I have the Internet back.
This day is glorified as no day has been glorified before. The multitasking of windows that has ensued is of dangerously epic proportions. But rather than drone on for hours about how great having my Internet back is, I'll instead post my offline blog known as the "Internetless Blog Chronicles II". Behold.
THE INTERNETLESS BLOG CHRONICLES II
November 10th, 2004
10:06 p.m.
Well, here I am again, stuck without my Internet. Clearly, my personal Hell wasn't torturing me enough so Life just decided to go and make it worse for me. As of this moment, I have been deprived of the Internet for a little over a week, and the prospects of me having back anytime in the near future are rather slim. Heh.
Oh joy.
As to the reason for this deprivation, many conficting, annoying factors contribute. Most of them can be attributed to the Beast who's foul mood has reached epic proportions as of late. Arguments ensued, and I have been holed up in my room for the most part, speaking very little. I tell you, only years of being antisocial have prepared me for such utter isolation. Now, you may be thinking that one week isn't much. After all, what's the difference if you don't speak to anyone anyway? A big one. A major, earth shattering factor that fuels my very sense of being:
The Internet.
Let us all remember that I am the Almighty Internet Addict. If you are a reader that has been motivated (and perhaps admirably stupid) enough to read my past posts, you will find testaments to that fact everywhere. Specifically in reference to blogging.
Must...blog....must...blog....Heh. Which is what I'm doing now, in a strangely makeshift manner. It's my own little way of pretending that I am in fact, basking the glory that is the Internet while in reality, I have nothing. Meh. This is all giving me a headache. Moving on.
It seems I've caught a cold. I suppose when it rains, it pours eh? Suprisingly, this is not good news. Normally I'd be more than willing to exaggerate my illness in a generally successful attempt to stay home from school. However, at this particular moment, school is that proverbial grass on the other side. Hmmm......Honestly, I think my extreme isolation has left me severely braindamaged as this "post" seems to be growing increasingly pathetic. I should probably end it now, but I won't as I really don't have anything else to do.
You know what? In a moment of brief retrospection, I've decided that I will in fact, end this post in a futile attempt to salvage whatever dignity I had. Here's hoping that I can manage to post something vaugely more coherent tomorrow.
November 12th, 2004
11:10 a.m.
11:10 a.m.
So this isn't quite the tomorrow I had intended on. Meh. Oh well. Home sick today. Normally, this would be a day to revel in, basking in the glory of the Internet. Of course, taking into account the name of this "blog" series, it's fair to assume that I am not basking. Instead, I'm merely passing the time until my doctor's appointment which is in about a half hour.
Heh...it occurs to me that I can't remember basically anything about the last couple of days. Woah. That's almost cool......Meheheheheheeh......Some sort of subliminal amniesia I suppose. Dammit, now that I went and mentioned it, it's slowly coming back to me. Grrrr....and I was having a nearly blissful moment of ignorance.
I really should just go to the library and go online, (Yes, I'm STILL going on about this) however I have a ridiculously obscene library fine: $14. I'm lucky if I have five of that in quarters. Hmmm......MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.....
A plan hath taken form.
I think that desperate measures need to be taken. Indeed....covert attempts at swindling money from The Bastardly Parental Units are needed. Hell, non-covert ones if need be. Oh yes....the internet WILL BE MINE ONCE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In case you haven't noticed, I just took the proverbial leap off the edge.
See you at rock bottom.
November 20th, 2004
1:42 p.m.
Time for another long overdue post in the IBC II. So, my desperate measures didn't work quite as planned. I still reside in my proverbial cell, Internetless, and increasingly lifeless as the minutes tick by. Long winded? Yeah, I thought so too. But really now, I have nothing in the slightest to do aside from take out my sadistic tendancies on my new(ish) Sims 2 game. No places to go, no ablity to were I to HAVE that place to drive to, no job or ability to get one, no friends (not complaining there)....nothing. Admittedly, I rely on the Internet a bit too much for my own good, but do I care? Not particularly.
Anyway.
