Finding solitude in shadows...hating the light

Today I sit here listening to depressing music and attempting to write.

I can't tell you how well that's not going.

But at least the music is keeping me from smashing the keyboard in frustration. I hate writer's block. It's like nails on a chalkboard ringing throughout my brain. I nearly visibly cringed when a thought NEARLY surfaced only to be lost. Heh. Why I keep attempting to write at all baffles me. Probably because I don't have anything better to do, aside from sitting here and blogging.

Hunger torments me. McDonald's calls to me. I'd burst into a cult-like chant (something to the effect of "McDonalds....McDonald's...come forth my Mcdonalds...") had I the energy to do so. Perhaps I'll go there later if I can find the money to do so. Meheheheheheheh. I have pennies...maybe I'll hand them six hundred of them to get a value meal.

And what a value meal I would have.

I'm in the mood for nuggets today. It's usually that, or the chicken sandwhich. And fries....oh...the glory that is fries. Some of my very being lives off of that stuff.

I think I'm going to shut up about food. The thought is giving me a headache.

Then again, I always have a headache.

This morning I was flipping through the channels and all I saw on TV were talk shows. Everywhere. They're a plauge only slightly less horrific than reality TV. What I don't understand though, is the really trashy ones. Dont' get me wrong, Jerry Springer showing us fat chicks wearing next to nothing and getting into a cat fight is briefly hilarious, but in the end, is incredibly stupd, and makes a mockery of our entire society.

Who would even want to be on the show anyway?

It's like voluntary public humilation. If you want to get into a fight, and argue with your ex or something, do so...but not on national television. And if some people find it overwhelmingly entertaining, doesn't that tell you that all you are is a pawn in the freakshow that is American television?

Apparently, no one seems to care whether it is or not.

But whatever. Television is crashing and burning anyway. Talk shows fueling the fire only make the death a little quicker...even if it is more painful for the rest of us.

Time to go and wallow in my Buffy DVDs.

I'd say "Fuck You", but that would be repetitive wouldn't it?

Another day for me to aimlessly blog about pointless things. Heh. I did get my comments thing working so if someone here is actually reading this (a shock in and of itself) you can now comment if the mood suits you.

I really don't have anything deep or profound to say today. To be honest, I should really just post what I have and leave it at that. But yet somehow I'm compelled to keep wasting bandwidth that isn't mine with trivial things.

Like discussing how pointless it is to be discussing how pointless it is.

If that was confusing, it wasn't ment to be, but I mock you if you are. Meh. Fuck this. This post is disgusting me in it's blandness.

Even in death you can never escape from yourself....

Sometimes I need to be reminded of why I like being antisocial. Today I got a blatant one.

I believe I mentioned a party in an earlier blog post. If I didn't, then I'm dillusional (*shrug*). In any case, I went dispite the fact I really didn't want to. Heh. I forced myself to go anyway just to at least say I've been to a party at least once.

It was the most boring moment of my entire existence.

That is saying alot. It beat out the time I got stuck at my Aunt's house, literally staring at a wall for three days straight without anyone to talk to, no TV, no CD player...nothing. I resorted to counting carpet fibers. (I lost count somewhere after 6,000 though...)

And even that didn't hold a candle to the boredom that was this evening.

The party itself wasn't that big. About 15 people. Unfortunately, five or so of them were The Brat's freshman friends. Their biggest thrill was walking up to a gas station a mile away and trying to convince the cashier to sell them cigarettes. I basically walked in, blinked, stared at the wall, and tried to listen to the Cradle of Filth CD playing ridiculously loud.

I suppose it might have been somewhat fun were I the type to goof off.

But I'm not.

Even the "host" was bored. We ended up having a whole conversation about how boring his party was. On one humorous note though, someone decided to jump into a trashcan only to accidently get himself stuck. Way to go moron.

I bailed early after being there for only two hours. The dark confines of my room seemed not so much cagelike anymore, as they did a dark oasis. Thankfully, one positive thing came out of this, I now have a copy of one of the OTEP CDs that I've been dying to listen to. After listening to it straight though I can honestly tell myself....it was so worth it. Just.....

I'm never doing that again.

Awaiting the end of the world with open arms and a loud "I Told You So"

I am so utterly sick of writing. Heh. Made an attempt at poetry last night. It didn't go well. Actually, I had to resist the urge to burn all of my past stuff.

Thankfully, I had a moment of brief rationality and didn't.

Where was the rationality when I started writing in the first place? Ugh. Hey, so I'm my own worst critic, but honestly it's so......mediocre. It's not bad, but certainly isn't what it should be. Paging through it all reminds me of one incredibly broken record. Saying the same thing, umpteen different ways.

Oh well. I'll just go reread the one or two that I'm actually really proud of and shut the fuck up.

Anyway.

I've discovered the joys of Internet radio these past couple of days. Oh the things I have been missing. It's cool being able to listen to a radio that basically plays whatever I want it to and without commercials. How I do loathe commercials. It ruins the flow of the dark, depressing music. I mean, who wants to hear about new deals at the local Ford dealership or some obscure concert by a band that sucks right after an ultra serious suicide song or something?

Not me.

That's actually one of the main reasons I stopped listening to the regular radio on my stereo. Instead, I just burn kick ass mixes all the while telling myself that someday I'll get the artists CDs.

Fuck. I've lost my ambition to continue. My thoughts are boring anyway. Maybe something of interest will inspire me tomorrow.

But don't hold your breath.

Screaming will get you nowhere....the whole world is deaf.

Finally it's all over. The fiasco known as Christmas has ended. Such relief I haven't known in years. But anyway, I'm sick of thinking about the holidays.

So I won't.

We bought a new house. Honestly, the designer/architect was mentally challenged. The outside is nice enough, but the inside....good god. Firstly, it has bathrooms fucking EVERYWHERE.

Two in one hallway is excessive.

Heh. And part of the cieling has what looks like fencing on it, and one room is covered in black shingles. I might like dark, but that's just plain ugly. But it won't really matter as we plan on remodeling.

The land itself is kinda neat though. 23 acres and two ponds stocked with fish. MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA...

I can kill things. (or at least catch them).

Hopefully, the Bastardly Parental Units will come to their senses and give me the boathouse that came with the place. After all, privacy is everythng. Lurking is an art, that can only truly be perfected with one's own space.

In any case, we're moving somewhere in the near future.

I think.

I am of course, just waiting for it to all crash and burn. Why restrain my pessimism? Heh. Pessimism rocks, and is generally the one that holds true in the end.

Bah Humbug and Fuck You All

Belated birthday cards have been recieved today. I think I am going to be sick. One, from my worst enemy sent with a general "think for yourself, don't just go with the flow" comment of course directed at my parents. The other, from my Grandma on which I'm not on speaking terms with.

And now the Beast tells me I should call her.

Is my life just one awkward moment after another? I'm certainly beginning to think so. It's bad enough that they had the nerve to send me cards to begin with, but now to have to respond to one of them?

I fucking hate December.

Thankfully, this holiday season is coming to a close. Hopefully, nothing else will happen to further my ever darker mood. I did actually get some stuff that truly was only accepted for the benefit of my Mom's mood (even my inherent greed loses to my hatred of Christmas): some money, a DVD, a video (Rose Red-great horror movie), a black scarf that I'm never going to wear, and a pair of pajamas that I am going to burn the first chance I get.

I should probably be grateful and all that annoying nonsense, but the pointlessness of it all screams far too loudly in my head for me to be such a thing.

Now all that's left is for me to wait another 15 minutes for the ol' cell phone to charge and the call to be made. I am most definetly NOT looking forward to it. Ugh. I hate talking to people in general anyway so this should be just one hotter circle of the hell that is my life. But hey, I suppose I can make this into a lesson of subtle insult and cold apathy where it's not only unexpected, but unheard of.

Even a cynic must learn to look on the lighter side of darkness once and awhile.

When you're gone, it's only a matter of time before people forget you ever even existed.

The stupid holiday is almost over. I really can't wait. No, not in the ohmygodwhenamIgonnagetallthepresentsbecauseI'msuchagreedymaterialistic bastard sense. More of in the let's chuck the tree out the door and be done with it sense. I've had it up to here *hand is held above head* with all this festive cheer.

Like when I walked into Pick N' Save this morning and there were hoards of people waiting in outrageously long lines with big huge grins on their faces wishing each other various Christmas wishes.

Who needs horror movies when you have real life?

Thankfully, I had something to distract me today. The ol' brother came by. Heh. So I went over to his house and had a bit to drink. It's funny, he handed me a beer. I thought it tasted disgusting so I drank some whiskey instead. Ahhhhhhh......Drowning my holiday hatred in a bottle. Glorious.

This is the part where I glance over my shoulder to make sure the Bastardly Parental Units aren't reading this. That would be most unfortunate.

It seems the coast is clear.

Suddenly I'm really tired. A migrane seems to have begun testing those annoying pain receptors in my brain. I would go and sleep in my room were it not so ridiculously cold. No one should have a room quite that cold, and yet hey, I do.

I completley forgot whatever it was I had planned on blogging about. Instead of wasting the energy trying to remember, I'm going to say my last "Bah Humbugs" for the evening and crash at the keyboard.

When you start thinking you've reached Nirvana.....think about Cobain and go right back to rock bottom.

I. Have. DSL.

Nothing could have prepared me for how entirely different this makes things. I clicked on a video that I tried watching last week...but it took two hours and was only half done. This time....

four seconds.

Someone tell me that I haven't died and gone to Heaven, because if I have: 1.) I'm in the wrong place. 2.) It's too bright here.

Frankly, I just needed to blog about that. You know, boasting rights and all as I had to spend THREE HOURS trying to get everything to work properly. But in the end it all paid off, and I get to sit here now reveling in my genious.

There is one drawback however. We've switched Internet providers. Heh. We'll have both for about a month, giving me that long to email myself the 700+ links on my MSN favorites list. A daunting task indeed, but I think it's well worth the effort.

