When the future starts looking as dismal as the past, you know you're getting old.

I have graduation practice Thursday.

It's not something I particularly look foward to. After all, the whole thing is like a celebration of the beginning of the end. My life as an ambitionless slacker can truly begin: a third shift recluse with no patience with reality or the stupidity of most people. Heh. Some people look forward to college, houses, and families.....

I look forward to an open Internet browser and a cold Coke.

Bland and dull. Do I like it? Ish. But that's what happens when you almost never leave the house for 18 years. You're bound to have a few issues here and there. Actually, I'm still a freak even when it comes to my own family. After all, my older brother is a hardcore partier with a tolerance of steel for alcohol, and my little sister who is a social butterfly and wannabe druggie extrodanaire. Then of course, you have me who is hopelessly antisocial and whose big event is a trip to Best Buy.

Just because I'm in a foul enough mood to say it:

Damn it all to fucking hell.

Heh.

When society comes calling, slam the door in their face.

Today was my last day of school. EVER.

After a nanosecond of nostalgia, I walked out those ugly painted doors for the final time. Now that my stuff is out of the building, it can burn. Were I the type of person to expend the energy on rude hand gestures, I would have flicked everyone off as I left.

But I'm sure I'll get over that.

Ugh.....not looking forward to work tomorrow. I have to be there at SIX in the morning. (READ: I have to get up at five a.m.) All just to make some damned breakfast sandwhiches that remind me of just how early it is.

Someday I'll work third shift....someday....

Exhaustion means nothing if you're a voluntary insomniac

I got my paycheck today.

On the way out the door to pick it up, The Beast grumpily asked me why I must always walk around as if I were going to a funeral.

I'm actually pretty sure it was a rhetorical question though.

Eh.

Tomorrow is the last day of school ever. As my exceedingly elusive yearbook signature says:

"And now the downward spiral of our lives REALLY begins. Erm....yay?"

Everything is pointless, but gee, I'm sure that was a suprise.

A small list of the things I am:

I'm tired.

I'm bored.

I'm dark.

I'm faintly pissed.

I'm annoyed.

I'm repetitive.

I'm ambitionless

I'm unenthusiastic.

I'm strange.

I'm antisocial.

I'm a fucking freak of nature.

There is one thing I'm NOT:

Amused.

Exhaustion means nothing if you're a voluntary insomniac

I am about to partake of Raviolli (I'm quite positive I've spelled that wrong) that The Brat has made. Funny though, I can't seem to remember whether or not I told her to or not. Must still not be all there from my mild concussion.

And WHY did I have a mild concussion?

Because I ever so suavely fell down a flight of stairs (again).

As if to make sure the horrors of Mondays were suitably impressed upon me, when heading downstairs to leave I slipped backward and tumbled into my closed door. Standing up, I opened my door, unleashing a flurry of loud, outraged curses. Needless to say, The Beast wasn't too pleased with me...though I think that was more for being ungraceful enough to fall down the stairs in the first place.

I did get sort of a deja vu feeling out of it. After all, I have done it about three times at this point.

Anyway, I went to school (evidence enough that I wasn't all there) bumbling like the now-idiot that I was. Even The Brat told me to go home. Still, I didn't. Dangeriously, I participated in gym class.

Heh. We were doing archery.

But hey, I can't resist the urge to use weaponry.

There's more to it, but since I'm lacking the energy to expand on it, I'll give you the quick cliffnotes version of the entire day: woke up, fell, forgot my name in study hall and couldn't sign onto the computer for ten minutes, bled all over a desk in Senior English as I failed to notice a gash on my arm, stared off into space during my Spanish class as I could scarcely speak English, managed my second best score in archery ever (42 out of 54), breezed through what was supposed to be a seven minute presentation on Italy in thirty seconds for Global Marketing, spent the last two hours of school in a dangerously comatose state only to go home and stare at my bedroom ceiling.

My existence is positively riveting huh?

Heh.

There is only one side of the Force....the Dark side.

I saw Revenge of the Sith last night.

OH. MY. FUCKING. ALL-HAIL-YODA GOD.

Heheheheeh. It rocked, and certainly lived up to my exceedingly high expectations. When they say that it's by far darkest movie to date, they weren't kidding. (Much to my sadistic glee). Standing in line for it-shockingly it wasn't sold out-there were some rather interesting sights to see. Among those:

*Numerous lightsabers of varying degrees of quality
*A Darth Vader mask that says those patented lines "Luke, I am your father" and such.
*Star wars cell phone ringtones
*Star Wars jackets
*Two crazed Star Wars fanatics dragging their baby in the theater (only noteworthy because it was about 11 p.m....deperate, they must have been)
*Liberal amounts of impersonations of Yoda, Darth Vader, Count Dooku, Darth Sideous, Obi-Wan and Chewbacca among others.
*One of the biggest congregations of nerds I think I've ever seen in my entire life

And though it wasn't in line, probably the most memorable moment was the brief standing ovation when the "Along time ago in a galaxy far, far away...." followed by "STAR WARS" came up. Ah, finally a little enthusiasm for sci-fi.