Today we actually got out of school an hour early......because of a football game. I learned this a couple of days ago and in that moment, fully, and entirely realized-moreso than before-just how overly sports oriented my school has become. If I see another blue and gold shirt, I think I'm going to set it on fire (those are the school colors were you moronic enough to not get that).
Shit, the She-Beast just came home. That wasn't supposed to be for another six hours yet. Excuse me while I plaster on my fake hi-I'm-not-overwhelmingly-annoyed-to-see-you face and see what she wants.........
Heh. Still unsure. She trudges and demands things to be brought to her. I indignantly comply, if only to keep what precious little computer I have left. However, she did pay for my Senior pictures today apparently. The amount of the bill was staggeringly obscene:$2021.00. WHO THE FUCK WOULD SERIOUSLY PAY THAT MUCH FOR A GODDAMNED PICTURE?
Aside from her of course.....
They turned out well....gloriously dark and all that, but no amount of darkness warrants a bill like that. Ugh.
I don't really have much left to post about. My mind is in a state of blankness. Any deep thoughts or introspections I might have had have utterly left me. Perhaps then, I'll take to staring at the wall.
November 21st, 2004
9:15 a.m.
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....This may perhaps be my last entry in the IBC II for the Internet may be mine once more.That, or on Monday depending on whether or not the phone company is rude enough to be closed. Imagine my suprise when I woke up to such news. Well, I suppose one doesn't really have to imagine it as I am painting an all to clear picture of it right here. I should probably be thankful that I don't have nearly as much to catch up on as I did last time.
Meh, I'll save thanking until I actually am posting this on Blogger.
Now I'm well aware that I'm cutting this rather short, but the Sims 2 calls to me (for I know it will be left untouched after the Internet comes back to me). So I shall leave in near hopes that this will be the last time I ever have to post in an IBC again.
December 5th, 2004
6:08 p.m.
Obviously, by my posting here, I have been sorely dissapointed in my Internet being returned to me. Having managed to sneak online at school though, I've gloriously been able to blog-abliet rather shortly. Well....aside from one rather vhement rant about how judgemental and ridiculously biased my school's newspaper is.
But that's another story entirely-one I've already told.
You know, there is one perk about not having the Internet......I'm almost as hallucanigenic and dillusional as I am when I've gone without sleep for a few days. I've taken to a routine of pretending that I have the Internet. Sound strange? It is. I wake up in the morning and do my usual crawl downstairs like the walking dead, proceeding then to the Place of Glorious Caffine (the fridge) and then to the computer.
There's a reason I saved fanfic on Microsoft Word. Behold it.
Unfortunately, that only goes so far. Heh. How far you may perhaps be asking (but more than likely aren't) what exactly is so far?
My hardrive.
Stupid cheapass lets-run-out-of-memory-at-the-most-rudely-horrifically-inconvientent-times-just-to-mock-me-and-make-me-lose-my-documents bastard.
Yeah, I've basically run out of every form of memory on my computer as well as had half of my existing files corrupted because hey, the Bastardly Parental Units don't understand the concept of virus protection and Internet security. Heh...guess that's all rather irrelevant now though eh?
Tomorrow's Monday. I have no desire to go to school. A great debate takes place in Darkland: stay home or go to school. On the one hand, staying home would allow me to wallow in my self pity without unnecessary distractions. On the other, I could perhaps sneak in a few moments online to blog and check my email. Oh the utter, unspeakable temptation to get absorbed into a fanfic completely unfettered by the teacher looming menacingly in the rather short distance. I see no end to my internal war. Just have to go with the proverbial flow and wait.
Which in Lamen's terms means that I'll wing it at the last minute tomorrow morning when my alarm goes off and groggily decide which hell is worse.
For now, I'll let my dark mind wander to other things: videogames.
I've had my PS2 for about a year and a half now, and I have a whole whopping five games. They are as follows: Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy X-2, Grand Theft Auto III, The Sims, and Kingdom Hearts.