Meh. I'm cutting this short. My Internet bids me to bask in my newfound revelations. I of course, will post again tomorrow...or rather technically, later today.

Christmas lights have only one useful purpose.....strangling people infected with the "Holiday Spirit"

The mind wanders to blank places this evening. I think, yet there is nothing. Not a blank void mind you...I'm not searching for any ideas or inspirations...just blankness.

In other words: my entire being is in denial that I am in the middle of the holiday season.

To give you an idea of just how much in denial I am, consider this: I woke up this morning, trudged downstairs and saw a tree in the living room. My first groggy, I've-ventured-into-daylight thought was:

"Why the fuck is there a tree in my house?"

Of course, clairity and enlightenment came soon after but still I refuse to believe that Christmas is coming. Heh. In my mind, I've skipped over it already. Who knows, maybe someone took pictures and I can pretend to care about what happened later.

But probably not.

A day of extreme, yet glorious numbness today. Had to escort the She-Beast to her physical therapy. You see, I couldn't drive as the insurance company is being an epic asswipe about the rental car. Oh well. We're going to be getting the car back in a week or two anyway. See, they tried to salvage it by replacing the engine, and basically the whole front of the car.

And I get to be the guinea pig that's inevitablly going to get stuck on the side of the road in the freezing cold when it breaks down.

Heh. Today I said something in an IM conversation that is suddenly coming to me. (Yes, hello peaches). We were *cough* talking about Harry Potter, and I said something to the effect of (I might be a bit off, peaches, correct me if I'm wrong):

Me: To be sufficientlly British for the day, oh bugger.

Me: Sodding balls and all that rubbish.

For some odd reason, I found that last line insanely funny. So funny that I had to go and repeat it to The Brat in my near perfect British accent.

But no one really needed to know that, did they?

Sadists are rarely complimented....unless you're friends with someone like Hannibal Lecter

The pipes burst last night.

Is this the part where I break out into a joyous rendition of "Joy to the World"? Cause if it is, the "world" will be sorely disappointed. Credit to The Beast though, he managed to somehow fix it for the time being.

A master guitar player, a farmer, a plumber, a mechanic (sort of), a cook, an obbsessive compulsive over protective father, is there anything this man cannot do?

Call about my job apparently.

I won't complain much. We have working water and thankfully, no flooding. I wonder if it had flooded, and had the heat miraculously failed on us (as it does just about every week) if it would have turned to ice. A whole new meaning to an indoor skating rink. Meheheheheheheh.

That would have been real useful, as I suck at ice skating.

Today was unusually mundane. I woke up, got mail, washed dishes, and read. All of that encompassing about eight hours. Wow, how utterly interesting. It amazes me that I actually waste the energy to put this into my blog. Honestly now, I can't imagine anyone reading this to be in any ways enthralled with Tales of Dishwashing.

So I shall attempt to move to deeper, hopefully more interesting things. Make no mistake though, this is not for the benefit of anyone reading, this is for my own interest because when your own blog begins to bore you, something has most definetly gone awry.

The holiday season perplexes me. Quite deeply as a matter of fact. Living in America, the vision of the holidays are generally of a gloriously well decorated tree, with loads of perfectly wrapped presents underneath while the whole family gathers together merrily. Ugh.

But that's just a vision. Let us move to reality shall we?

The lights on that tree burn down thousands of homes every year, and the presents stuffed under it cause the bankrupcy of many a financially challenged person not smart enough to budget. The gathering of the family? Many times, a forced little reunion resulting in lots of drinking, swearing, and dark mutterings about ex spouses invited only because of their snotty, ungrateful kids.

So why does everyone pretend that it's this happy, magical time of year? Okay, so lying to oneself typically results in semi-tolerance for one's given situation, at least for a little while. But I think that after seeing some of those new Old Navy commercials with carolers and that little kid making some dumb attempt at being cute remark about the holidays......

we've gone way too far.

It doesn't matter how bitter and cold life can be....we're all going to burn someday.

My house is so fucking cold right now.

Would you like to know just HOW fucking cold it is? (Not that your opinion matters, I'm going to tell you anyway). I had a glass of soda...with ice in it.....about six hours ago...and the ice is STILL there. As in, freezing tempterature.

See? I'm not being overdramatic. Heh.

So instead of spending my day coming about as close as I can get to bliss by surfing the Internet, I shall be outside winterizing the house. Pardon me of my "Woo hoos" are a little on the unenthusiastic side. I'll save that for when I can walk in the kitchen and not see my breath. I really shouldn't complain though, the Beast was suprisingly gracious enough to leave me to my own devices (as I was using the computer, one can take that literally). And so.......

I spent fifteen hours online yesterday.

That's right, FIFTEEN HOURS of Internet bliss. I haven't had that kind of time in cyberspace since summer, and oh, how utterly my addiction grows. Someday I'm going to have to walk around with an Internet connection implanted into my arm or something.

AND OH I SHALL BLOG.

Heh. And I must say, my blog is coming along rather nicely isn't it? After all, SOME people I know (and some I don't) have difficulty posting once a month, or post for awhile and then leave it to just rot and waste bandwith. But no, I have the fortitude and determination of...well....me...heh, and my blog lives on. I can only strive to someday achieve a blog that has over 300 posts someday.

Blogger, I hope you've prepared yourself, she's in the for long haul this one.

MUAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

WARNING: Singing of Christmas carols will result in being shot on site

And so my Christmas vacation has started. Nothing much has really transpired (marvel at my fancy word MUAHAHAHA) today. Mostly sat in front of a computer and printer, surfing the net and copying business documents for The Bastardly Parental Units. I was supposed to do work for someone today, but the Beast wouldn't call and find out when he wanted me to come in.

All I gotta say is no one better bitch at me for not working. Heh.

After all, I can't call myself as it is my Dad's business connection. Sort of anyway. So I'm stuck. If nothing happens by Wednesday I'm going to say fuck it, and get a real job somewhere else.

In other news....

Today I had the most profound craving for apple juice. A craving like no other. The apples....they......COMMAND ME.

And even after drinking 1.36 Liters (that's the precise amount as stated on the bottle) of it, I still want more. Alas, we're out. But perhaps the craving will go away. If it doesn't, I'll have to go and buy some, and I so hate to waste my nonexistant money on such stupid things.

Meh, I'll just grab a Coke, and all will be right in my twisted little world.

In life, no matter how nice you are, just realize that at least someone hates you

Ever have one of those insanely awkward conversations online where you know you should say something, but draw an epic blank?

Cause I'm having one.

My cousin has IMed me, and the awkwardness ensued. Something about wanting to get together sometime this week. Heh. Oh joy. Apparently she hasn't got the memo:

I never go anywhere.

Anyway, so starts my Christmas vacation. I wore a black t-shirt to school saying "Bah Humbug" just for the oaccasion. But that's what you get when you have the audacity to wish me a Merry Christmas.

As If I'm going to have one.

The antisocial dark space in my head has been thrown for a loop as well. For some reason, someone actually invited me to a party.

My aren't I the popular lurker these days, heh.

The even more shocking thing is that I'm debating whether or not to go. If anything, I might just to be able to get out of the house one last time before damning myself to an eternity as a hermit (nevermind that I already am one).

So now it's off to obsessively trudgeing through cyberspace. And again: Bah Humbug.

Here Today, Blog Tomorrow.....NOT.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I have the Internet back.

This day is glorified as no day has been glorified before. The multitasking of windows that has ensued is of dangerously epic proportions. But rather than drone on for hours about how great having my Internet back is, I'll instead post my offline blog known as the "Internetless Blog Chronicles II". Behold.

THE INTERNETLESS BLOG CHRONICLES II

November 10th, 2004
10:06 p.m.

Well, here I am again, stuck without my Internet. Clearly, my personal Hell wasn't torturing me enough so Life just decided to go and make it worse for me. As of this moment, I have been deprived of the Internet for a little over a week, and the prospects of me having back anytime in the near future are rather slim. Heh.

Oh joy.

As to the reason for this deprivation, many conficting, annoying factors contribute. Most of them can be attributed to the Beast who's foul mood has reached epic proportions as of late. Arguments ensued, and I have been holed up in my room for the most part, speaking very little. I tell you, only years of being antisocial have prepared me for such utter isolation. Now, you may be thinking that one week isn't much. After all, what's the difference if you don't speak to anyone anyway? A big one. A major, earth shattering factor that fuels my very sense of being:

The Internet.

Let us all remember that I am the Almighty Internet Addict. If you are a reader that has been motivated (and perhaps admirably stupid) enough to read my past posts, you will find testaments to that fact everywhere. Specifically in reference to blogging.

Must...blog....must...blog....Heh. Which is what I'm doing now, in a strangely makeshift manner. It's my own little way of pretending that I am in fact, basking the glory that is the Internet while in reality, I have nothing. Meh. This is all giving me a headache. Moving on.

It seems I've caught a cold. I suppose when it rains, it pours eh? Suprisingly, this is not good news. Normally I'd be more than willing to exaggerate my illness in a generally successful attempt to stay home from school. However, at this particular moment, school is that proverbial grass on the other side. Hmmm......Honestly, I think my extreme isolation has left me severely braindamaged as this "post" seems to be growing increasingly pathetic. I should probably end it now, but I won't as I really don't have anything else to do.

You know what? In a moment of brief retrospection, I've decided that I will in fact, end this post in a futile attempt to salvage whatever dignity I had. Here's hoping that I can manage to post something vaugely more coherent tomorrow.

November 12th, 2004
11:10 a.m.

So this isn't quite the tomorrow I had intended on. Meh. Oh well. Home sick today. Normally, this would be a day to revel in, basking in the glory of the Internet. Of course, taking into account the name of this "blog" series, it's fair to assume that I am not basking. Instead, I'm merely passing the time until my doctor's appointment which is in about a half hour.

Heh...it occurs to me that I can't remember basically anything about the last couple of days. Woah. That's almost cool......Meheheheheheeh......Some sort of subliminal amniesia I suppose. Dammit, now that I went and mentioned it, it's slowly coming back to me. Grrrr....and I was having a nearly blissful moment of ignorance.