George Lucas, you are a genious. May the Force be with you. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

Don't shoot the messenger.....just rip out their tongue.

I nearly forgot to blog today. Quite shameful of me.

The Beast has put a padlock on the door to the computer room. He taunts me with the key. For now, I have access to it, unlike The Brat. However, there is the ever present chance that it could be ripped from me at any moment.

Heh. Just another day in the life of my psychotic parents.

At times I'm tempted to question why I pay such exhorbitant amounts for the Internet, when I live with the threat of being locked out. Truly, one must see my deep Internet addiction. Not that I really need to go on about that anymore. It's one of the most obvious aspects of my life and personality.

Well, aside from the whole dark and antisocial thing.

Ugh. This is terrible. I can't think of anything to post. I'm out of thoughts, ideas, poems, witty and sarcastic saying. Hell, even my trademark long morbid rants are falling short today. Maybe it's all the grease I've been around lately, but bloody hell am I becoming braindead.....

Whoever said absence makes the heart grow fonder obviously hasn't met me.

So I may have skipped school again.

I really shouldn't have. Any senior absences in May without a doctor's excuse is considered a truancy for some reason. Heheh. There's my addiction for you. In my defense though, I lasted nearly two weeks before my will crumbled into oblivion....

Also, I have this terrifically gruesome gash across my eye. (Okay, maybe not [I]gruesome[/I], but it looks bad). An overcompetitive moron in gym class whacked me with a ball rather hard. Got me right under the eyebrow. I found it quite funny at the time, which rather startled my gym teacher. There I was, blood running down my face, all amused.

Heh. There's me for you.

I'm in the mood to post something awe inspiringly cynical and morbid. What exactly to post seems to elude me. I suppose I could pointlessly prattle on about the number of deaths occurring at every second in time, or how many people are being tortured or starving to death in the dark facets of humanity. Perhaps even about how the world is on a glorious path of self destruction that will inevitably lead to the human race being wiped from the face of the Earth, never to return.

But you know, that would just be a waste of energy.

Do not fear. You have minions to do that for you.

I actually went to school today. A Monday. A waste of a perfectly good day that would have been better spent surfing the net. But no, I went.

Earth, continue shattering. I'm sure the shards will kill someone eventually.

That's all I have to say about that little "ordeal" for today. Perhaps my mindless shell will find it's brain tomorrow.....

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I can't hate you.....

I'm going to see Sin City this evening....for the second time.

The She Beast and I saw it about a week or so ago. She loved it. I liked the violence, but the plot rather bored me. But, needless to say, the obligations of that blasted Mother's Day are forcing me to venture out once more to the theater to see it again. And yes, before anyone goes about how it isn't Mother's Day yet, call it an early "celebration" (I use the term loosely).

In other uh..news, I've started to fully take advantage of my employment at McDonald's. You see, we McDonald drones get 50% off on food. Now, normally that's limited to something the size of a value meal. Today however, I ordered a whopping () $26 worth of food. Being the suave antisocial freak that I am, I have a terrific story about how I hadn't eaten in a week and a half and my paycheck had just come in.

Heheh. No, I'm just kidding, The manager was just feeling generous. Behold my discount.

Either way, I saved $13. So to all those who feel like mocking those who flip your burgers and take your strange, unreasaonable orders.......

HA. FUCKING. HA.

Procrastination. It's what you do when the future takes a brief hiatus.

Behold.

INTERNETLESS BLOG CHRONICLES III

Just for the sake of mentioning it, some things were originally in bold, or italics. Unfortunately, my computer/Internet is being an ass and I can't post it like that here at the moment. Oh well.


March 30th, 2005
Wednesday 2 p.m.ish
Just one more day in Hell

I tried to repress the urge to start another IBC, I really did. But six days without the Internet have left me even more of a raving lunatic than usual.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, my Intnernet is down again.

The Parental Units neglected to pay the bill again. Actually, if what I'm hearing is correct, it seems they haven't paid it at all. I can't say that I blame the company for shutting down Internet service that hasn't been paid for in four months. Heheh. I can't blame them, but I'll be damned (though aren't I already?) if I can't be pissed. Everytime the Internet goes down I'm further reminded of my ever deepening addiction to the online world. Last time it took me the better part of a month before every ounce of my being was consumed with the desire to go online. This time, it took me the better part of oh, five hours.

I've been told to get a life. My answer: I have one. It's online.

