Try to kill me and I'll drag you down to Hell as I fall, bleeding.

Heh.

I've become half curious as to why I bother with this blog. I mean, I haven't exactly said anything of real note, nor anything particularly personal. Even in a relatively anonymous online "diary" as it were, (aside from those few reading me who know me on my messengers...yeah...hi.) I've managed to leave out an astonishing amount of personal thoughts and opinions.

When I said the other day that my sense of reality was a bit skewed, I don't think I was kidding.

It's 8:40 in the morning. Normally, I'd walk downstairs, grab a Coke, and blog about something odd or interesting I saw the other day, dispite the fact that I really in fact, don't give a flying fuck about that odd or interesting thing. There are quite a large amount of things I haven't mentioned, things which are more than blog worthy. I'm not sure if it's my tendancy to distance myself from heh, myself or the obscene laziness that seems to have overtaken me these past two months.

Today I find myself rather sick of it all. I don't know if it's because I woke up a bit earlier than I should have (7 a.m. on a weekend is practically unheard of) or if I'm just in one of those overly thoughtful moods that I haven't seen since the first few weeks of my blog. Indeed, I reread my blog this morning and noticed how increasingly impersonal it's become. Not that I can really call a blog personal, but of course, I'm sure anyone reading can catch my drift. At this point though, I doubt that the situation can be remedied. I've lost the ability to even go past casual conversation with my parents. Not that I've ever really gone deeper than that with my Dad (the Beast as I should really keep referring him as). He's quite possibly the only person more dilluded than I am. But then again, his reality check is coming swiftly in the form of a mid life crisis. I shouldn't really laugh, but I find it amusing somehow. The man who calls me a lazy asshole with no sense of the real world is going to look in the mirror and see the reflection of someone who hasn't held a lucrative job in years, never graduated high school, doesn't know his kids anymore, and spends his recent days sleeping in front of a TV with no sense of purpose left in his life.

Pleasant eh?

I always like my life, admittedly, a little bit on the bleak side. I am dark by nature-probably moreso than is healthy. I'm not one to crave a Brady Bunch happy family living in the suburbs with lots of money and repsectable jobs. I crave honesty. Not necessarily spill-your-heart-out-to-anyone-interested but if anything, a recognition of who you really are. I myself may be distant, but at least I can be the first to admit that I'm far too antisocial for my own good, with a lack of ambition that is going to put me right where I belong: a deadend job flipping burgers or bagging groceries. It really does run in the family doesn't it?

Anyway, there's my little speech for the day. Back to the battlefield, I suppose.