I really should just go to the library and go online, (Yes, I'm STILL going on about this) however I have a ridiculously obscene library fine: $14. I'm lucky if I have five of that in quarters. Hmmm......MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.....

A plan hath taken form.

I think that desperate measures need to be taken. Indeed....covert attempts at swindling money from The Bastardly Parental Units are needed. Hell, non-covert ones if need be. Oh yes....the internet WILL BE MINE ONCE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In case you haven't noticed, I just took the proverbial leap off the edge.

See you at rock bottom.

November 20th, 2004
1:42 p.m.

Time for another long overdue post in the IBC II. So, my desperate measures didn't work quite as planned. I still reside in my proverbial cell, Internetless, and increasingly lifeless as the minutes tick by. Long winded? Yeah, I thought so too. But really now, I have nothing in the slightest to do aside from take out my sadistic tendancies on my new(ish) Sims 2 game. No places to go, no ablity to were I to HAVE that place to drive to, no job or ability to get one, no friends (not complaining there)....nothing. Admittedly, I rely on the Internet a bit too much for my own good, but do I care? Not particularly.

Anyway.

Today we actually got out of school an hour early......because of a football game. I learned this a couple of days ago and in that moment, fully, and entirely realized-moreso than before-just how overly sports oriented my school has become. If I see another blue and gold shirt, I think I'm going to set it on fire (those are the school colors were you moronic enough to not get that).

Shit, the She-Beast just came home. That wasn't supposed to be for another six hours yet. Excuse me while I plaster on my fake hi-I'm-not-overwhelmingly-annoyed-to-see-you face and see what she wants.........

Heh. Still unsure. She trudges and demands things to be brought to her. I indignantly comply, if only to keep what precious little computer I have left. However, she did pay for my Senior pictures today apparently. The amount of the bill was staggeringly obscene:$2021.00. WHO THE FUCK WOULD SERIOUSLY PAY THAT MUCH FOR A GODDAMNED PICTURE?

Aside from her of course.....

They turned out well....gloriously dark and all that, but no amount of darkness warrants a bill like that. Ugh.

I don't really have much left to post about. My mind is in a state of blankness. Any deep thoughts or introspections I might have had have utterly left me. Perhaps then, I'll take to staring at the wall.

November 21st, 2004
9:15 a.m.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....This may perhaps be my last entry in the IBC II for the Internet may be mine once more.That, or on Monday depending on whether or not the phone company is rude enough to be closed. Imagine my suprise when I woke up to such news. Well, I suppose one doesn't really have to imagine it as I am painting an all to clear picture of it right here. I should probably be thankful that I don't have nearly as much to catch up on as I did last time.

Meh, I'll save thanking until I actually am posting this on Blogger.

Now I'm well aware that I'm cutting this rather short, but the Sims 2 calls to me (for I know it will be left untouched after the Internet comes back to me). So I shall leave in near hopes that this will be the last time I ever have to post in an IBC again.

December 5th, 2004
6:08 p.m.
Obviously, by my posting here, I have been sorely dissapointed in my Internet being returned to me. Having managed to sneak online at school though, I've gloriously been able to blog-abliet rather shortly. Well....aside from one rather vhement rant about how judgemental and ridiculously biased my school's newspaper is.

But that's another story entirely-one I've already told.

You know, there is one perk about not having the Internet......I'm almost as hallucanigenic and dillusional as I am when I've gone without sleep for a few days. I've taken to a routine of pretending that I have the Internet. Sound strange? It is. I wake up in the morning and do my usual crawl downstairs like the walking dead, proceeding then to the Place of Glorious Caffine (the fridge) and then to the computer.

There's a reason I saved fanfic on Microsoft Word. Behold it.

Unfortunately, that only goes so far. Heh. How far you may perhaps be asking (but more than likely aren't) what exactly is so far?

My hardrive.

Stupid cheapass lets-run-out-of-memory-at-the-most-rudely-horrifically-inconvientent-times-just-to-mock-me-and-make-me-lose-my-documents bastard.

Yeah, I've basically run out of every form of memory on my computer as well as had half of my existing files corrupted because hey, the Bastardly Parental Units don't understand the concept of virus protection and Internet security. Heh...guess that's all rather irrelevant now though eh?

Tomorrow's Monday. I have no desire to go to school. A great debate takes place in Darkland: stay home or go to school. On the one hand, staying home would allow me to wallow in my self pity without unnecessary distractions. On the other, I could perhaps sneak in a few moments online to blog and check my email. Oh the utter, unspeakable temptation to get absorbed into a fanfic completely unfettered by the teacher looming menacingly in the rather short distance. I see no end to my internal war. Just have to go with the proverbial flow and wait.

Which in Lamen's terms means that I'll wing it at the last minute tomorrow morning when my alarm goes off and groggily decide which hell is worse.

For now, I'll let my dark mind wander to other things: videogames.
I've had my PS2 for about a year and a half now, and I have a whole whopping five games. They are as follows: Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy X-2, Grand Theft Auto III, The Sims, and Kingdom Hearts.

No one is sick of these games, as I am sick of these games. I crave nothing more than a good brawl in Mortal Kombat or that violent game that has to be bootlegged cause it was too violent to be released (can't remember the name though). Funds are lacking however, and I'm stuck with what I have. Honestly though, there are only so many times one can trudge through Spira in Final Fantasy, and only SO many times you can witness a sim take a shit before you start to wonder what the hell you bought that game for, and only so many hours you can stare at the bright Disney colors before you half wish you were blind, and only so many times you can be the badass sniper on the roof killing old people before that incredibly fake looking blood loses it's sadistic sheen.

I won't even get started on PS One, N64, Sega Genisis, Gameboy, or yes, even Super Nintendo games.

I'd like to say I'm going out of my mind in boredom, but that would imply that I was sane at some point. And I do so hate to be misleading. Meheheheheheheh. I suppose instead I can put it like this: when your hallucinations start having hallucinations, you know you're in trouble.

December 6th, 2004

Well, as any somewhat literate reader of this blog might gather, I'm convinced that the Universe is mocking me. Today, I have proof.

Oh the proof I have.

You see today, like most Mondays, sucked, and when I came home ready to lurk up to my room, I noticed something. There was a message on the answering machine. Of course, I had a moment of pure, unspeakable hope when I realized that ONE HAS TO HAVE A WORKING PHONE TO GET MESSAGES. Now, here I was thinking "Holy fuck, my Internet is back" when I stopped and looked at the rather rude looks on the Bastardly Parental Units Face. Hope died-as it always does-when Cynicism took over and I asked:

Me: "Do we have the phone back?!?!!?"

Them: "No."

Me: "So then WHY is there a new message on the answering machine?"

Them: "Meh."

Me: *look of hateful understanding* "Oh, let me guess, we really do have the phone back, and for some strange reason, I can't use the Internet."

Them: "Yep."

It seems as though while we have the phone hooked up again, it's all long distance charges for the moment. As always, no Internet.

11:14 p.m.

Dammit, I'm sick. I think I should perhaps change this to the Internetless Complaining Chronicles. So much complaining seems to be spewing forth it's nearly obscene. But then again, who here REALLY cares?

Not me.

And that's all that really matters in the end.

I get out of having to go to school tomorrow. My attendance record is coming along nicely. I believe I've missed somewhere in the realm of 12 days so far. MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. I must say, living on a farm does have one perk: abscences are slightly more forgiven. Heh. Which means that once I hit that 21 day mark and the Big Bad Office People start stalking me, I have a vaugely legitamate alibi. Glorious isn't it?

The agenda as such isn't quite the hell I had anticipated. Firstly, I get to pick out a rental car to drive as the She-Beast totaled ours (thank you reckless driving bastards). I'm crossing my fingers in hopes of a Hummer, but I certainly won't be holding my breath. Blue isn't particularly my color.

It's all about the black.

All of this pointless information has caused my now pounding migrane to get ever so much worse. Excuse me while I go wallow in my room with a giant, epically helpful, family-sized bottle of Advil.

December 7th, 2004
11:30 a.m.

A Dodge Ram??!?!?

BLASPHEMY.

Henry Ford surely must be turning in his grave as one of his loyal followers is forced to drive that vile disgrace of a vehicle.

Ahem. Anyway, that's what I'm stuck with. I'm rather peeved with the Beast however. I could have gotten a brand new Mustang but nooooooooooo, it was a sports car, and hell forbid me having one of those. Mehehehheheheheh. The only consolation I have at the moment is the hope that it will be black. But of course, knowing my notorious bad luck, it will be white.

I have however, tapped into a bit of my genious. The Internet just might be mine today. Oh yes, today. But a call to the phone company must be made first and then.....oh...and then...THE INTERNET.

Does anyone else find this visible record of me completely losing it, utterly entertaining? I'm sure one day I'll look back in it, cringe in horror, and then proceed to laugh sadistically as I suavely mutlitask 50 different windows with my cable internet connection on my slick Alienware computer.

A nutcase can dream can't they?

Actually, the bit about the Alienware computer isn't merely a dream, but that mechanical light at the end of the tunnel. You see, the Bastardly Parental Units owe me money. A nice portion of it. That, and coupled with my graduating this year, results in me getting one. I just have to wait a couple of months.

Theoretically anyway.

Note: Pencils should never be used as projectiles...use pen instead-ink poisoning

Heh. I've been working on this "report" for about five days now. Suspicion is likely to be aroused soon. Fuck it, I don't care.

And here's hoping they don't monitor swearing on the computer.

I hate school newspapers. (And no peaches, that wasn't just because you are strange enough to want to start one heheh.) Why? Specifically, because of a little article appearing in ours today about "Goths". Indeed, I have maintained that I am in fact, not a goth, but the near slander of that which is darkness was appalling. Of course, they picked anyone who happened to be wearing a little black eyeliner and some black.

What does this mean?

According to the newspaper and interviewees:

".....are not really different from everyone else"
"just like to have fun"
"Why do they dress like that?...."A big part is the shock factor"

Heh. That, and Goths are comparable to King Kong. I'm not sure whether to be amused by that or completely offended. I'll just go with both. Makes things much easier, and as I am in school, that is a very good thing.