No one is sick of these games, as I am sick of these games. I crave nothing more than a good brawl in Mortal Kombat or that violent game that has to be bootlegged cause it was too violent to be released (can't remember the name though). Funds are lacking however, and I'm stuck with what I have. Honestly though, there are only so many times one can trudge through Spira in Final Fantasy, and only SO many times you can witness a sim take a shit before you start to wonder what the hell you bought that game for, and only so many hours you can stare at the bright Disney colors before you half wish you were blind, and only so many times you can be the badass sniper on the roof killing old people before that incredibly fake looking blood loses it's sadistic sheen.
I won't even get started on PS One, N64, Sega Genisis, Gameboy, or yes, even Super Nintendo games.
I'd like to say I'm going out of my mind in boredom, but that would imply that I was sane at some point. And I do so hate to be misleading. Meheheheheheheh. I suppose instead I can put it like this: when your hallucinations start having hallucinations, you know you're in trouble.
December 6th, 2004
Well, as any somewhat literate reader of this blog might gather, I'm convinced that the Universe is mocking me. Today, I have proof.
Oh the proof I have.
You see today, like most Mondays, sucked, and when I came home ready to lurk up to my room, I noticed something. There was a message on the answering machine. Of course, I had a moment of pure, unspeakable hope when I realized that ONE HAS TO HAVE A WORKING PHONE TO GET MESSAGES. Now, here I was thinking "Holy fuck, my Internet is back" when I stopped and looked at the rather rude looks on the Bastardly Parental Units Face. Hope died-as it always does-when Cynicism took over and I asked:
Me: "Do we have the phone back?!?!!?"
Them: "No."
Me: "So then WHY is there a new message on the answering machine?"
Them: "Meh."
Me: *look of hateful understanding* "Oh, let me guess, we really do have the phone back, and for some strange reason, I can't use the Internet."
Them: "Yep."
It seems as though while we have the phone hooked up again, it's all long distance charges for the moment. As always, no Internet.
11:14 p.m.
Dammit, I'm sick. I think I should perhaps change this to the Internetless Complaining Chronicles. So much complaining seems to be spewing forth it's nearly obscene. But then again, who here REALLY cares?
Not me.
And that's all that really matters in the end.
I get out of having to go to school tomorrow. My attendance record is coming along nicely. I believe I've missed somewhere in the realm of 12 days so far. MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. I must say, living on a farm does have one perk: abscences are slightly more forgiven. Heh. Which means that once I hit that 21 day mark and the Big Bad Office People start stalking me, I have a vaugely legitamate alibi. Glorious isn't it?
The agenda as such isn't quite the hell I had anticipated. Firstly, I get to pick out a rental car to drive as the She-Beast totaled ours (thank you reckless driving bastards). I'm crossing my fingers in hopes of a Hummer, but I certainly won't be holding my breath. Blue isn't particularly my color.
It's all about the black.
All of this pointless information has caused my now pounding migrane to get ever so much worse. Excuse me while I go wallow in my room with a giant, epically helpful, family-sized bottle of Advil.
December 7th, 2004
11:30 a.m.
A Dodge Ram??!?!?
BLASPHEMY.
Henry Ford surely must be turning in his grave as one of his loyal followers is forced to drive that vile disgrace of a vehicle.
Ahem. Anyway, that's what I'm stuck with. I'm rather peeved with the Beast however. I could have gotten a brand new Mustang but nooooooooooo, it was a sports car, and hell forbid me having one of those. Mehehehheheheheh. The only consolation I have at the moment is the hope that it will be black. But of course, knowing my notorious bad luck, it will be white.
I have however, tapped into a bit of my genious. The Internet just might be mine today. Oh yes, today. But a call to the phone company must be made first and then.....oh...and then...THE INTERNET.
Does anyone else find this visible record of me completely losing it, utterly entertaining? I'm sure one day I'll look back in it, cringe in horror, and then proceed to laugh sadistically as I suavely mutlitask 50 different windows with my cable internet connection on my slick Alienware computer.
A nutcase can dream can't they?
Actually, the bit about the Alienware computer isn't merely a dream, but that mechanical light at the end of the tunnel. You see, the Bastardly Parental Units owe me money. A nice portion of it. That, and coupled with my graduating this year, results in me getting one. I just have to wait a couple of months.
Theoretically anyway.
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