead of the right. Nearly gave me a migrane trying to get used to it.

Of course, it looked quite well to the Bastardly Parental Units. As of late, I've been rather lazy. I'm supposed to be packing things up for the move. Frankly, I'm not getting in the Almighty Boxes Abound mood until the deal is signed and sealed. Only vague acknowledgement of the probability of it all sticks in my mind.

Meh.

I'd sit here and brood more darkly about something, but in case you haven't noticed, all my thoughts are of exceeding dullness as of late. That's what happens when you think to much...you get sick of your own mind. A hell in and of itself. Whatever. I'm sure the dark cloud over my head will bid me to blog about something interesting someday....

Apathy is just a hint of the dead soul that lies inside.

Another day of wasteful boredom for me to brood and ponder the ways of this pathetic world.

The Beast seems to be in complete denial about my wanting (read that as "needing") to get a job. I've mentioned I'm applying to be a Cart Herder at the nearest Pick N' Slave only to recieve a comment about how I should get more chores done.

Heh. And here I thought the real world was preparing to give me a swift kick in the ass.

Of course, this isn't going to stop me from doing it anyway. I have to say though, I nearly changed my mind about the whole ordeal after an innocent discussion with the She-Beast about the previously mentioned job turned into a stern lecture on how I need to set up a life insurance plan as soon as possible. Gee, and here I thought I was morbid....

Either that, or she's planning on killing me and pretending it was an accident just get money.

Somehow, I doubt that's the case, but either way, certainly not something I want to hear when getting my first, long overdue job. Associate it with death. Nice. Such motivation is staggering.

I'll just think of Best Buy and pretend it's all good.

See? I can feign blissful igorance too.....sort of...

Standng alone watching life speed by

It's been far too long since last I blogged. It's not that I forget, it's just that my life is so unspeakably mudane as of late. All of it has been mentioned at some time or another in my posts. There's my life for you, boringly repetitive.

Just to update on gym class: the teacher has been as sadistic as ever in making us run.

I've been sitting here the past six and a half hours, staring at my screen, and blaring music. During this whole time, all of perhaps two coherent thoughts passed through my dark mind.

Fridays, I blame you. (The day of course, not the restaurant for you morons out there.)

It can't be good when you've run out of things to think abou in your own mind. I never thought that having more free time would lead me to actually become more dull than I was before. The closest I come to even remote creativity is my blog titles. Meh. Whatever.

An interesting thing happened last night, well, really this morning. At about three in the morning I hear this blood curdling scream come from downstairs, so I came down to see the She-Beast standing in the middle of the living room. Heh.

Apparantly a barn cat had made it's way in the house, and ended up inadvertantly getting stepped on. Nice. I must say though, it wasn't quite worthy of the I'm-getting-murdered-by-evil-Lawn-Gnomes scream that echoed through the house.

But at least it was a moment of brief entertainment.

So there's my last few days in one very small proverbial nutshell. Marvel, or yawn. Be an overachiever and do both even.