Should I be ranting on about this? Yes. Mostly because taken in context, they make everyone who could possibly be considered goth sound like a happy, preppy person who just dresses like that so that Mommy Dearest pay attention to them.

Whoever thought darkness could be ruined? I'd grumble, but you know, silence rules and all that. So instead I'll just sit here silently huffing about the injustice of it all while I mock them all because hey, my chains are better than their chains. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Heh. Immaturity is so much fun.

I am done ranting now. Just had to take that rather brief moment to publicly ridicule my school. I'll be off basking in my sadistic tendancies now.

You can't truly be considered evil until you've been offered an exorcism

Posting again from Study Hall Hell, though I am still Internetless. What can I say? Cyberspace is addicting. Oh well.

I hate to say it, but the Internet may have perhaps slipped outof my grasp for another couple of weeks yet as my Mom so rudely totaled our car last night.

That was cold wasn't it?

Of course, it should be. My addiction to cyberspace is at dangerous levels. But yeah......

I've decided that for the time being, I'll just attempt to sneak on here as I am so suave in that respect. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. I'd say fear me and all that sadistic, evil stuff, but that would probably blow my cover (I'm working on "a report" you see). I don't really have anything of particular note to share, and I think I've mentioned my lack of Internet enough times to last a lifetime.

A final thought for the day: Cloaks are not to be referred to as "cloakys", the same is true for blades and "bladys". Usage of the above grievances will result in torture needles being thrown at you (you know who you are) from my Internetless lair. *manical laughter*

A Rousing Bout of Isolationism Anyone?

So my blog has gone without an update for awhile. Heh. This is because I don't have the Internet for the time being. It sucks, and the Bastardly Parental Units won't pay the damned phone bill. But, my addiction to blogging has forced me to rather recklessly sneak on at school just to quickly post.

I have done so now and should probably leave as my teacher is coming. *swears darkly under breath*

Oh, and I have started a second Internetless Blog Chronicle, so for those remotely interested (yeah, hi peaches) it'll be up when I get my Internet back....probably in a week or two.

I'm here.....or AM I?

Halloween isn't a holiday for candy, it's a holiday to let the Sadist shine and the eccentricities of your existence glow like a becon of hate throughout the world.

I love Halloween.

To be honest, I never really DO much for this dark holiday, but it's one of the few where the spirit of it and I are one in the same. When else can one purposefully scare people and not have the cops called you? When else can you walk around in a cloak and not have a world of glares and whispered mutterings about your eccentricness. (If that's even a word). Heh.

And oh, the sales afterwords...*Basks*

Pity though, I'm stuck at home today. More work in the barn. Most unpleasant. I'm telling you, you have not known hell until you are forced to move 5 tons of grain by hand. On the upside, I get to burn things. *manical laughter* All this because we're in the process of tearing down are barn. Which of course, is one of the main reasons why I am not complaining too much.

Demonlition Durby anyone? (I just know something is spelled wrong there)

And, as an added plus, I got new workboots. Now, of course normally this isn't something one would be amused by, only mine look like combat boots. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA....So while I'm standing there, shoveling grain and hauling wheelbarrows, I can be assured that for at least a fleeting moment, I can look badass.

Other than that, I don't have too much to blog about. Mainly because I haven't had my caffine yet and my mind is just a useless blob.

When in doubt, kill them all....no one left to ask questions later.

Had off from school today because of Teacher Convention only to find out I had a dentist's appointment and would have stayed home anyway.

They just had to ruin it huh?

The Dentist's appointment went without too much of a hitch. Just a cleaning (though I really didn't need to share that did I?). I have to say though...the dentist was a fucking Nazi with that sonic thing she had.

OUCH.

I had my teeth drilled into once and it didn't hurt NEARLY as much as that. Nevertheless, I didn't complain, merely mentally cursed loudly at her incompentency. Heh. And there was a humorous moment that I think I'll share:

Dentist: So how have you been doing on cutting back on the soda?

Me: *smirk* It's a downward spiral.

Dentist: How much do you drink a day?

Me: Lemmie see...*pretends to have to count* about 16 cans.

Dentist: *Nearly cartoonish expression of horror and shock followed by gaping* And you drink Coke right? Do you know how much ac...

Me: *rudely interrupts* Acid? Yes. Coke contains enough acid to burn through a penny and can be actually be used as a cleaning agent...which, I'm sure will do wonders for my enamal and stomach. *evil grin* But what can I say, if I have to choose between a burnt through stomach and bad teeth or my beloved Coke..I'll go with Coke anyday.

Nothing interesting to say after that. Not that that is really particularly interesting either, but hey, again, my blog.

Right now, I am partaking of an overwhelming number of fishsticks. I've eaten around 40 so far and yet still I'm hungry. Even a food lover like me is a little weirded out at the sudden urge to binge. Oh well. As long as I don't turn into a second moon, I'm great.

There are some things worse than death itself....living.

Okay, I was in the middle of watching Veronica Mars, when all of the sudden I got interrupted by the She-Beast (my Mom) instructing me to drag The Brat to Wal-Mart to get a Halloween costume as she couldn't get her the one she wanted.

Thanks Mom, for making me drive out in the pouring rain.....

Heh. And something has boggled my mind: SINCE WHEN DO THEY CLOSE AT TEN? Really, I could have sworn it was 11. Absolutely boggling. Not that I intent to hurt myself thinking about it though.

Either way, the Brat got her tackey, cheaply priced costume while I eyed the fake blood and knives. (*manical laughter*) I didn't get any of it as I am holding out for the after sales that inevitablly follow every holiday. I did get McDonald's though....food was good this time, but the service was less than mediocre.

Like I said in a prevoius post: it's a downward struggle.

Tomorrow is the last day of school until next Monday. That is a four day weekend. MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.....More reasons to slack off and do nothing... And as if it were on cue, I have lost my energy to finish posting the rest of my mundane thoughts. Meh. Nothing worth mentioning anyway.

I'll blog about it tomorrow. *shrug*

Restraint is only a perception...Will is the true driving force behind it all..

I am completely covered in tape.

Utterly, and completely.

I can scarcely move my arms which is making typing a rather difficult task. Nevertheless, I must persevere and chronicle my overwhelming tapeage. You see, I was just getting up to get a Coke and bask in the glory that is it's caffine, when all of the sudden.....THE BRAT ATTACKED ME WITH A ROLL OF TAPE. Actually, it must have been quite the amusing site, but still, I must express my loud opposition to the matter.

Ah...

I just untangled and unstuck myself. Now that I can move my arms now I can continue....

What prompted such a random encounter is beyond me. I've come to the conclusion however, that my influence on her has been a bad one (*evil grin and manical laughter echo for miles*) and that my strange moments of random spontenaity have rubbed off on her. Granted, mine aren't quite that......up close and personal...but heh, whoops.

Indeed, today was humorous in many ways, not just the aforementioned one. For example, today in Spanish class I went on a bit of a rant in which The Brat (Yes she is in my class *grumble*) nearly died of a laughing fit. The "conversation" was as follows:

Teacher: Que tal el fin de semana? (Keep in mind I was in Spanish class..though translated it sounds funny)

Me: Yo voy tabajar. (I went to work)

Teacher: ¿Dónde trabaja usted? (Where do you work?)

Me: Mi casa. (My home) Heh. I live on a farm.....

Teacher: Really? Do you have any animals?

Me: *shifts uncomfortably* Um...yeah...chickens. We had 2,800 before...only about 300 now.

Teacher: *look of excessive amazement* 2,800?!? Wow....

Me: Yeah...2,800....I hate chickens....chickens must all die....they must all go away....*rather loudly* DEATH TO CHICKENS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem. Yes...that's it. A little long winded, and not REALLY that funny, but I thought I'd share nonetheless. I didn't actually intend on going onto such a rant, but the time seemed to call for it.

Meheheheheheh......and oh how the Sadist in me cheered in it's dark, cynical joy.

I'm not insane...I'm just....violently unique...

Another Sunday. A Sunday that mocks me with it's fading banner of dilluted freedom as the walls of Scholarly Hell become clearer by the minute,.

Heh...that was far too overdramatic.

Either way, not particularly looking forward to school tomorrow, though that isn't a very shocking thing for me to say. Right now, I'm just basking in the little time that I have left.

Helped the Brat find a good blog template today. My obbession for blogging seems to be contagious. However, it's doubtful that she could ever hope to rival me in that respect (*evil grin* Or in any other. MUAHAHAHA..) In the process, I found some that I'm half temped to use. I won't though, because I have achieved BLOG PERFECTION. A most glorious thing indeed, to be hailed and marveled at just like my overwhelming brilliance.

Actually, in retrospect, today has been a waste of my existence. Aside from spreading the glory that is blogging, all I did was work. *voice drips with sarcasm* And oh how great that is...

Meh....I had intended for this post to be a bit more interesting than it turned out. It's bordering on boring I think. That may be because I feel rather braindead at the moment, or just because my thoughts are just plain bland. Either way, I believe I'll end it now before it gets any worse.

Everything cracks and fades away...the very ground we walk on is a graveyard of dreams.

My brilliance is unequivocal. Marvel. MUAHAHAHAHAHA...

Perhaps a passerby may be raising their eyebrows and scoffing at what is indeed, a very egotistical remark. They perhaps are even wondering why they should waste their precious (or not so precious) time marveling at my brilliance. I'll be even MORE egotisical and explain what makes my brilliance so unequivocal today.

I found food to make.

Oh sure, many of you are laughing your asses off. Indeed, perhaps you should. Perhaps not. But this is a true mark of my brilliance because the Brat and I thought we had nothing to eat in the house. The fridge, utterly empty aside from Coke, the cupboards barren of Ramen noodes and my beloved EasyMac, even the freezer lacked ice cream and microwave dinners.

