I'd Start a Resolution....

What up, 2010?

2009, it was nice while it lasted. We had such.....erm...eventful times together, shuffling along the track of the working class. You saw me hightail it to California. I saw you incrementally steal a little more of my youth. We both laughed a bit at Wall Street. We were good together, you and I.

But I've found this brand new year, yet untainted by the follies of humanity. So we'll call it a day, and I'll be on my not-so-merry way. If it makes you feel any better, you didn't suck as much as 2008.

.....Breakups are a bitch, aren't they? (I don't think confetti is usually involved. Hm.)

So, it's obligatory: someone has to comment that the numbers on the calender have changed, and overhyped "fresh starts" are profoundly in vogue. I suppose that might as well be me.

I'm not really the type to make goals, or put up lofty little bars with which to judge my quality of existence over a set period of time. New Year's resolutions are the nastiest of this breed, dooming many with pristine intentions to feelings of failure and inferiority down the road. That is not to say that goals are worthless, but slapping them down just for the sake of doing so is about as useless as my EliteBox's optical drive.

O_O Ahem. Sorry. Bitter moment. Moving on.

I suppose I mean to infer that if someone is looking to improve upon their life, than perhaps setting reachable bars throughout the year would be a better alternative to cramming them all in the month of January. Fat bastards, don't tell yourself that by 2011, you're going to miraculously cram yourself into your high school jeans, all thanks to your shiny new boot camp fitness routine that starts balls out, RIGHT NOW, and some half-baked diet program that allows for little more than water and processed cardboard. All that will get you is a few embarrassing weeks (days?) at the gym, and possibly a trip to the hospital later on. Instead, smaller goals (tedious little buggers though they be) like: January: The switch to skim, and far away parking. Febuary: Vegetables. They happen. March: The search for an active hobby. And so on, and so forth.

You get the idea.

And don't ask me why I singled out "Fat Bastards" for this blog post. It just happened.

Of course, it should hardly take the change of a year to incite change in your own life. 2010 is not up to the task of solving everyone's problems. Pick a goal or whatever because you want to, not because the drunkard next to you is throwing out ridiculous ideas for their idyllic new year. And if you want nothing of the kind, that's great too. You can have a seat in my boat. We have plenty of Coke here. Fittingly, the speakers currently are blaring Aimee Allen's "I'd Start a Revolution (If I Could Get Up in the Morning).

So here's to 2010.