So to wax poetic, it's like the very threads of my existance have been ripped from me, and now I'm left with a tattered bit of scrap to cling to. Well, I suppose "cling" isn't really the right word. To stare at in blatant hatred and indignance seems more appropriate.

There is, perhaps, a beckon of hope for my beloved Internet however. I've managed to get hired in these past few days...at McDonald's. Heheheheh. It wasn't my first choice, I assure you. But when one is desperate for money and the Internet, one must deal with the horrendous fact that they are now doomed to a life ugly colored uniforms and hats all the while they come to a point of the realization of their potential: flipping burgers.

Maslow would be proud. So very, very proud.

Heh.

5:30 p.m.

It happens to be spring break. At least, that's what I'm told. This supposed "break" has been hardly the vacation those bastards on TV seem to make it. Cause I gotta say, I'm not on some ridiculously expensive resort beach in the bahamas, nor am I having a great time getting drunk with idiotic friends (though these previous two really aren't particularly appealing to me anyway), and I'm certainly not having what would be my personal idea of a spring break: a week and a half of uninterrupted Internet time.

Not being sick would also be a plus.

It's rather ironic actually. The day just before spring break started, I got rather sick. Funny how things go wrong in my dark little world, isn't it?


April 1st, 2005
Friday 9:25 p.m.
Never main, always kill

The library is a glorious thing. It truly is.

Today was a day to relish in the brief satisfaction of my ever deepening Internet addiction at the library. Two hours of blissful lurking online. I even managed to blog briefly. Of course, this will be my main blog until my own Internet is brought forth once more. It does however, prolong the arduous withdrawl process. Not that it would ever really end, but it's like putting salt on the wound.

The inner massochist in me postiviely squeals in delight.

On the more damning side of things, I managed to get a job, as I mentioned somewhat briefly in my regular blog post today. While I relish the opportunity to actually bring in a bit of money and be able to pay to get the Internet back, I am most certainly not looking forward to being surrounded people in addition to those at school. It's moments like these when I truly realize how far gone I am in terms of sociability. As The Brat told me (much to my vague amusement) that I give off the distinct impression of "While I'm being civil, I am absolutely seething in hatred of being here and having to talk to you in the first place." Heheheheh. Nice that I haven't lost my edge. That isn't, of course, to imply that I am shy. I am perfectly capable of social interaction. I do manage to find it quite funny when people assume that just because you rarely talk, it means that if you do, you'll be so scared you'll talk hardly above an inconfident whisper. No, I much prefer to talk at normal volume. After all, if I'm going to unnerve someone with my blatant coldness and overly eloquent speech, they need to be able to hear me.

It's only difficult to speak up when I actually have to force myself to portay any semblance of....cheerfulness.

While I can do it, it's the most repulsive thing in the world. It's like trying to break your very being apart with a sledgehammer. I must tell you, it's also quite an odd thing to see if you know me normally. I had to do this for my job interview the other day and there are people from school who work there. So aside from seeing me in jeans and a regular t-shirt (black, but no rude saying or anything. Just "Badlands South Dakota"), they were witness to me plastering on a fake grin and putting animation in my usually monotone voice. Ugh. Now admittedly, I suppose, I don't always speak in a monotone. Just when I'm not talking to family members as it usually results in endless beratements and questions of whether or not I should be allowed online because of it. It makes utterly no sense, but one must go with the proverbial flow of things in this ever downward spiral.

Boredom is beginning to consume me. As my computer is pretty much shot to shit at the moment (the only thing that actually works properly is Wordpad and my DivX player), I'm confined to the things I had before we had the computer. A couple of years ago, I would have been able to keep myself duly occupied for at least a month or so with TV and books, but I am hardly interested anymore. It seems my old hardcore TV addiction has become disgracefully rusty. I've even to finish watching the last couple eps on my Dark Angel Season Two and Buffy Season Six DVDS. I saw the epsiodes when they aired of course, but to watch them on DVD is a matter of principle. Well, for those of us who are horrendously consumed with OCD, which I happen to be.

A funny thing OCD. Who needs voices in their head when some invisible force in your mind pulls the strings for you? Don't feel like flipping the lightswitch four times and then glancing out the window twice before repeating the whole process over again? Too bad. Do it anyway. Don't feel like getting up to wash your hands for the eleventh time in the last five minutes? Fine. But every second you delay, your hands will feel more and more like they're being stuck with thousands of pins and needles. And oh, if someone has the audacity to lean on a pillow in your room, or lean on your bed and you don't feel like scrambling downstairs to shove them in the washing machine? Yeah. Just try and sleep with the word "folicles" repeating over and over and over again in your head.

I could go on, but I think I've prattled on long enough about my insanity for one evening.

April 2nd, 2005
Saturday 9:08 p.m.
Walk into sterile environments and then sneeze, it's fun.

I made brownies today, and like most things in this world, it didn't go well.