Such a sad, sad story that is a true testament to 1.) Certain people in my house eat too much *glares in the direction of The Brat and The Beast 2.) That certain people don't know how to to go the grocery store 3.) that certain people don't know how to hand ME the money to go the grocery store and 4.) That my life sucks. (Heh).

But still, I wandered around glancing in the fridge and cupboards futily hoping for even a shred of something edible. Disappointment after disappointment. But then, at the last moment before I was about to sulk back to the computer, I discovered: 4 CANS OF POTATOS.

MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA.

Really, in reading that back to myself that sounds quite funny and really rather meager. But in reality, it was grounds for feasting. Little pepper, little butter, little making the Brat cook while I surf the net and VIOLA, feastage.

And now I can revel in the fact that I am full, and that I'm indeed brilliant for finding the food. Heh. Nevertheless, I'm off to go and get more.

Fast blogging is the key to mental stability

Tomorrow is Friday, and it's already dragging by at a tauntingly slow pace. Now, while I'm online, the slower time seems to go, the better. However, when I'm offline and at school, now THAT is Hell. Oh what a burning hell it is.....

But enough talk about me burning in the hell-like school.

I actually had energy today. Now, this wasn't bounce-off-the-walls-in-excited-energetic-glee-while-bounding-all-over-the-place-just-because-OHMIGAWD (*shudder*)-I-can. It was more like, I was able to space off into Darkland and get my work done all at the same time. How very, very odd. This isn't particularly relevant information, but I'm sharing it nonetheless.

In other "news"....

I FOUND A BEST BUY NEAR ME.

The ephiphanal (that MUST be misspelled) moment I had was so epic, I had to take a couple minutes to recover afterwords. This means that I can drive myself to get those gloriously low priced DVD without having to spend three hours staring at a map that I know won't help me one bit. Indeed, my main focus is now on getting a few more box sets so I can lock myself up in my room doing nothing but watching my favorite cancelled TV shows. Meheheheh...that is about as close to bliss that one such as myself will ever get.

And oh how glorious it is.

Hitting the mental mute button to shut up the voices in my head

Where oh where to begin? Hmmm...such an uncharacterisic amount of unusual things happened to me today, granted most of which were expected, at least to some degree. I shall start out with Thing the First:

1.) I went on a field trip today.-To some, this may not seem like an unusual endeavor. However when one hasn't had a field trip in their entire high school experience, some note should probably be taken. We went to the Courthouse and got to view a couple of drug trials, and most interestingly, a murder trial (It was nearly impossible to repress a sadistic grin when they showed the pictures of the bodies). All in all, not too bad.
2.) I witnessed people in my class eating bugs from the local museam shop. WHY they felt the need to dare each other simulatainiously is completely beyond me. Larvae and crickets is what I believe was on their menu. Heh. Certainly wasn't on mine though...
3.) I didn't wear any chains today. Sure, I nearly twitched with annoyance at the lack of them, but I felt it wasn't worth the uproar that would ensue at the courthouse metal detectors.
4.) On the busride home, I actually FORGOT that I was actually on a field trip. I could remember where I was at all...merely being driven from one place to another. Call it a massive case of me zoning out into that ever darker place in my head.
5.) I had one of the best naps I think I've ever had in my car care class, dispite the sounds of tools, cars reving, and doors slamming. Weird.

Anyway, yeah, that pretty much summed up my day in one all-inclusive nutshell. Right now, I think I'm going to do some quick last minute things online before going off to deal with all the laundary I need to do. *grumbles* It's either that or wear colors tomorrow...in clothes that wouldn't even be mine...yes...I think I'll just do the damned laundary....

If you forget someone's name, don't worry, they probably never even knew YOUR name in the first place

Another day in which I skipped school.

MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA................

Really, this is becoming quite the bad habit. Pretty soon, school officials are going to start stalking me and demanding to know why I don't come forth to the halls of Scholarly Hell on a regular basis. My answer would be quite simple though:

I didn't feel like going.

They really can't stop me. I have all excused absences (in that sense, my parents rock). And it's one of the few moments in which living on a farm *cringe* works to my advantage. But yeah....I think that they're going to get suspicious no matter what you say or do if you miss 40 days a semster like I did sophmore year. Ahhh...those were the days.

And now I feel old in all my Seniorness.

I bought the first volume of the Teen Titans DVD's today as well as the 3rd volume of Invader Zim. Why they must come in volumes is entirely beyond me. It seems like such a blatant leech for money that is almost not worth purchasing. Only my diehard fanatasicm about the TV shows I watch keep me reaching into my usually empty wallet.

Heh.

I have a field trip tomorrow. First one in all the time I've been in High School. We're going to visit a jail, which should provide quite a bit of amusement. What really amused me though, was the little speech my criminal justice teacher gave me in front of the entire class about how I shouldn't wear my chains as they will set off the metal detectors.

Really, it was one of those moments where I broke from my usual apathy and plastared the most evil grin I could possibly muster.

I'll forego the chains, if only to make things easier on myself, but now of course, I must look like I just walked out of Hell itself. Heh.......field trips kick ass.....

Freezing the world, one glare at a time

I haven't blogged in a couple of days. The reason for such.....delay..has been due to the fact that my computer is being a discrimminatory asshole. Yes, that's right.

Firstly, only on my account will it take forever to load programs and crash at any given moment. Indeed, I feel as if I've been cursed.

More so than before at least...

In any case, I couldn't get to blogger. But moving on....

I've no desire to go to school tomorrow. Ugh. Mondays are a hell unto themselves. Actually, I have already resigned myself to the fact that I somehow must manage to stay home. Not an impossible task, but certainly will take some wheedling on my part.

Heh. I suddenly just got rather tired. Most annoying. I do however, refuse to sleep until I've worn out my usual venues of Internet Lurkage. Which if I calculate correctly (and I do), will only take me four hours or so. *evil grin* It's things like these that attribute to my nearly obbessive insomnia. Oh well. Besides...

You'd be amazed at the humorous hallucenations one can have when they haven't slept in six days.

I suppose all this is really rather irrelevant. Actually, in quickly scanning over what I just wrote, I've come to the conclusion that this is one of my most monotonous and boring blog posts to date. Bear with me and perhaps amusement will come at a later date.

If not, I couldn't care less, and won't even know you exist in the first place.

And with that, I'm off to lurk the Internet and ponder why this blog post turned out so mundane as it did...

Vengance is merely a tool of the inner sadist.

And so the Dark One (yes, that is me if you're so dense as to have to wonder) was forced to go back to the hellish monotony and pointlessness that is High School.

Damn. I had such a lovely obscene record going.

It was during today's hellish educational experience that I came to realize the profound immaturity that plauges my school. Oh, I am not one to be naive, as I know immaturity runs rampant through the halls, but it seems to have gotten worse. One situation in particular comes to mind:

On the way home, I was sitting in my usual seat in the bus (heh, why pay $90 a semester just to park?) when an 8th grader leans over and firsts asks me about the keys on my straightjacket. More specifically it was "How can you unlock yourself if the keys are on the lock?" Um, why would I seriously LOCK myself in my jacket? It's not really ment for that you moron.

But no, it didn't stop there. Instead, it spiraled into something that could have been potentially...shall I say....violent....on my part had I been closer. As I was standing up to leave....

The little fuck pulled my hair.

WHAT KIND OF AN IMMATURE THING IS THAT TO DO?!?!??!

Indeed, I was not pleased. She cowered while I swore quite profusely at her and at the entire bus causing quite the scene. An ass kicking would have been in immediate order had she been within my range of reflex.

Alas, I shall have to wait until tomorrow to bestow the rest of my wrath.

But it is those kind of things that makes me truly wonder as to the mentality of the younger end of today's youth. Hopefully, none of this will carry on into the future or we'll all be damned.

Heh...as if we all weren't already.

Home from school today. MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA.....

One of the few advantages to being sick it seems is that glorious day or two that one can generally get off of school. However, it retrospect, this was probably one of the worst weeks to do so. I've got a mock trail in my criminal justice class where I'm a witness (A cornoner...which is a funny story in and of itself which I'll talk about later) that if I miss too much I end up with a really difficult alternatiave assignment.

Stupid bastard.

Heh. Now then, on to me being a "Cornoner". Indeed, it seems such a fitting occupation for one such as myself (though in reality, I would never be one...too much school). But the humerous story behind it is this:

The teacher was calling on students to raise their hands for the character in the mock trial they wanted (Judge, lawyers, other witnesses etc.), when he came to the position of the Witness Coroner. I raised my hand...no one else did...and just as I was doing that...EVERYONE looked at me, and the teacher just gave me this smirking that-is-your-destined-position look and nodded.

I thought it was funny anyway.

Most likely, I'll blog more this evening and say something a little more noteworthy. This one is rather pathetic. But for now, the world will just have to deal with the vauge mediocrity of this post and move on.

Hearing laughter sucks, it's just a reminder of just how much ingorance there is in the world.

I admit, I haven't updated in oh....a couple days. However I feel like absolute shit so any apologies and regrets are completely forgone.

Yeah, I'm sick again.

This is starting to get rather annoying, my being sick. Even more annoying, is having to take those vile little pills again WHICH AREN'T HELPING. *grumble* No, I feel worse than I did before I started with them. Lovely. Excuse me while I continue my rant:

Why is it that I always get sick on the weekends? Is there some reason the universe must mock me so much as to ruin my weekends and deprive me of those glorious sick days from school? Heh. How rude.

Oh well.

I'm really only online right now because fucking hell, my head hurts and I can't bring myself to do anything else but crawl (and you have no idea how literal that was....heheh...) to the computer and revel in the glory that is the Internet. But for the sake of not making this into an overly whiney post by someone who actually hates to complain, I'll move on....

Andromeda, I HAIL YOU.

No show, aside from Buffy, Birds of Prey, and Dark Angel has recieved such extensive hailing on my part. Indeed, it's an obbession on epic proportions. Of course, I'm only saying this because the new season started on my station last week. Plus, there aren't many things left to watch on TV.

When I say that everything is going to crash and burn because everything always does, I wasn't kidding. Heh. It was nearly prophetic.

Meh. I'm done now as I think that I've expended whatever energy I had actually getting here. Now the dillema rests in how I am going to get to the fridge to get the Coke I've been craving for the last six hours....

NOTICE: All closets are officially off-limits until the avalanche issue has been delt with

I am so tired. I could fall asleep right now.

For the past hour, I have done absolutely nothing but sit in front of the keyboard and yawn....and yawn...and yawn...and yawn...It's like Yawnfest 2004.

Yawnfest 2004?

Yes, I really must be tired to come up with something that overwhelmingly tackey.

Heh.

An interesting, and sadistically amusing thing happened into my Car Care class today....some idiot actually crashed the donated van we were working on. Heh. A whole side ripped into by an entirely too sharp turn into the garage.

It was one of those very rare occassions where I've had a laughing attack that was nearly unbearable in severity. And at school no less.

Perhaps that is what took all the energy out of me. Little thieves.

*blink* Who exactly those "thieves" are, I haven't actually decided. You see, my coherency is fading with every moment that passes by. Which would be the reason that I'm typing this at a lightening fast speed before my ability to speak eloquently at all abandons me.

No, I'll "crash" at the keyboard before I allow that to happen.

As such, I'm becoming dangerously close to reaching that point. It is now that I shall now sign off and make a pillow out of the space bar.

Never piss off the staircase as it may attack you in vengance.

Had the rest of my senior pictures today.

My what an interesting experience.....

I shall say firstly that I point blank declined any act of cheerfulness on my part. My subtle, yet strangely straightforward dark mannerisms seemed to-humerously enough-catch the photographer offguard. MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA...It's nice to know that I can still shock some people.

Why I needed to have my picture taken 30 different ways though, was utterly beyond me. Yes, beyond ME. That in and of itself is one of those astounding things unless one is referring to math. And since we aren't....

Be astounded.

But at least they look like they turned out okay. No cheerfulness, no let-me-die-of-my-overwhelming-joy-because-OHMIGAWD,-I'm-having-my-senior-pictures-taken.

The Brat has taken to annoying me right now. As of this moment she stands plastered near the doorway begging me for something. I bid her leave. Yes...LEAVE. NOW. Muahahahahahaa.....I should poke her with a caddle prod.

Pity I don't have one.

Just another fly splattered on the proverbial windshield that is life.

For some reason, any creativeness that I usually have seems to have completely left me this evening. How odd. My mind really does feel like a blank void of nothingness.

That's me, Zombie.

Today was one of those uneventful, yet eventful days. Confused?

Yeah, you and me both.

Though it sounds somewhat quaint, I had to pick pumpkins today. Now, much to my amusement at the time, my brother and his friend were enlisted to help in the always annoying endeavor. It is here that I learned three things:

1.) My brother's friend has the working capacity of a weak three year old girl.
2.) Brother's (and sisters for that matter) are highly overrated and as such, shouldn't even exist.
3.) I loathe orange more than I previously thought possible.

Which brings me to my next topic: Halloween.

I never understood the concept of Trick or Treating. Indeed, free candy is enticing, but why would anyone want to reward some little cretins that disrupt the peace and fake tranquilty of the neighborhood? Heh. Let them all burn...yes..BURN..

Someone asked me what I was going to dress up as. My response:

Myself. I'm scarey enough just the way I am.

That isn't to imply of course, that I don't like the idea of being scarey, it merely means that I can't really be much more frightening than I already am. Unless of course I decided to go into full Resident Evil garb, and that require more effort than I could amass in a lifetime.

And why waste that ever elusive effort on that, when I can just blog instead?

MUAHAHAHAHAHA...

Time is the constant mocking reminder that if fact, you're still here.

I. Hate. Rain.

I. Hate. Football.

I Hate. Everything right now. Mehehhehheheh.

Just to be all inclusive of course.

Well, I got dragged to the Homecoming football game tonight. First, it was boring as all hell. Second, IT WAS POURING THE ENTIRE TIME. I am soaking wet. Freezing in fact. Now then, there is nothing wrong with being cold, but it absolutely sucks being soaking wet.

Damn water.

I should probably post something more, but I really don't have the energy. But I, of course, had to make sure that the pointlessness of tonight be made clear in my blog.

And now that it has, I shall now proceed to sleep at the keyboard and pretend I've never heard of rain.

Only in darkness can you truly see the world burn.

My blog has eluded me these past few days, much to my annoyance. First, an excuse: it was taking forever for the page to load. Second, a legitamate reason: I was gone for a few days and completely unable to get to a computer. Of course, I suppose I could have broken into someone's house and used their computer.

Either way, hello first update in the past few days.

Now as to where I was gone to....

Hello Middle of Nowhere. Please fasten your seatbelts and prepare to marvel at just how far into the boonies you really are.

And it's now that I've finally come to the horrific terms that I may, in fact, end up living there. Indeed, 600 acres is cool...provided that there is a Mcdonalds, Best Buy, and Hot Topic (or anywhere that sells dark clothing, not necessarily "gothic") within reasonable driving distance.

Reasonable driving distance for them is around 80 miles. Oh joy.

The Beast is annoying me. He keeps walking in here telling me to get off the computer because it's bedtime.

BEDTIME?!?!?!?!

What the fuck, am I three again? Since when do I abide by any sort of sleeping schedule? Never. However the presence of his glowering form is beginning to annoy me. Every time he walks by he has to stop in here.

Leave. Me. ALONE.

And on yet another note to peaches, meh, near vague amusement. But at least you updated.

BLOGS...EVERYWHERE....

MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHA.

I didn't skip out...I just...didn't go.

Heh. Just to clear the record, I did in fact, not go to school on Friday. MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAA....

I'd sit back in my chair sinisterly and cackle manically, but I'm afraid I don' t have the effort to do that.

Oh well.

I'm leaving to look at some new properties we might be buying. Of course, my Mom in her inate strangeness has concluded that we absolutely MUST leave at 2 a.m. or the world will crash and burn. Okay, perhaps that was just a bit of an overstatement, but my shock at her timing leads me to do so.

And it wasn't until a few minutes ago that I realized that I will be without the internet for a whole two days.

TWO DAYS.

Such hell reminds me of the days when my Internetless Blog Chronicles were created. Certainly days I don't wish to relive. Meehehheheheheheh...

On that note, I am going to go and attempt to bask in the glory of whatever feeble internet time I have left. And oh, peaches, yes...lovely that you finally updated....however it takes much more than that to make one such as myself "happy" as you say. *snicker* However, amusement was warranted.

I'm going now.

I actually went to school today. The real kicker in all of this is that I could have stayed home.

Yes, stayed home.

And yet I didn't.

I've boggled my own mind as to what I was thinking this morning. Many legitamate reasons come to mind in retrospect, but my morning thoughts elude me.

Yes, I had a test today that was easy and would have been made entirely essay had I not been there, and yes, I am doing archery in gym class...which rocks.

But I could have stayed home.

To avoid inadvertant self insult, I shall say that it MUST have been the antibiotics that I took last night. Indeed, those vile little pills are practically the Spawn of Satan. (Oh wait, wasn't that me? *snicker*) Either way, I won't be making that mistake..or erm....thing...again.

Just to be spiteful, I'll probably stay home tomorrow. Just for the hell of it.

Fuck. The Beast is lurking nearby telling me that I must get off the computer. I don't want to, but for the sake of an abscence tomorrow, I shall. But rest assured *Darth Vader impression because Swartzennegar sucks (I'm sure that's misspelled)*.....

I'LL BE BACK.

You're only free so long as you have permission.

Okay, I feel like shit.

My list of complaints are as follows: 1.) I have a headache. 2.) I have a sinus infection 3.) My ever elusive energy is even more elusive than usual. 4.) I have school tomorrow and 5.) someone interrupted me while I was writing, and now I've forgotten it all.

That's about it. Perhaps that was a bit childish, but I don't care. My head screams at me to go too sleep and yet the Internet called to me. So, I'll just blog about how shitty I feel. Moreso because I can than because of anything else.

Heh. The Beast just interrupted me. He handed me some sort of antibiotic. So umm..here goes....

FUCKING HELL THAT WAS VILE...

That was disgusting. That tasted worse than chalk (Heh...not that I would know...*nervous glance*). Excuse me while I go and attempt to repress the uge to throw up.

Homecoming week starts on Monday. Oh the joy. Such a sickening amount of cheerful adolescence flooding the halls of Scholarly Hell with the ignorant joy that a new school year is starting. This to me, is more of a reminder that yes, the doors are locking; no more sleeping in all week for many, many more moons to come. Whatever dilluted freedom summer had brought forth, has just deserted us.

Traitor.

Yawning does no good...except from letting you inadvertantly inhale flies.

I said I was going to post later. Behold the post. I admit, it's actually "tomorrow" technically, but I care nothing for technicalities at this hour.

School starts in hmm....six hours. I should probably be attempting to get some sleep. But alas, I just don't feel like it. Sort of. In reality I've yawned like ten times in the last five minutes but I REFUSE to sleep until at least 1 a.m. Why? Because quite frankly......

I can.

I am determined to bask in the glory that is not having parents around. Some sign of rebellion-however feeble-must be used. My tactic doesn't involve much, yet it gets the job done. Minimal effort that also serves the dual purpose of keeping me from sleeping.

How convienent is that?

Oh. That reminds me (though I don't know why) I added a counter to the blog. I'm curious to see how many people even open up the blog window. Mehehehehheheheh...I'll know I'm truly pathetic if it doesn't change at all in two weeks. Even though I'll probably laugh in a moment of self mockery.

Heh. I told myself I was going to watch the Blair Witch Project tonight...since I never got to it yesterday...well, Sunday. But I didn't. It will have to wait till tomorrow. I may be awake my mental capacity for understanding anything is fading quickly. Even as I write, the words from before become a blurred meaningless blob on the screen. But that's okay...it's kinda like staring at the clouds and attempting to see shapes in them.

Kick ass! I see a can of Coke.........must....have...now.....