First of all, baking and cooking in general, aren't really my forte. However, the need for something of the sugared variety called to me, and low and behold there was a box of the Betty Crocker junk sitting on the counter. Heh. Diabetes happens to run in my family. Such cravings are forshadowings to the further demise of my health.

Eh.

Second, the ingredients were kind of half assed. Presently, there aren't the usual things lying about in the kitchen. So I just threw a bit of kinda iffy tap water in there along with some oil I found (though I don't think it was the vegetable oil the box said), and the eggs....well........were a bit past the experation date but as they looked pretty normal, in they went. All this turned into a nutty congomeration (the nuts were in there already...ugh...damned nuts) unto which even rats would be wary of biting into. When they came out of the oven they were all well and fine. It was just when they cooled.....

That they turned into something harder than cement.

Hehehehh. But that's quite enough about baking, I daresay. I fill my blog with enough meaningless things to go so horrifically overboard in the Terrors of the Kitchen stories.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to this concert thing in town. I must confess I was practically gaping when I learned that something was actually going to happen in my town. I swear it must be a first. I'm not really all gung ho about going, but briberies by The Brat and promises of relatively good music followed by additional briberies and groveling from The Brat hath convinced me to venture forth from my darkened sanctuary unto which my very existence is centered.

Okay, even I admit that was a little too dramatic. But anyway....

I'm told that I shouldn't wear the Crow makeup thing. (It really looks nothing like the Crow's makeup, but it's something along the lines of excessive black eyeliner artfully placed) The Brat seems to think I'll be made fun of. Upon hearing this, I had to smirk. It's precisely that reason why I find even those who seem relatively dark in personality to be utterly fake. (I'd use the word "poser" but I'm becoming sick of it). So what if people feel the need to rag on you for your choice in style? Even if it is rather eccentric, if it is what you are confortable in, why change your appearance to please others?

Job interviews don't count. Dunno why...they just don't.

I'm not sure if I was trying to make a point in that little impromptu speech. If I was, in my exhaustion, I lost where I was going with it. Eh. Must be those damned brownies. I swear, I really must start blogging about more interesting things before I really do bore myself to death....


April 25th, 2005
Monday 11:23 p.m.
Padded cells look best when covered in blood

I've skipped yet another day of school today.

Actually, I've got a nice little record going: four weeks straight of missing Mondays. I really shouldn't be doing this, with graduation looming around ever so tauntingly. While I don't lack in credits, there are a couple that I need to get out of scholarly hell. Eh. In time, I suppose.

Besides, what's the point if I don't have the Internet?

It's a standoff of sorts. The Internet bill has been paid, and now I must wait for them to turn it back on. I've been told it's going to take about a week for my glorious Internet connection to be back up. That was last Tuesday I think. So now I sit here, ever mindful of my obbession, waiting.....watching. It's only a matter of time. Hopefully anyway. Perhaps I'll have The Beast give them a call to find out what the holdup is. Yes...Internet...It. Will. Be. Mine.

But anyway.

In preperation of the new Star Wars movie coming out soon, I've decided to rewatch the first two Episodes of the new trilogy. Now of course, I'm on a complete Star Wars binge (Admittedly, because I'm terribly overcompensating for my lack of Internet). This morning I watched Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. A great movie, even if they weren't going to make more. Episode II, however, isn't really on my "Holy Shit, That's a Fucking Awesome Movie" list. No, I found Hayden Christensen to be a little to whiney for my personal tastes. Though I do think he'll do much better in the new one. MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA..

Darth Vader kicks ass.

The long road to hell just keeps on getting shorter.

I have my Internet back.

Life, once more, has resumed online. I regret to admit that I haven't posted (as one can easly tell), even though my excuse borders on valid. Heh. No time to post when one is completely absorbed in catching up with fanfic. Since I haven't the energy to do it now, I'll save posting my IBC III here for tomorrow. Though I must confess it is shamefully short. Eh. The world will live.

And that in itself is an indescribable disappointment.

My computer is also infected with a rather bad virus. It seems my computer is a proverbial ticking timebomb just waiting to crash on me. Luckilly, I managed to get into one of my emails (gmail, I am in your debt)and send myself the majority of my important files. Actually, I'm quite suprise it didn't give out sooner....virus, spyware, and general security programs were never really installed on my computer, save for the bit that I put in recently.

But that's terribly uninteresting isn't it?

Graduation looms just around the corner. The ever downward spiral just tilted even farther from my favor. It's moments like these when I realize how bad of an idea it was to get a job at McDonald's right around now. It gives me the distinct impression of "Well, this is it. Behold, your menial pathetic life." Not that I really care...as long as I have ample time to surf the net. But still, it's like a realization of destiny. Life as a burger flipper. Eh.

At least I die knowing I was the darkest burger flipper ever to grace a fast food kitchen.