Toothpaste is not, I repeat NOT oil for your car. Someone else's on the other hand..

Another intro with food being the subject.

For some strange, probably inwardly obiece reason, I am eating stuffing. You know, that stuff people generally eat on Thanksgiving?

Yeah, that stuff.

Today was abundantly boring. I am however, basking in the glory of The Bastardly Parental Units being gone for the next couple days. No one but me and the Brat.

Oh how the Sadist in me laughs.

I may perhaps post again later, but as I am eating I shall be lazy and merely post more of those scathing emails sent to and from the person of a previous blog post. Yes V, this is for you...(sort of).

From Amy:

"HelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

My response:

"Idiot-
Heh. Greetings person that seems to have a bit of an issue with the word "Hello". For one, I don't know who you are (granted I have a good idea). Secondly, was there really a need to send me an email that merely stated Hello about let me see, 20 times? Yes, that is exactly how many hellos that were included in that rather dumb message. Feel free to count since you seem to have the time to write such pathetic emails. Indeed, unless you have something of vague importance to write me, or at least something that can be categorized as a legitamate sentance, don't bother me. "

Oh, and with that one, I should mention that at the time I didn't know who the person emailing me was. *parinoid glance* I'm being stalked it seems......BURN THEM ALL...BURN...

Heh. One more set. Just for good (or evil) measure:

From Amy:


"Wow, you don't waste any time do you? I was merely sending you a warm greeting. Would it have been better to act like a creepy, praverted stauker; who's lookin for a good time? You know what I'll bet you would enjoy that! you would mess with their head, and try to make them fear you. Anyway you really should join History Club. Why, because for one you would be doing something usful with your time. Two, I'm going to stop right there, because I know what your going to say. Your going to say that their are plenty of things that you could waste your time with, and by joining History Club; that would mean that you want to be social. That will be the day! Yet you remain in the shadows, theres not a single light shining in your room. Well maybe the telivision\computer screens, but other then that; your life is a dark empty hole. Would you agree? I hope your working on getting your senior pictures soon, I can hardly wait to see if you get it done in a graveyard. What if they did'nt have a graveyard? what props would you have your picture taken with? By the way I don't think steve will be bothering you anymore. But do tell what you would have done if he broke your C.D player. Would he crawl helpless on the ground, blood gushing everywhere? or would he not be moving at all? I would not care which. I think that will do better than 20 hellos, for you to spend your time answering. See ya later.Amy "

And again my response:

"To whomever idiot it concerns-
Indeed, my life is like an empty hole, mocking me as I sink farther into the abyss of nothingness just waiting for me to completely waste away.....Heh. As to your aforementioned "History Club", there is no power on this Earth (save for the command of Buffy) that could even make me consider joining. Socializing in school is not a choice, but an unwelcome command issued by those bastards that I dispise called the "Administration". Anything after 2:45 p.m. Monday through Friday however, is completely off limits. I shall not, under any circumstances, be spending any extra time in the school I deem as Hell. As to this Steve you've mentioned. I will take this moment to say that if he had, in fact, broken my CD player-considering my already bad mood at the time-would have most likely resulted in me pummeling his face in. All seriousness is stressed here. Heh. Then again, I'm always serious anyway....but that doesn't count. You may perhaps be asking yourself (and most likely are given your mental inadequacies *manical laughter*) WHY doesn't it count? I'll tell you: because everything in, and concerning Death in Flames is entirely under her control. So if I say something, be it taken like Commandments. MUAHAHAHAHHHAAHA...And as to my senior pictures....you imply that there would be some sort of sharing involved. I see no reason to display my image like a pig on sale at a deli. Be assured that in all likelyhood, the only picture of me seen will appear in the yearbook. Yes, that's right, the yearbook. Be afraid...my image will haunt you for years to come. It is now that I shall depart as I have wasted this two minutes spent compiling this rather lengthy reply to such a mediocre, grammatically incorrect email. I bid you a horrible day.
-Me"

Final quick explaination. No, my real name is obviously not Death in Flames (or at least it should be obvious) but I don't feel like posting my name...granted if you're reading this you probably already know it. *shrug*

And the thing with the CD player...let's just say the person is lucky I was sitting down at the time. *manical laughter*

Here concludes my session of scathing emails. Let ye all be amused, and hopefully enlightened as to my fiery wrath.

I'm going to get more stuffing now.

Painting one's house with blood would certainly look cool...so long as you had no sense of smell.

I am overwhelmingly hungry. I could eat a horse right now if I knew someone who could cook it. The fridge is dismally empty. McDonald's calls to me. Food in general calls to me.

Such torture for a Saturday night.

People at the stand have been more frequent in their annoyance. Questions about the weather have been at an all time high. My mental reply is always this: IF YOU'RE SO GODDAMN INTERESTED IN TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER, MARRY A METEOROLOGIST AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Honestly, I wouldn't really say this. Money is the great motivator that prevents me from doing so. *grumble* But I'll still mentally envision the reactions involved were I to actually say this to someone.

Saw The Punisher for the first time yesterday. Good movie. Violence...everywhere. The first movie in which I actually didn't mind John Travolta. A truly shocking revelation were you to know me personally...which....is unlikely in the next-to-impossible sense. Either way, good plot and so on and so forth. Didn't really care for the Drowning Pool music video "Step Up". Gee, cause we all wanna see a bunch of topless chicks fawning over some fat dude with some very dumb looking tatoos. Not.

Oh the self respect people have for themselves these days. Heh.

Rented another movie for tonight: "The Blair Witch Project". I think I've put off watching it for enough years now. Time to see what all that more than likely false hype was about. But hopefully it won't completely suck. It would save me the trouble of mustering up the effort to throw things across the room in a obigatory public display of violence.

Attention: Cattle prods are not candycanes to feed the homeless

Sending scathing emails is fun.

This has been the most fun I've had in weeks. One of the annoying people from school decided to email me. This is one of those emails:

"Bitch,You have serious issues. Is that really anyway to talk to an old friend? I think not. For a start, you are not always a serious maniac with an evil purpose. You have laughed alot before, (on rare occasions), at the stupidest things. Would you like an example? I regret to inform you that nobody really fears you. We just think your weird! (no offence). I do wonder about your childhood! Were you neglected as a child? is there some unknown explanation that your mystery could be solved? If there is I won't try to find it. I'm taking Psychology now, and I'm learning more about peoples behaviors, and how there mind works. You would be an excellent subject! though unfortunently, I sure you like to be misunderstood. I'ts too bad that we don't have any more classes together. If your asking yourself why, I can assure you that I find the answer most ammusing. But I have not yet grasped why you choose to remain unsocial. Would you join some kind of gothic club? or is that still being social, even though it's closer to your area? Bidding you a lightless day! Amy "

Please note that all mispellings and typos in that are not of my fault, but of hers as I copied and pasted that from my email account. Now this is a prime example of the distorted perception that others get from me. That I'm just this person who prides themselves on being a fake loner trying to look cool in the Hell known as high school.

It was in realizing this I had one of the biggest laughing attacks I think I've ever had. Yes, even my apathy has it's weaknesses. Behold one of the few. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....Fake....Oh they have no idea...But either way, I'd thought I'd share my reply (yes this is one of those sort of blog posts):

"Ever Curious Idiot-
You're right. I'm not always a serious maniac with an evil purpose. When I'm not being that, I'm generally being a cynical, sarcastic person lurking in the background. You'll notice that generally all of my jokes/laughing moments are made in such a case. Heh. And as to whether or not anybody fears me, I don't really care. It's not the opinion of others that counts. And as such, your opinion that I am "wierd" does not offend me. Rather it is the expected outcome of a lifetime of actions leading to that nearly forced perspective. My childhood has nothing to do with it. I am who I am. Blah blah blah, and all that self confidence crap the world feeds you. And why is it you "cannot grasp" why I like to remain unsocial? Has it ever occured to you in any miniscule form that I in fact, dislike being around people? Not everyone is a social butterfly. It's not a "gothic" thing. I am not, and have always maintained, that I am not actually a goth. I am a dark person. A goth is more of a cliche persona that suppliments itself more on looks rather then on true personality. And a little note about the psychology thing: don't try to analyze me according to the class. Right now I don't think you've even moved past the parts of the brain. Remember Amy, I took regular, and AP psych...I know what I'm talking about too. . *laughs manically from her computer*.

-Me"

Okay, I've come to the brink of nearly gossiping. With that in mind, I end this blog post while I snicker darkly at the unfounded perceptions people have about me.

Oh, and I have senior pictures tomorrow. Dammit all to hell. Just thought I'd add that.

When in doubt, keep your mouth shut until enlightenment says otherwise.

Another overdue blog post that will most likely prove inadequate in comparison to my other posts. I should probably care, and be all personally offended and such.

Strangely I'm not.

Actually, I'm far too tired to be caring and personally offended. Spent most of today working my ass off. The fact that I'm awake should speak volumes as to my level of internet addiction. Meh. Not that I need to establish that again. If you've been pathetic enough to read my entire blog (especially if you haven't just been reading it as it's been updated) and haven't caught onto that, you need to die, and donate your brain to science so they can figure out how to fix whatever mental issues you most certainly have. Speaking of which...

I had a very strange dream last night.

I robbed a Wal-Mart that was made up entirely of the toy section.

Perhaps this was my inner psyche telling me that I'm too serious and that I must have a little fun now and then. Perhaps not. Perhaps it was my mind being all kleptomatic and urging me to steal things. Perhaps not. All I know is my entire dream was spent searching for the perfect toy lightsaber. Such was not to be however and I ended up getting caught in the end.

For some reason, that's when I woke up.

I have school tomorrow. My joy is entirely nonexistant. I'm debating whether or not to even go. Well, not so much as debating, as huffing. I can't get out tomorrow because I get out on Thursday to get a senior picture taken for the yearbook. I've been told that I'll be able to get my black and chains, and that I won't get any grief for glaring hatefully at the camera willing everyone who looks at the school yearbook to die.

Such sadistic motivations I have.

Heh. Have an art project due this week. I'm supposed to make a drawing of three objects I've selected. Being the lazy slacker that I am, all I had on me the day I started was my skull ring, and a clear jewel CD case with one of my mixes in it. It's a pathetic drawing indeed. I was stretching it by using the image on the CD as an extra object.

And for some reason, my drawing has eyes it it. Lots of eyes. Staring out at you...watching.....like a stalker in the night just waiting to strike from the shadows and bring forth your inevitable demise.....

Okay, I put far too much thought into that for an art class drawing. Leaving now.

Watching it All Crash and Burn

This week has just quite frankly, sucked. Not one of those "Ohmigawd liiike, I didn't get to liiiike, go to the football game, so like, my life is like, you know, like, ruined" sort of deals. For one, I don't do preppy.

Yes, let's get that straight first.

No, this week has really just crashed and burned. I'd get into all the hows and why's this week sucks, but I'll narrow down to one since there seem to be so many.

The Id got the best of me....of all the times to lose my temper and snap, I just HAD to say it in front of my Dad.

Heh. Whoops.

Indeed, two little words slipped out that caused a rampage that was epic, and nearly the cause of a murder trial, lemmie tell you. Heh. I said "I quit." Two little pointless words that shouldn't have warrented me nearly getting my neck snapped. Apathy was tested to the extreme. Nice to know I passed the test. Well..almost...I mean, I did say it in the first place because I lost my temper.

But that really doesn't count does it?

No. It doesn't.

Frankly, I wanted to quit all the chores that I originally took on part time for pay. Call me a lazy, ungrateful son of a bitch (I know someone else did) but I don't feel like working anymore. In either case, the Wrath of the Parents was shockingly severe..and almost entirely unwarranted.

There's a reason I haven't updated in awhile. *grumble*

But hey, now I can truly boast about how truly apathetic I can be. See? Even after all this I find something remotely positive..well...technically neutral about all of this.

Heh. I'm sure in ten years someone will laugh about this.

Damned if it will be me though.

The future is bleak, even for those of us who live in the past.

I have to leave for school in nearly eight hours.

Such hell I haven't known since June.

For the past few hours I have been attempting to think of all the things that could prevent my having to go to school. An electrical outage that burns the school down perhaps..or..or maybe we'll have a hurricane hit....Heh. Never mind that there hasn't EVER been a hurricane where I live.

It's funny, this is my senior year and it's the year I think is going to suck the most. For one, my classes suck. (Admittedly, part of that is my fault...) Secondly, my sister now joins me in the same school. That means that I might actually have to deal with her rather...shall we say social group of friends. Of course, my only response to whatever they might have to say to me will be "Fuck off." I have no desire to deal with people. None. Whatsoever.

Not to mention my Mom had come to the conclusion that I absolutely must sit next to my sister at lunch.

Um. No.

I'm well aware of the fact that I'm being entirely overly parinoid about the whole situation. Whiny even. I don't care though. I have every right to "whine". Last year was fucked up because of my Mom having a nervous breakdown and dragging me halfways across the country just to keep her from blowing her own goddamn head off, and then I'm stuck hauling my sister's ass to and from summer school, and then the "Vegetable Stand" started up which drained any tiny amount of free time I might have had.

So yeah, excuse me for having one blog post entirely devoted to me bitching about my situation.

.......well not that I went and said that I spaced and can't remember where I was going with that. Meh.

Oh, and an update on McDonald's food. I dared to venture to the Place of The Glorious Fries again today. Much to my overwhelming suprise, they were some of the best fries I have ever had at ANY McDonald's. I did pass on the shake however, since I didn't want to chance a disaster and perhaps terminal illness that the Shake Mishaps From Hell probably cause. Either way, that's one fry closer to Fast Food Redemption.

BB guns are not just great for shooting, but for poking things as well.

For some strange reason, I have just taken real notice of my blog obbesssion. Maybe it's because I have nearly 25 blogs in my favorites list of people whom I don't even know (yeah that's right, I just used the word "whom" in a sentance". Or maybe it's because I've spent two days working on a blog that isn't even mine.

Meh. It was worth it. Yeah, peaches, I'm talkin' to you. :)

Disappointment trailed me today. I was going to go and eat at the Ground Round today, only to find that BOTH of the ones near me had closed down. The disaster is nearly unspeakable.

Obviously not entirely otherwise I wouldn't be mentioning it here.

It sucks. It really does. One of the few decent resturants around where I live just had to go and kick the proverbial bucket. Instead I had to settle for a Perkins. Most definetly not an improvement. As I told my Mom as we drove out, it was "substandard in comparison".

I'm a bit of a critic when it comes to my general, family style restaurants.

With that said, I have sufficiently updated my blog enough for today/tonight. I am now going to go and pretend that no one else exists but me and my computer.

Drowning In darkness sinking towards the end of the world..

Okay, here's the deal: I had a respectably long, faintly interesting blog post ready this morning to post. Low and behold what did the site do when I hit the "Publish Post? button? DELETE MY POST. That said, I'm not going to go through the trouble of rewriting the thing all over again. Heh. But I felt the need to update anyway.

EDIT: Nevermind. Heh. I just looked at my blog again and it seems the site decided to work and show my post from this morning. Let us all pretend to be happy and rejoice. Or not. *shrug*

For the last six hours or so, I've been stuck doing my Mom's paperwork. Why? I have no idea. It seems I've become a servant or something. It's moments like these when I just want to take a lighter to that paperwork and laugh manically as it all burns to ashes.

However, for the sake of having the internet, I'll restrain myself.

School starts next Thursday. Ugh. I don't know what the fucking idiots were thinking when they threw together my schedule. For the first semseter, I have the earliest lunch..which is at the ungodly early hour of 10:30. Then, second semseter I have the latest lunch which is at the ungodly hour of around 1:00. WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT? Gee, are they just trying to torture me as much as humanly and inhumanly possible?!?

Meh. Probably.

And then it seems I'm stuck in a class called "BLS Resource", which if you don't know is a REALLY "special ed" sort of class. Just for the record, I DO NOT belong in such a class. That most definetly is a mistake that I will be taking up with the not so friendly office personel.
And finally, to conclude my little self rant about my schedule and such, my locker is in a sucky place....located right next to that special ed classroom. Oh. Joy. So not only do I get stuck in that class, but I'm forced to have a locker right near it which just so happens to be in the most congested hallway in the school.

Thanks so much, Staff of my High School. I now officially hate you even more than before..if that is even possible.

Oh and..

I've noticed something that has been bothering the hell of out me, so just to get it out of my head , I'll share it. My blog title and URL is Death In Flames. Indeed, a cool name, but there are obviously no flames in this template and I have no intention on changing it. I really don't want to change my name or URL so this is going to just have to remain the way it is.

But hey, at least I pointed it out.

Rain is great...unless you're standing in it for four hours.

I did not update yesterday. Meh. I wanted to, and yet the Fates that Control the Internet felt the need to exert their power over my entrance into the cyber realm. Damn them.

Slept in today. Really wish I hadn't. You know, me and that whole dispise-sleep-with-a-passion thing. I did however end up watching two movies (neither willingly). The first was Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.

Well if that isn't a chick flick I don't know what is.

A seizure nearly occured because of all the color. I HATE colors. All films should be in dark...dark tones. Yes...MUAHAHHHAAHA. Needless to say, the movie sucked, though was vaguely funny.

The second was Thelma and Louise. It was funnier than aforementioned movie, but I can't stand southern accents. And honestly, was it REALLY necessary to blow up that Semi?

Heh. Probably.

Whatever. This was a rather dumb blog post if I do say so myself (and I do as a matter of fact). Meh.

What cheapass baker came up with the idea of putting holes in doughnuts?

My summer of dilluted freedom is coming to an end.

School starts in less then a week.

It sucks, it really does. I have no desire whatsoever to return to the institutionalized Hell that is High School. Why people insist on 12 years of schooling is beyond me. Senior year really is just a waste of time especially if you don't plan on going to college.

Yeah, that's right, I'm not going to college.

To some people, this is a near blasphemous concept. Quite frankly, I don't care. I don't feel like spending another 2-4 years at a University or tech school. Perhaps I will consider it eventually, but I don't see the need for that extra year of High school. Meh. Enough thought on that though.

My Mom managed to give me another migrane today. During the caride to a store we were making a delivery to, she just kept talking, and talking, and talking. It was like the Energizer Bunny developed vocal cords.

It's moments like that I wish I was deaf.

Have I said that before? Maybe I have. I think I say that quite frequently given all the stupidity I hear in any given day. But really, she just wouldn't shut up. ARGH. Even when I had my headphones on and was glaring out the window she kept on and on and on...

Oh. And I bought a dartboard the other day. Maybe I mentioned it my last blog post..maybe I didn't. Heh. I attached a picture of someone I REALLY hate right on the bullseye. Most amusing. And on the wall I put it on I wrote "Wall of Pain" in huge letters. MUAHHHAHAHAHAHAA...

So I'm a bit of a sadist. Give me a break.

I did set this up in an abandoned part of our barn, so it's not like I went and trashed my room..or anyone else's for that matter. As much as I would have liked to, enough of my freedom is being taken away with school as it is.

Damn school.

Awakeness is only a state of mind...which sucks if you're braindead

I have set up what is most likely my BEST playmix ever. *eerily suave manical laughter echoes throughout blog* Admittedly, I didn't actually buy any of the music..heh.heh...downloading is fun. But in my defense: 1.) I plan on actually purchasing the cds and 2.) it was fucking HARD considering how sly the music industry is getting. Dammit.

Where is the Ol' Napster when you need it?

Of course, I'm not referring to the pansy-ass my-how-the-mighty-hath-fallen one of today, no, the Napster of Old. The one where basically any song was at your fingertips...for free. Ahh..that would have rocked.

Well, my last song just finished downloading, and it's past 2 in the morning. Really, I was only blogging to pass the time. As such, the time has now come to an end so I shall bid my blog farewell for another day, even though I'm aware that it's unusually short.

Blah.